General Dance Discussion > Went on a date with someone from dance, I need some advice

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Backstreet, Jun 18, 2007.

  1. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    What happened Backstreet?
  2. spectator

    spectator Member

    Hopefully he's got his hands full.
  3. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    nah, he's 21 and suddenly fell in love with someone else.... ;) All us old people (sorry you 30s types, but its all relative) are left struggling wiht the end of the story!
  4. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Yes, but the person you (might have) loved before isn't really the same person you fell in love with.
  5. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    well said. it simply wouldn't be an issue...
  6. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    yes. i wouldn't stay with someone who wanted a sex change... god bless'em & all that, but they'd be committing to a lifestyle that does not involve me...
  7. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    what joe said - if the events cause the person i love to be a differnt person (loss of mind = that person is no more, its a different person, same with sex change...), then its questionable...

    that said, in the beginning of any relationship, you don't start with unconditional love of the sort you are describing. the hope/goal is that you'd find someone with whom you can have this type of implicit commitment.

    in reality, we don't stirke up relationships with 'souls' - the abstract kernel of a person devoid of experiences, personality, mind and looks. instead, we look at a person as a sum total these things - which is what characterizes each of us. if this holistic image changes significantly and suddenly, you are no longer dealing with the same person... (gradual changes are ok - we all undergo that. some types of drastic+significant changes can be ok too, but it's hard to define that apriori)

    so however you define love, its unlikely that you'll find in others (as well as yourself) the ability to love regardless of what changes you find in your loved one. let me try a question - what if a loved one decides to take up child molestation some day? Would true love require that persons spouse to stay and love him and care for him on the off chance that he might be temporarily affliceted by a mental disorder?
  8. meow

    meow New Member

    I think most of us would run a mile, feeling so ill and disgusted. I feel sorry for the parents, grandparents, siblings, etc., of such a person though, as it is a different kind of love. Can that be destroyed? I don't know and I pray never to find out. I think the question of 'love' is far too complex to be analysed.

    Where, oh where, has Backstreet gone?
    Where, oh where, can he be?

    Not fair leaving us without an ending to the story.
  9. spectator

    spectator Member

    no worries... I'm open to all offers ;)
  10. spectator

    spectator Member

    Q you are a naughty man.

    aside from anything else, those things don't suddenly appear- they were always there just repressed. In that case unless he actually acted up on those feelings, he would still be the same person. Just more of the person they alreadyy were.

    More common is those prize winning dieters in 'real life' magasines: "my hubby left me because I was half the woman he married..." etc etc.
  11. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    You don't know the beginning of it. Come hither and I'll acquaint you with just a splash more of that naughtiness. Even a tiny bit will keep you busy for I while ;)

    what - now it's all genetic and not conditioning? ha! then soon we can find a way to tell sociopaths by looking at their genes and send them to isolation prisons (or offer them as sacrifice to lab experiments) as soon as they are born.. :rolleyes:

    surely, you mean men are leaving their women who have lost their buxomness after losing half their weights, right? ;)
  12. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    just the type i'm looking for... very useful to play multiplayer games of exactly the sort i might want ;)
  13. Backstreet

    Backstreet New Member

    Hey sorry guys I was in San Diego this weekend so I was unable to post. I know you all been wondering what happend, so I will tell...

    Remember how she was saying/posting things like (From Myspace when they do the questionnaires), "I like him, but not sure if I am ready to like him," "I like someone, it is going very slowly." -- Well, I am fairly certain it was me all along... but let this not change your expectation of the ending.

    I saw her Thursday night and I began talking to her. I had asked her if she had fun when we went out last week. She was saying yes. I told her I been wanting to spend more time with her and if she wanted to go out again this weekend... Her response:

    I'm busy (Said really fast and almost defensive) -- Didn't even look at me to say that.

    Didn't say anything for the rest of the class to each other and she never looked again in my direction. I talked to other people in class but she seemed to remain distant and to her self. (Not talking really to anyone) -- It almost felt like I had done something to her, like upsetting someone if you were talking behind their back. It was really strange.

    So you are probably wondering how I figured out the above comments were about me? Well, I don't know for sure but I put two and two together based on her various myspace bulletin questionnaires: (NOTE: We are still friends on myspace, she didn't like delete me thats how I can see these)

    The above comments about liking someone appeared right after we went out. (Appearing up until Sunday/Monday)

    She did another one this weekend saying the last date she went on was with me. (So I figure this rules out the possibility of someone else)

    Friday morning there was a question asking if she had talk to a boy/girl she liked, the response was "ya but I don't think I like him anymore"

    I am not mad or sad. I am confused. What I am confused about is what could change a person around like that? (Granted I see from only a guy's perspective so maybe a girl can enlighten) I'm confused about the hostility I almost felt coming from her. We were "friends" in a sense (Never hung out outside the studio until that day last week) always talking to each other making each other laugh.

    Ultimately, I am faced with another problem, I don't want an awkward situation. I have no animousity or anything toward her. I almost wish we never went out if it is going to lead to this. While I could go back to the way things were I feel as if she still holds this "anger" (Which I am confused about).

    This leaves me with more questions seeking advice. Since I will see her tomorrow, I can further gauge how things might go between us since we have multiple classes together. If she still acts awkward, should I approach her about it? She I talk to her face to face at the studio? Call her? Message her on myspace? Talk to one of her friends?

    I don't want to make a situation worse. I do feel like though I am missing a piece of the puzzle and this is why I am such a state of confusion.
  14. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Let her own the burden of dealing with the awkwardness she created. Be normal, and have fun. Just act like nothing has happened, and maybe she'll catch on to that and be normal too (otherwise, let her deal...)

    re her flip-flop - who knows why. maybe she only likes game-players and not straightshooters..or maybe she's just dumb....
  15. meow

    meow New Member

    Let it go. I think she freaked out that you asked her out again - she felt 'put on the spot' and unfortunately, she behaved, in my view, immaturely. I go back to what I said originally, that I think you were being given the brush off but now it is very obvious.
    When you see her next in the class just say 'hi' to her and others and act normal. Don't ask her friends what they think, do not txt, do not send mess to myspace, don't bring it up at all. Be friendly, as you are with others and act like none of this ever happened.
    If she acts awkwardly, it will pass when she realises that you aren't going to make a big deal out of it. She sounds very immature and you are probably best out of it. If you are hurt a bit, that's understandable, but you need to move on.
    Sorry it didn't work out but you are probably better off without her. And don't keep reading her myspace blogs - at least until your are OK with the situation. It is too easy to misinterpret what is written into what we hope they mean.
  16. latingal

    latingal Moderator Staff Member

    Backstreet, I am sorry to hear that things have become uncomfortable. Perhaps it's best to just leave the situation alone now that you have an answer (though, I will say - it is a woman's perogative to change her mind, just don't count on it). I don't think you should try to "fix" the newest situation (her being distant or uncomfortable). It doesn't seem that you did anything to warrant the reaction except paying attention to her, and to "fix" that - you'd be paying more attention to her. Perhaps she needs space to figure out what is going on in her own head. Just remain yourself...who knows how things will end up?
  17. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    i recommend pettiness. if she changes her mind again and becomes interested in you, ditch her anyway for being fickle... :rolleyes:. feel free to value yourself highly, and hold out for someone who appreciates that more...
  18. latingal

    latingal Moderator Staff Member

    aaahhh quix, at that age a girl has a right to be a bit confused...unless she's playing games!
  19. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I'm really interested to meet quixotedlm one day
  20. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    La donna è mobile
    Qual piuma al vento,
    Muta d'accento — e di pensiero.
    Sempre un amabile,
    Leggiadro viso,
    In pianto o in riso, — è menzognero.

    È sempre misero
    Chi a lei s'affida,
    Chi le confida — mal cauto il core!
    Pur mai non sentesi
    Felice appieno
    Chi su quel seno — non biba amore!

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