Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Paula M, Jul 29, 2010.
Ah, you have danced with me then.
that makes me dreadfully unfussy...
I have favourites who i have enjoyed dancing with previuosly and the bad experiences..mostly down to quality of dancing, though I an forgiving of beginners..and there are one or two who I wouldnt go near with a bargepole...the woman who gave every indication of being bored of dancing with me...and the woman who swayed her hips so much i couldnt guess where her weight was.....and the woman who danced with me to Gotan and was rubbish then told me she didnt like nuevo music.....
I bet Quasimodo has a nice apilado...
What kind of embrace does she have?
Yeah, it was purely hypothetical.
You must have had a good attitude.
Let me list some reasons why I might not ask a lady to dance..
Cabeceo.. I find it a very intimidating thing to do, largely because I can't tell if they are ignoring me as part of the cabeceo ettiquette or are simply unaware of the cabeceo ettiquette.
I perceive the lady as being well above my standard and a dance with me would, I imagine, be boring or uncomfortable for her.
I'm taking a breather. I'll skip at least every second tanda to prevent myself getting too sweaty. Or I don't feel like I can dance well to that particular music.
The lady is deep in conversation with someone and I feel it rude to interrupt.
I perceive 'territorial vibes' from the lady's significant other.
(These reasons may just be peculiar to me, and are probably not applicable to anyone else's situation)
I know of ladies who like to engage in deep conversation with other women, and who complain about not being asked to dance very much. Speaking for myself, and I think other guys, I don't mind interrupting a light conversation sometimes, but I probably won't interrupt a deep one. I see other ladies who are talking but also paying attention to what's going on around them, so they are easier to ask. That's when the cabeceo works pretty well.
That's because my post wasn't about your list.. my post was agreeing with your comment on the article (that you thought it rubbish to pretend looks didn't count at all in the top ten).
I do know a somewhat large gentleman who is not ugly or old though...
I try to keep conversation light and look around at the floor and other people not dancing while I chat for this reason, and if someone comes over to ask one of us, I immediately stop talking so they won't feel rude about interrupting. Unless, of course, neither of us wants to dance with him and are hoping he'll go away. Of course, that won't deter him and he'll interrupt anyway.
What I really hate is when someone tries to engage me in a deeper conversation, especially if it's a guy who would rather talk that dance (with anyone, not just me). Do they not get that they're keeping potential partners away?? It particularly irks me when they have my email or we're friends on facebook, so we could talk any time. Dance now. Talk later.
You sound as a sensible person, and I like your reasons. Except #2, I'd say, don't be so hard on yourself, take a risk, give it a try.
I have had the opposite experience. Once when I was at an open-air event at the Tangomarkkinat in Finland, I saw a nice lady standing next to a blond giant who looked as if he could strangle an elk with one hand. As no chairs are provided and everybody stands shoulder to shoulder there was no way of telling if they were together. She was staring at me. The cabeceo is known in Finland, but not common. Was the stare saying "Why aren't you dancing with me, you gorgeous hunk of spunk?" or "If you don't go away, I'll tell my boyfriend here that you're annoying me"?
I bet she was thinking "Oh why did I come with my gay friend..."
Noooo, Not in Finland and i think never in Seinäjoki!
I think it's sad that Pepito died. Now all these women forget that ah...ahem...low centre of gravity has its advantages too . His death made life much more difficult for all us old codgers who've been dancing for more than 20 years.
I think milonga culture plays an important role here.
I am one of the not attractive followers who happen to start at a friendly milonga where a few of the leaders always try to make sure all ladies get dances. Since then I get to improve fast with good leaders as my mentors through milongas and practicas. They told me that I follow well even when I was just beginning to dance. The leaders I have danced with usually invite me again when there is a chance. I don't sit out much now unless I am not in the mood.
This does not apply to every milonga. At one particular milonga, young and attractive is very important. For example, at the beginning of one tanda, at least 3 leaders looked toward an attractive lady who kept playing with her mobile phone. One of them was brave enough to walk to her and got her to dance, then the other two turned away. It was a quiet night, I was sitting there waiting for a dance. I am sure they knew I could dance because those leaders spent a lot of time watching, but they would rather sitting out.
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