What are the 5 top reasons that make a man ask a woman to dance? Beauty comes first?

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Paula M, Jul 29, 2010.

  1. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    I understand. The point is, we may not know what is really going on. There is no obligation to dance or make oneself available for asking.

    About the differences. In ballroom parties, in general, people come to dance. It is encouraged to dance and switch partners as much as possible. The social norm is to be inclusive, and circulate. It is considered impolite to decline an invitation without a very good reason. In milongas, it is not the case. I would say it is somewhat the opposite: one needs a good reason to ask or say "yes".

    Hence, the question of a newcomer from other social dances background: "I go to a venue. The leader-follower ratio is good, I look and behave nicely, I do not have two left feet, I introduce myself around, and still some people do not ask me. What is wrong with the picture? What else would it take to get dances?"
    What I am trying to say that in milongas and practicas at times it takes much more because the group dynamic might be more complicated. Some people did not come with an intention to dance or did not intend to circulate (much). I may go to a milonga to listen to music, drink a glass of vine and chat with a friend who just came back from a trip. In some dance parties it would be rude and unsocial to behave that way, in a milonga it is perfectly fine.

    Of course, in tango communities there are also people who like to circulate a lot, to welcome newcomers. But it is good to be aware of different tendencies, not to take some things that are going on in a milonga personally, and make them discourage you. Although it might not be easy at times.
  2. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I see what you're saying--but, again, I'm not talking about two people participating in a two-way, consensual conversation. I'm talking about when someone monopolizes me in conversation, thereby making it less likely that someone else will ask me to dance. Or does the same to someone else, so the person who's being talked at doesn't get to dance when they want to but don't want to be rude and break off the conversation.

    Eh...yes and no. It's just as normal to show up with your partner and only dance with each other. There are plenty of people who will only dance with their circle, friends, good dancers, dancers they perceive to be of a similar level, etc. I actually don't get many invites there, either, but in that case it's either because they know me and know I'm a teacher and therefore are shy, or because they don't know me. There was a dance I went to for a while that was a small enough community that the leaders finally felt comfortable asking me, so they got to be really fun for me.

    This is very good info, and something I hadn't thought of.
  3. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Being experienced in dance community dynamics, albeit somewhat different, is an advantage. Good luck!
  4. basicarita

    basicarita Member

    LOL. Those would be the ones I would want to dance with. I would think they would be gentlemen!
  5. newbie

    newbie Active Member

    A.T includes a lot of talking. Even when on the dancefloor. During the thirteen first beats you are supposed to chat, and wait the 14th to start dancing. But once you start dancing you don't talk anymore, unlike ballroom. In my ballroom years (social, not comp) I could hear the advanced couples chatting while dancing. A.T is less autopilot, the mind is less available for chatting.
  6. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Thirteen? Really? Exactly that many? Where did that rule come from?
  7. JohnEm

    JohnEm Active Member

    Yeah - and we have to start on the 14th . . . . really, the 14th?

    Ok then, start counting.


    Sorry, can't talk . . . . I'm counting.
  8. LoveTango

    LoveTango Member

    I read from somewhere that you are supposed to wait a little after the music start and then everyone would start dancing almost all at the same time. If you started too soon, You act impolite like you start eating before everyone else at dinner table. If you chatted too long, you block other dancer. "14th" beat sounds very precise.:)
  9. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    That's just predictable 2 beats per bar; first movement = 8 bars = 16 beats
    so really it ought to be on the 17th; first beat of second movement, but I go for for an offbeat synchopation on a prime number myself, ......except if Leo is Trine with cancer in which case a CCW giro is called for as an opening gambit*


    *unless there's a singer, in which case I go against the line of dance heading for the bar
  10. Indiana_Jay

    Indiana_Jay Active Member

    :uplaugh:
  11. Ampster

    Ampster Active Member

    That seems to be a long time before starting to move... at least from where I'm from. By that time, you would already be blocking traffic.


    That's what happens in a milonga most of the time
  12. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    Maybe he's confusing it with Chacarera where you really do start on a specific beat after waiting.
  13. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    This is true in Buenos Aires. I've never seen it outside of BA, but my travel for tango is admittedly limited.
  14. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    Yeah, the custom is to wait a bit before starting (although I've never heard of the 14 beat rule before). Usually, I'll take my cue from the music as when to start, which depending on the song, could vary quite a bit.

    After thinking about it, there's probably nothing wrong with starting at beat 14. It's just not what I do.
  15. tangobro

    tangobro Active Member

    you've been dancing AT for about 1 month. As I posted earlier, my 2 top reasons for asking are:

    1- I've danced with her before & feel we are compatible for the tanda being played.
    2- I've seen her dance with other leaders who have a style I admire & I think we may be compatible.

    It may take me a month at #2 before I try to find if she will she be a good dancer with me

    I will almost never ask a lady who is with another guy, so if you are there with your husband, and you are together (not he off dancing or sitting somewhere else) I probably would not ask.
  16. tangobro

    tangobro Active Member

    I've had various instructors say (depending on their musical literacy) that the 1st 2 bars of a song are basically to listen to the intro and to begin coming together for the embrace before starting the dance. The chatting is secondary, listening is primary. Here in New York City's milongas it is not uncommon to find couples who chat & block the dancefloor for longer than that.
  17. Captain Jep

    Captain Jep New Member

    yeah thats what Ive heard too. But my experience on the floor is that sometimes you want to get right back into it. In which case you might not even break the embrace. And so you come back to judging the quality of the dance on the quality and warmth of that embrace..
  18. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    I noticed there were some New Yorkers up in Providence for New Years Eve. A few of them did seem to take half way through the song to get going.

    [​IMG]
  19. Ampster

    Ampster Active Member

    There are many, many times where the embrace is not broken at all... If the chemistry is right. There is nothing wrong about that, and, it doesn't give rise to waiting and extended amount of time.
  20. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    Well, I don't know if it's because I wore heels tonight, or if it was because Greg danced more, or because the guys are getting to know that he doesn't care who I dance with, or maybe a combination of all three, but I had a GREAT night tonight! Got lots of tandas in. Made me feel much better!

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