Uncomfortable with my wife ballroom dancing with other men

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by NewMantoDancing, Aug 8, 2013.

  1. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    he will outgrow this discomfort sure as the sun will rise

    well unless he has deeper psych issues or lives in England.. no sun there:D
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    exactly, and none of that negates the reality that many of us wishes there had been a warning label attached to our first pro with regard to confusing the attractiveness of dancing with a good dancer to being attracted to that dancer.....but, if the pro is unambiguous and the relationship/marriage of student in question is healthy, things will all be okay in the end
    atk and twnkltoz like this.
  3. stash

    stash Well-Known Member


    As a quick side note, same sex rumba is very.... how to put this appropriately... enticing to watch (this coming from a female). I think it should happen more often :p And lets be real, same sex v. waltz is probably the easiest to do :)

    Anywho, here is my experience about this whole situation. I currently dance with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. We have been competing together for almost 2 of those years. We dance am/am and neither of us have danced pro/am ever. So when we have a lesson with a pro, I am super excited. Is it because I am super attracted to said pro? No... I mean I do like my men older, but lets keep it within 10 years thank you very much. Is it because I am emotionally attracted to said pro? No. Is it because I feel like I could do anything dance wise with said pro? Yes! I feel like I could be lead through all most anything, and that is one of the best feelings in the world. I feel like I could fly with him.

    Now for the flip side, our normal coach is female. And I know my partner likes getting a chance to dance with her either in the lesson or on the social floor if we have that opportunity. I'm sure it's a similar feeling, that he can lead her in anything and know that she will be able to follow it.

    There is nothing sexual about it. And I think a lot of it has to do with the tone of the lesson set down by the instructor. I would encourage you to go sit in on the lesson. I think this would help you tremendously with your feelings. Or even take a private lesson and do a showcase yourself with a female pro. That way you can honestly understand that there is no funny business going on.
  4. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    so true I was fortunate in that my first pro was pretty but not gorgeous so I didn't need the warning label LOL my current pros are hotties tho.:eek: .. but I know better LOL:D

    timing is everything:cool:
  5. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    GMTA I suggested this earlier on

    his opinion will change pronto
    stash likes this.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    trust me, hot factor really isn't the primary issue...at least not for women.....
    dancelvr likes this.
  7. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member


    Very true.

    Since I also do AT, I do have to find it a little amusing how people get worked up about the contact in ballroom...AT is sooo much worse in that regard. Way more contact, much more sensuous, and you generally dance three songs in a row (at least). Then, after you have this transcendental experience with this person, you walk off the floor and find someone else to do it with!

    Although people on this thread did mention bachata and blues, which are similar in that regard.
    j_alexandra likes this.
  8. stash

    stash Well-Known Member


    Plus I find when I'm with an instructor I'm usually thinking all technique in my head. My stream of thought is (focus on stuff we learned last lesson so it shows through that we actually listen.. shoot I didn't mean to do that... ugh frame frame frame!!! relax, don't freak out... you are fine) No time to think about funny business.
    Shades, dancelvr and Mr 4 styles like this.
  9. Wannabee

    Wannabee Active Member

    I was not unhappy in my marriage, or any other aspect of my life. I was not looking for anything that was missing in my life, except finding something more physically active and fun to do than sitting on my couch when I decided to try ballroom dancing. And yet I was still caught off guard by the overwhelming joy that I felt when I danced with my pro. This all occured when I very very first started dancing. And it happened without the benefit of full contact dancing. As a newbie dancer, we didn't get into full contact in frame in the beginning.

    So my point is, if in fact your issues are more about her enjoyment of the dancing that she does when she is in full contact with her pro, it happens even before we know what full contact is. Not to say that the contact couldn't add to the enjoyment of the dance itself, but this exuberance most likely happens well before full contact comes into the picture. It is just unbelievably fun to dance with great dancers, no matter how long you have been dancing or what type of frame you have.

    As time goes on, the feelings fade, the work begins, and now I think of it often times as rather a chore. It is hard work maintaining that frame and full contact when I have to hold up my end of the bargain so to speak. Sometimes I would prefer a more social, relaxed frame, less contact, and more "fun". But I still am in heaven when I am dancing, regardless of how much body contact we have or don't have. I'm sure it is similar for your wife. I would go watch her lessons, as many have suggested. I think you will quickly see that it is hard work for both partners and that our enjoyment of dancing with our pros comes from many aspects of dancing, not so much the full body contact. I'm sure there are many things that contribute to her enjoyment of dancing with her pro. Perhaps you could find similar enjoyment doing your own lessons with your own pro.
    stash likes this.
  10. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Blues. Sigh. I've been blues dancing a bit recently. Some of those dances, I've wanted to roll over and have a cigarette after -- and I don't smoke. But then he walks away, and I walk away, and there's another dance.

    It's not personal. That's the thing.
    samina likes this.
  11. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    That's the thing that's so hard to explain to civilians: it's not personal. Case in point: I recently went to the wedding of my nephew, my eldest brother's son. My brother is a nerd's nerd, geeky, awkward, etc and afraid of dancing (duh). I was so frustrated at that wedding, b/c the dj kept playing these GREAT FOXTROTS and nobody would dance with me -- until my brother stepped up.

    I"m not a teacher, and I don't have tons of experience, but my big brother went gaga, told me he'd never danced before with someone who knew what she was doing. By the end of the evening, I was no longer backleading, he was leading, and he was very happy. He danced with me with full contact, and anyone who thinks there was inappropriate intimacy there is off base. Totally.

    It's intimate. But it's not personal.
    stash likes this.
  12. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    My brother is my dance partner. Always body contact.
    j_alexandra likes this.
  13. JANATHOME

    JANATHOME Well-Known Member

    Maybe someone has said this before... long thread!

    I am fortunate that prior to pro/am I danced with my husband for many years so he understands that this close contact is not personal, just necessary in ballroom dancing... It does not bother my husband at all but he the advantage of previous knowledge to "get it."

    Maybe the fellow that is uncomfortable can take a few lessons with a female pro to see how this close contact is not personal at all but just the nature of the dance. Still, I think it is great that he seeks out ways to feel comfortable while letting his wife enjoy her hobby... Good for you!!
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    or he will take a lesson with a lovely female pro and understand that regardless of how much he enjoys it, she's not that in to him :)
    Mr 4 styles, j_alexandra and twnkltoz like this.
  15. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

    Or, however rare, she may be into him. Just saying..
  16. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Active Member

  17. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member


    Or you might crash your car on the way to the studio. Does that mean you don't go?
  18. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Go watch the pro while he's teaching other women.

    Often, it helps to see the broader picture and seeing for yourself that she's not the only one that gets to dance with him.






    m
    danceronice likes this.
  19. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member


    Sidebar: I've enjoyed watching you guys dance in the past.





    m
  20. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Just an honest clarification so I understand your point properly, did you mean:
    • same sex versus waltz; or
    • same sex viennese waltz ?






    m

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