Tango Argentino > What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Paula M, Jul 29, 2010.

  1. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    What's wrong with old or bald?
  2. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    Yep.. me too.

    However, if we're going to talk about favorite partners that I really WANT to dance with and will go home unhappy if I miss out on... well, then skill is the most important thing. (bearing in mind, that I believe that one of the skills a leader should have is related to attitude.. he should have the skill of making his partner -of-the-moment feel like he enjoys dancing with her.. NOT like he is critiquing her as they go along) Looks play NO part in it at all for me.
  3. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    Why do you ask? ;)
  4. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm not bald.
  5. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member


    (Besides, when I'm dancing I can't see what he looks like, so it truly never matters. What he feels like is all that matters. A leader I can trust, a leader I can close my eyes with, a leader I can form a good connection with...and let my mind go...*swoon*. He could be Quasimodo incarnate...and so long as I can trust and connect and let my mind go...I couldn't care less. At.all.)
  6. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    What about if the leader were fat, ugly, and old, but not bald?

  7. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Is he kind and gracious? ;)
  8. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    What if he was built, gorgeous, young and bald?
  9. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    What's wrong with a girl who's a little overweight (but doesn't dance heavy) and doesn't wear short skirts?
  10. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    My meager translation skills don't do this fine, super fun writing any justice,
    but here it goes:

    Why the man does not ask you to dance although he greets you every time he sees you.

    -you push him with your head
    -your head makes him hot
    -dancing with you turns him on
    -dancing with you does not turn him on
    -he dances milonguero/salon/nuevo style, and you, the opposite
    -he is hunting
    -he is hunted
    -he is married
    - there is a patroness hiding in the bushes, waiting for him to cabeceo some young girl, and he is afraid of her
    -somebody told him to be having something with you, and, as the alfa male of the herd, he is now looking for another female to court
    -he does not like you anymore
    -your embrace makes him crouch
    -you've been dancing a lot, and he feels jealous (of course, you have to sit and hold you breath the whole night waiting for him to ask you!)
    -you put on weight
    -you lost weight
    -you are too pretty and sexy (while everybody else precipitates to ask you, he has to ignore you)
    - you are not seated conveniently for him to cabeceo you
    -he does not know how to cabeceo
    -he has a list of cabeceos, and you are #21, so you have to wait
    -just when he is looking at you to cabeceo you, you are chatting with your friend, and that pisses him off, so now he will not be asking you for the 7 years to come, and you will wonder why
    -you have a sour face
    -he saw you arguing with the girls sitting next to you
    -you have a bad breath
    -you have BO
    -you smell nice, and it turns him on
    -you dance very well, and it turns him on
    -once you complained that he hadn't asked you in a long time, and now you seem "desperate"
    -he tried to flirt with you, and is pissed off that it did not work
    -he is bored dancing with you
    -his dancing improved, and yours is still the same
    -he is tired of dancing, and now comes to the milonga only to sit around, eating, drinking, and chatting with friends
    -he doesn't feel like it
    -he is confident that whenever he cabeceos you, you will accept ( and he is right)
    -the girl sitting next to you is staring him down, and he is afraid that if he tries to cabeceo you, she will jump on him instead
    -his ex girlfriend is there
    -his girlfriend is there
    -everyone is there
    -he has BO
    -he is all sweaty and wet, so he doesn't want you to touch him
    -he is tired
    -he did not see you
    -you are too heavy
    -you step on him
    -the knees collide
    -the planets collide? better not ask me then, my life is already complicated enough

  11. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    If she's a good dancer, nothing at all.

    (Ed). I prefer to call my partners women, rather than girls.
  12. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    LOL! So basically, it remains a mystery and there's nothing you can really do about it.
  13. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    Except that apparently many men feel there is something wrong with it, which I think is kind of sad.
  14. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Yeah, at that rate, it is a miracle we get any dances at all. :D
  15. AndaBien

    AndaBien Well-Known Member

    People can't really change their appearance very much, or their personality. The one thing people can change, and relatively easy, is their dance skills.

    I notice plenty of cute women sitting out, while less attractive but better dancers (women) dance all night long.

    I know people have many and varied reasons to go dancing. If anyone's primary reason is for the sake of dancing, I advocate developing first rate dance skills.
  16. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    On a more serious note, I came across the article that contains tips to the ladies. Perhaps some will find it useful.

    Article written by Marcelo Castelo and published in ArgenTango magazine #2.

    Throughout the years milonga organizers hear continuous complaints from women: "Tonight I danced very little", "There are no men", or "I am not asked to dance".

    The reality is, in general, in many milongas the quantity of women is larger than men. Adding that the men also take breaks between tandas to get a drink or perhaps smoke a cigarette, it lowers the women's possibility of getting a dance. However, women also wonder: what they contribute from their part to the fact that they dance less or more?

    To help all those women here are some suggestions that, albeit obvious, are worth repeating, and, perhaps, would increase their possibility of dancing in the milonga.

    1) Learn to look. It is known that in the traditional milonga the invitation is made by the man by means of cabeceo. So it is essential for the woman to learn to observe and notice these looks and gestures. Sometimes we see women in the beginning of the tanda getting distracted, not paying attention to the man's signals, so the latter changes his mind and chooses to invite someone else. In other cases, for shyness or intimidation, women refuse to look directly at men, and end up sitting. Hence, stay alert under the men's glances, especially at the beginning of each tanda.

    2) Put on your best face. The milonga is a place where people want to relax, forget their everyday problems. For that reason, men will keep away from a woman with a sour facial expression. Your most attractive feature is your smile. Be in a happy mood, others will perceive it. A good moment to show your cheerful disposition would be a salsa break. In my personal opinion, this is the most important advice.

    3) Care where you sit in the room. Often women keep asking to be seated in places that are far from being the best in order to get more dances. Being in the first row, closest to the dance floor is not always the best. When there are no men on the sides or in front within reasonable distance, women will have to wait till someone walks closer to their table. Once you got a seat, study the best angle to direct the glances at prospective partners.

    4) Do not always expect the best. That one illustrates very well the paradox of the dancer: the better one learns to dance, the less possibilities occur to apply it, for the lack of suitable partners. It is inevitable one wishes to dance with somebody better than him/her, but if it were always the case, nobody would ever dance with anyone! Try to go to the milonga with no expectations beyond having some good time, and do not get super selective with the occasional partners. Also, dancing is not everything, lets not reject the opportunity to meet interesting people just because they do not fulfill our expectations as dancers.

    5) Improve your dance level, take lessons. A recurrent saying among milongueros is that everyone believes to be a better dancer than he or she really is. It does not matter what you think about your dance level, it matters what your partners think. When one dances better, she gets invited more. Therefore, take lessons!

    6) To be and to appear. Any woman who frequents the milongas cannot help but notice: when enters a well dressed man, wearing an elegant dark suit, impeccable shoes, he always attracts women's attention. Same goes for women. Hence, if you go to a milonga where people don't know you, the more you look the part, the better. Dressing with elegance, carrying yourself with poise, behaving like a milonguera will secure you a number of invitations to the dance floor. Of course, all that has to come with a decent level of dance.

    7) Become a regular. If you jump a lot from one milonga to another, know that you always have to pay "the floor due" before people start recognizing you. Men tend to invite partners they know, otherwise they wait for someone else to ask a woman, so they can observe her dance level. Upon entering the milonga, give greetings to the men you had danced with in other places. Becoming a regular in a place is the most convenient way of securing dance invitations ( providing you paid attention to all the above mentioned advice).

  17. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member

    This is great advice in general, beyond milongas! :cheers:
  18. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    I don't know anyone that would describe. :kissme:
  19. LadyLeader

    LadyLeader Active Member

    These rules are true but the negative side is the dark possibility to create competition and isolation among followers.

    I think a more productive way would be to cooperate with other followers to attract more leaders to start dancing. There could also be some social control, cooperation on the distribution of the existing dances among followers.

    Men within early tango had exellent controll and cooperation within their group when dealing with the problem of few followers.

    I have two postings about this subject on my blog if you like to read some more about this.


  20. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

    I agree with most of what you're said, however you've ignored "attitude" from my list. Which, considering it's Number 1 on the list, seems strange.

    I will always prefer to dance with a partner with a good (friendly and open) attitude. This trumps ability, and definitely trumps looks, in my book.

    I can't speak for others, of course.

    • Attitude is more important than skill.
    • Skill is more important than looks.
    • Looks are the criteria I use if everything else above the list is equal.


    Like in life, looks give you an advantage. But they'll only get you so far.

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