Dancers Anonymous > Wedding Gift Ideas for couples age 35+

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by ChaChaMama, May 3, 2012.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I would be cool with her addressing them...but offense intended to you...I would rather wait for a thank-you from the person I gave the gift to...than get a note from someone who was their proxy...though I totally appreciate how great it was for you...
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I hear ya. And ... I suspect you're seeing things through the eyes of the gift-giver, not the eyes of the overworked, overstressed, newlywed but have to go back to work tomorrow recipient.

    M wrote awesome thank you cards (I read many of them before I mailed them.) I also called and thanked each person individually, as soon as I could, which turned out to be quite a while, for some of them.

    I got married almost exactly 20 years after one of my older sisters, who got so many gifts (500 guests at her wedding through no fault of her own -- long story) that she never sent thank you cards at all.

    Thank you by proxy is still thank you.
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Incidentally, this is why, if K and I marry, it will be VERY small.
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I hear you and I get your point...I also see how many of those folks wouldn't have even known it was proxy...especially with a large wedding including business acquaintances...but I have other relatives who, if they had would have been a major offense
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Ahh. Gotcha. My close family didn't bring gifts to my wedding. I told them not to, since they all had to bear the expense of travel. Only Mom and twin sis gave me gifts, on top of everything else. My friend M was totally not involved in that. It was too personal.
  6. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    I've got to agree with Fasc. Addressing, cool. Writing the notes? Thank you notes aren't an obligation to check off your to-do list. It's thanking someone for thinking of you and going through the trouble of getting you a gift. Somebody gives you a gift, the least you can do is take the couple of minutes it takes to write a thank you note.
    And working with a bunch of young girls who are always getting married, I really don't have a lot of sympathy for the exhaustion of wedding planning and really don't have sympathy for the exhaustion of a honeymoon. If it's so exhausting you need to whine about it, then go to a justice of the peace and spend a night in a motel and be done with it.
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Mmm. whatev, wooh. As fasc said in another thread, each of us has only a window into other's lives. If I give you more than that window, I give away the ex's anonymity. Not gonna do that.

    What I can say is that, as soon as I could, I called and personally thanked every person who gave me/us a wedding gift. It took time, but I did it, because it's important to me. I can also say that I appreciate M for making sure that my "official" thank you cards got sent out within ten days of my wedding.

    No offense, but I pretty much don't care what other people think of this.
  8. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    Well I actually do think the personal thanks were even better than personally written care would be. :)
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I had some really sweet conversations. :-D
  10. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    I had two brides tell me it was full value...based on what was advertised in the registry. No one mentioned coupons.

    But if they refund the actual purchase price I would be all over that!
  11. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    haha. kinda like a too busy mother who sends her secretary to school with the kids for parent teacher day... I don't think it is supposed to work like that.
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    From the perspective of the person who did room mom from pre-pre-K to middle school: Being there is priceless. Knowing when somebody else can do it better than you is even better.


    If I were getting married tomorrow, I'd do a lot of things differently. Making sure I personally wrote and signed every thank you card would *probably* not be on my list, unless I had my dream wedding. (Dad officiating. No more than a dozen guests.) Getting married is enough stress, all on its own.

    My $0.02.
  13. skwiggy

    skwiggy Well-Known Member

    Unless they have changed their policy since 2007 when I got married, or if it varies state to state, this is precisely how it worked. It even showed the discount on the return receipt. I am 100% sure.
  14. mindputtee

    mindputtee Well-Known Member

    A compromise could be addressing them and putting a little index card inside the thank you saying what they gave. It'd save a little time while still being entirely personal.
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    That could work. :-D
  16. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    Today my Martha Stewart "hey you are an upcoming bride... let me spam you" email is on registry items.

    For the most part I tend to simply delete these emails. Only on occasion do I actually look at them, and today was their lucky day, I actually clicked through!

    (thank goodness I used an alternate email for ALL wedding things that I can simply shut down after the wedding rather than deal with trying to stop the hemorrhage of spam).

    I cannot impress on how out of touch these items are. Especially considering the sheer volume of people getting married later in life... I mean really? Cupcake pans and Rolling Pins??? Who do they think women are today? I am guessing years and years back people gave what a new couple needed... and that was housewares. Kinda like all of the gifts I got when I graduated... and probably because it used to be that graduation and marriage were around the same time in a persons life.

    I think we need a cultural awareness program on wedding gifts. Because if I received one of every item in this list my kitchen would be overflowing with useless gadgets and I would have to be selling our already too many kitchen items on craigslist just to make room for the new stuff. What a waste of resources.
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    I seriously do pray that God will bless you and your wedding and, more importantly, your marriage. You deserve to be happy.

    And yes. What the (blinkety blank) gives with wedding traditions? When my best GF, known her since sixth grade, got married, I went to her her shower, where all the women in attendance had to guess recipes based on ingredients. (btw I won. flour. shortening. Milk. Pie crust. I rock!!!)

    Who cares about the recipe for pie crust?!?!? By the time you finally marry, either you know the recipe (because you like pie and have learned how to make crust) or you don't. Done.
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Incidentally, it's unlikely I'll ever have my dream wedding, since I am Agnostic and Dad only marries Christians, and he'll be 89 on his birthday. I don't think it's likely I'll find God in my Dad's lifetime. *sigh*
  19. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member


    I think that when I get married, some of those things would be great. The way it's looking, marriage isn't anywhere in the close future, but I can imagine that I'll maybe be living in a house that's still furnished with cheap things that students can afford. $10 pots and pans from Kmart. Crockery from Op Shops that isn't at all nice. It'd be good to have some good quality stuff in the house.

    Having said that, when I (and if I) do a wedding registry, there will be power tools on there, because BF has no idea, and I quite like fixing things.
    I think my ideal thing would also be good quality, useful appliances. Things that will last years and years, rather than a couple.
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hmm. Tipped your hand, L.

    Your BF is The One, in your mind. *crossing fingers and toes that this works out for you*

    I tipped my hand too. I pray every day, but call myself Agnostic Hmm.

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