While I agree that equal != fair, I can also see L's point about this. Just as there can be a fine line (but a line, nonetheless) between being assertive and being passive aggressive, I think there can be a very fine line between not bean counting and letting things slide. Sure, it could be bean counting. But the point is, it's a system that people agreed on. If it's not working, then it's not fair or right for one person to decide unilaterally that they aren't going to keep their end of the agreement. Similarly, there's a difference between not bean counting and being OK with other people not pulling their own weight. And, like Lioness, I can see the rationale behind doing everything, including what someone else should have done but instead left for you; to me, to do anything other than take care of your stuff (even if not fair) is the equivalent of descending to another's level. Shrug. Then again, this is still an ongoing struggle between DH and me (12 years later), so I'm definitely bitter about this and certainly biased.