Whining Thread #2

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by cornutt, Jan 23, 2008.

  1. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    I felt I had to because I'm leaving for a comp at 8am tomorrow, and not getting back until 11pm, by which time it will have been the next housemate's turn, and the dishes would just keep piling.
  2. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    That, or she's like me and just can't stand a dirty kitchen. I admit to not being the best housekeeper in general, but dirty kitchens are disgusting.
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    re; joe...right...exactly... most young women repress or complain to others, most middle aged women nag, most of us old women have simply learned how to make our point without saying a word
    Bailamosdance likes this.
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I am the opposite, I keep a clean-ish house.... but, while I hate dirty dishes, I also loathe doing them and I resent the fact that the other people in my family who like to cook think they are mine to do...so...sometimes they sit...dishes and my car are the two areas in my life about which I would not want people to make over-arching judgements regarding my standards of cleanliness....
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Totally with you on this one, fasc, in all counts. I hate a dirty kitchen but often hate washing dishes even more. And don't even get me started on cleaning the car. But, in general, I do like clean.


    And yes to the indirect communication. A lot of women were just plain raised that way. I cannot count the number of times I've heard my Mom say, "I was so mad that I just didn't say anything!!" Seriously.

    Suggestion for L. It's expensive and can add up quickly, so use judiciously. But ... paper plates work, when you're trying to make a point. So do microwave entrees. Generate no dishes. Feel no responsibility to clean up after others. Done and done.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    yep....I will use the same empty gatorade bottle, or whatever, for everything I drink other than coffee, for a week...then pitch it....and am a big fan of paper plates if I am only feeding myself...not all the time mind you, but if I am in a time period where things are very busy and I know I don't have time to add dishes into the mix..
  7. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    L, what I've observed in my years is that dividing up chores by days doesn't usually work that well; dividing them up by job usually works better. That way, each person can take the chores that they are most suited to, or that they mind doing the least, or that bother them the most if they don't get done. As you might guess from my previous post, most of the kitchen chores are my job. (And if I'm cleaning up, dirty dishes go straight into the dishwasher. They don't go into the sink unless the dishwasher is full, or something needs to soak.) I also do vacuuming, since horsing around a vacuum is easier for me than for DW. One of DW's chores is laundry; she has a sorting and handling system that is so complicated that I frankly don't understand it all, so that's her job. I only wash things like T-shirts and socks and towels. And she has more of an eye for detail than I do, so she does a lot of the detail tasks like dusting. She takes care of the plants because she has a green thumb and I don't. I handle most of the yard chores and repair jobs since I'm better with tools.
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I would say, and then I need a quick nap(who schedules staff meetings at 6 am on satudays?), I think you guys maybe ought to consider wash as you go and no one does anything more than their own stuff
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    There was a blurb on NPR this week. Couples that divide household chores are more likely to divorce than couples who don't. Who knew? lol. (I sense many, many lurking variables in the results of this study. Just sayin.)

    But yeah. I agree with cornutt. I think it's easier if everybody picks the jobs that they're best suited to and/or that irritate them the most when left undone.
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    dh does his own laundry because I stink at folding....that is about the only official policy around here...if he truly doesn't like how I do something, he does it...otherwise, well, I do it...so that is pretty much everything except his laundry and grocery shopping...as I was fired long ago for buying too much "food -free" food....
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I would bet that they don't control for whether or not they are couples who also divide everything else up ...and are therefore living very separate lives within the same home....which IS definately the main cause for the end of intimacy
  12. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    hmmm...just lost a post...was saying...dh has only one official job which he claimed for himself because I stink at folding....so he does his own laundry....other than that and grocery shopping since I "buy too much food-free food", I pretty much do the rest...I am cool with that most of the time...except when the kids are home...because they are pigs
  13. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    There are 5 people in our house, though. Dividing up the dishes in to days works really well, usually.
    And I don't really want to make a point. Don't want to be passive-aggressive. It's not the kind of relationship that BF and I have. Next time I see him, I will just point out that he really should do the dishes. Now.
  14. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I see a difference between acting in accordance with ones own boundaries and being passive-aggressive. Passive-aggressive = pretending everything's fine while expecting BF to read your mind and realize that you want him to take his fair turn doing the dishes. Assertive = not doing dishes when it's his turn. Fine line, but there is a difference, IMHO.
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    npr story

    Here's a link to the NPR story. I left out an important detail. Couples that divide household chores EQUALLY are more likely to divorce, according to this Norwegian study. (Sensing even more lurking variables. Oh yeah.)

    The study was cited as the starting point for a challenge, in which NPR listeners tried to come up with a country song title on the topic.

    The winning title?

    By the Time I Get To Windex (She'll Be Leaving)


    What a hoot!
  16. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Perhaps the equality leads to bean-counting.
  17. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Perhaps the equality leads to bean-counting.
  18. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Frick-a-frack. Stupid crappy xenforo DP.
    j_alexandra likes this.
  19. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    That's the conclusion I came to. Either that or a bean-counting mentality leads to artificial equality. Who knows which came first? Either way, I think fasc is onto something. The everything-must-be-even approach could be a serious intimacy killer. Life is about give and take -- something I consider one of the perks of being in a relationship.

    To me, there's nothing natural about counting how many plates who washed or keeping track of how many square feet of lawn somebody mowed. Equal? Eh. To me, it doesn't have to be equal; it has to be fair. Two different things.
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    I've decided to ignore it. I'm hoping that'll make it go away. *grin*

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