Why don't guys dance?

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by dancin_feet, Mar 10, 2004.

  1. TemptressToo

    TemptressToo Member

    To quote my boyfriend, dancing is "gay." I'm also told by male dancers that do indeed know how to twirl a lady AND who are definitely NOT gay...that the "gay" thing is definitely the majority's reasoning for not participating.

    I have to admit...SOME dancing does require a more "femininesque" approach to make it look good.

    You might want to try attending a social swing dance or two...there seems to be a lot of male swing dancers. Perhaps, if a friendship is forged...you might easily convince him to cross over. Generally, the swing dancing types enjoy a chance to improve their skills (which can be utilized towards making them look even better on the swing dance floor).
  2. Porfirio Landeros

    Porfirio Landeros New Member

    As long as ladies give in to men that don't dance, they'll get what they ask for, because men will do what it takes, but no more than that... and if they don't HAVE to be a dancer, then they won't.

    You don't bring a truck home from the dealer, and try to make it a sports car ;-)
  3. danceguy

    danceguy New Member

    Yes! Grrr....*flexes muscles* (hmm, I think its time to start pumping iron again). :?

    There's been a lot of talk about getting into dance for potential romance, and it may work for some, not for others. Myself, I used to be terrified of asking women out on dates. Same when asking them to dance. After a few months of dancing asking women to dance has becoming fairly easy for me. I have also noticed that in my day to day life, I'm much more friendly and outgoing to others, I make more eye contact with women I talk to...strike up conversations (see a trend here?)...and I have dancing to thank for that.

    Part of the reason I stayed with dancing was that I did meet women I found attractive, and while I may not have dated any of them...at least I got to dance with them! I'd rather share a 5 min dance with a beautiful woman that sit at home and watch TV any day!

    Plus ...I've found that if you even say the word "Salsa" around any women of Hispanic/Latino descent...you will suddenly be the center of attention!

    Dancing helps us communicate with others on so many levels. Before dance, I could easily be swept away by a woman who was totally the wrong type for me. I've met MANY of these in dance...that person may catch your eye, make your blood surge...but then you dance with her...she's rude, backleading, giving you the deathgrip and/or noodle arms...

    Then suddenly...:oops:

    All you can think of doing is running away! :car: :headwall:

    Being involved in a partner dance with teach you a lot about someone. People who you find attractive suddenly lose their glow when you're holding them close and the masks are off. Or, the person you never would have consider may sweep you off your feet...and just maybe...that stunning person may be even more attractive after you dance with them! :D

    So when I admire the female gender now...I may look a lady over but I always think "I wonder if she dances?"...how would it be to dance with her? The few women I knew before dancing were few in number...and I would easily be disappointed if I asked one out and it didn't go well.

    Now I have many more options to choose from to have my heart broken! Many opportunites to ask for a dance/date and get rejected, or talk to a woman and see what she's about.

    If that's not progress, then I don't know what is. ;)

    SG
  4. cupojoe2

    cupojoe2 New Member

    I think your BF is on to something here... not that dancing is a “gay thing,” but that most men are terrified of doing anything that might cause someone to doubt which team they play for...

    Do you remember what Jennifer Lopez said to Matthew McConaughey in the “Wedding Planner” after he told her that he learned to dance in ballroom class?

    It is the reason we act so silly about touching each other and won't comment on how other men look.

    It is sad...
  5. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    ! Claro! papi....that's why I've spent so much time here 8) ! This is the place (my santuary) where I can share my thoughts/fellings/ideas of salsa/dancing/related issues to these guys who share my passion & will not get the wrong idea (say, if i wanted to talk/share thoughts)...!

    I wish nothing more than to one day dance with my DF salseros......
  6. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    :uplaugh: :notworth: :notworth: :notworth: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Gotta lov' ya....! :lol: :lol: :lol:
  7. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    HHS hit the nail on its head.......I've had countless requests from guys (friends as well as potential dating interests) who asked me to teach them how to dance. Two reasons why this idea doesn't work:

    1. Just because someone is a good dancer at a club does not automatically make them a good teacher. Many great dancers I know have trouble breaking down/explaining the moves.

    2. I am a follower (100%! If the lead is NOT there I physically have NO idea what to do :shock: ).......I can't show guys how to lead. I can only work with them once they know how to lead......that's when I can take them to a different level.

    8) So guys, take SalsaRhythms' advice.....off to dance lessons.....
    so we can dance with YOU :wink: !
  8. dancin_feet

    dancin_feet New Member

    I agree that it is very difficult for a follow to teach a leader's steps and lead. Though it is possible. I usually do the step myself and think of the lead I am waiting for and then try to simulate that lead with the person I am teaching. I basically know what I am looking for to tell me to do the step, so if I teach a lead and then get them to dance with me, I know whether it is right or not by how it feels. Kinda like taking the finished product and working backwards.

    That's how I teach anyway without having official "lead" classes. I also listen very closely to the lead's steps in group class!!! If I am uncertain though, I won't even attempt it.

    I do agree though that leads need to take proper classes in how to lead. This could be a non-confronting start, though. Give 'em a head start before they go out to a public class!
  9. brujo

    brujo New Member

    When I was in high school, we had a cafeteria owner who was a good dancer. He was confident when he had to dance, and he seem to know what he was doing. He was not NY salsa flashy, and could never win any competitions, but whenever there was a school event or an assembly and the girls would grab profs out of the crowd to dance with them, he was the only one that laughed and went beyond the simple two-step of the other embarassed white men. His confidence attracted me and made me not think twice when the opportunity came up to dance.

    I think something that I don't see too much of anymore is that sheer joy of just dancing that I saw in him. People seem too preocupied with others judging, critisizing, feeding on the insecurities of each other. Don't exactly know where this is going...
  10. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    i personally learned the nuances of leading from a leader, then developed that skill by practicing with partners of different following ability. i submit that a single follower will only be able to teach a leader how subtle a lead works for her.

    my lead can vary depending on the following skills of my partner. example: basic salsa underarm turn. any decent follower will interpret raising her right arm correctly so that she turns underneath it. but let's say she's so inexperienced that she doesn't even know the basic footwork (step straight forward on her left foot, etc.). i raise her right arm AND maintain contact on her shoulder with my right hand until she's completed 180 degrees of her turn and do the 'polish the halo/wipe the inside of the bowl/whatever you call it' with the left hand. with a really experienced partner i can drop her right hand and just do a slight rolling action with my right palm as she steps forward with her left foot and she'll go into a free right turn.
  11. johnnywalker

    johnnywalker New Member

    Hi
    I'm only new new here but after reading through the threads for the past couple of weeks I decided to sign up and join in the fun. Anyway, i'd like to think i'm a typical Aussie male; the difference being that I love dancing (ballroom, salsa, swing...you name it). I've been dancing for approx. 5 years now and enjoy it immensely. Not realy that good but i'm in it for fun. However, when I first told friends of my intention, quite a number looked at me strangely or made some unpleasant remarks such as 'that's so gay' etc. These type of comments even came from some female acquaintances. Anyway, I didn't care for their opinions (i'm a little arrogant that way; if I want to do something, which isn't harmful, i'll do it) and into dancing I plunged. Although now some friends have become a little enlightened I still come across so many so called 'blokes' who would never think of trying it. Just recently a new guy at work laughed at me when he found out. But I still don't care. I enjoy it and also enjoy so many other activities. They never tease me about doing martial arts but then I guess that's perceived as being 'cool'. To me it's all movement and that's what I love; the liberation in motion. Most guys i've spoken to about dancing give me the impression they're inhibited and fear being perceived as someone other than one of the guys. No thanks, i'd rather be happy on the dance floor (preferably surrounded by women) than to look like a moron on the edge of it faking masculinity.
    BTW - Great forum :D
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Welcome johnnywalker! :D

    Yes. I've often had the impression that a lot of guys do want to try it -- they're just afraid of how their friends will perceive them. I'm a little surprised that women would make negative remarks to you, though. Most of the women I've met are just glad to have a dancing guy around.

    Glad you're having fun! :D
  13. Vin

    Vin New Member

    I agree that it can be difficult for a follow to teach a lead.
    However you should still be able to teach a lead the basic and how to lead a couple of turns. Enough to get anyone started. I learned alot through videos and with the help of a female friend.
  14. KevinL

    KevinL New Member

    Welcome to the forums Johhnywalker!
  15. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Hi everyone--I'm new to the site, and I usually like to lurk for a bit--but I had to laugh when I read some of these posts.

    Good Lord, as if growing up as an actor and musician wasn't enough--I wouldn't have been caught dead going to dance class. You know, it's not that easy being a boy, and where I grew up in NY if you wanted to dance you'd better know how to fight too....

    Much of growing up as a boy involves avoiding dance--if you're always in a show, you never have time to attend school dances anyway, and if you find yourself on the other side of the bandstand--musicians have a very convenient excuse not to dance. Even grown up, finding guys who will bother to learn to dance is hard--usually only married guys who decide to do something with their spouse.

    On the other hand, I have to say, finding women who *actually* dance is not an easy task either. I have many friends who are relatively young, unattached actresses--and getting them to go out even social dancing for a night is like pulling teeth. And there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in taking the time to really learn, like everything else. Women are maybe less repressed than men in being willing to attempt something on the floor, but finding someone, anyone outside of studios and competitions--man or woman--who can lead/follow is like stumbling onto El Dorado after hacking through jungle foliage for weeks and months.

    So, I'm sorry that the gals are having a hard time finding guys in the club scene who dance--but it's not easy from the other side of the gender divide either, though I imagine I'm going to hear a veritable orchestra of the world's smallest cyber violins playing a sad song....

    Cheers,

    Genesius
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hehe! Another of life's great mysteries solved. That explains why my musician guy friends always wanted to play the big, burly instrucments (like trombone). That way, they could beat up the bullies on the way home. LOL.

    Good point about dancing on either side of the gender divide, Genesius. There aren't exactly tons of women out the who are great dancers, either. This particular board is a little... Okay a lot skewed in favor of dancers. But if you go out to a nightclub, you'll see many weird gyrations in the name of dancing, but, often, dancing it ain't.

    btw. Love your signature line. Shakespeare? Other?
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Uh oh. Better post a disclaimer. There are many, many salsa addicts on this board. LOL. If you go to a top 40, pop-type, dance club, you'll see many weird gyrations ... etc.

    If you go to a salsa club, you'll likely see some good dancing. :wink: 8)
  18. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    Funny you should mention the trombone, because that is in fact my axe of choice--although for a long time I tried to play in the sensitive ballad-style of the 30s and 40s before I grew up and gave myself over to a burly be-bop style masculinity. :wink:

    Signature line is from "Twelfth Night" (I. iii. 112-116). I'm glad it appealed to your classical soul, since your handle comes either from Ovid or Shaw. Or is it by way of Lerner and Lowe?

    Cheers,

    Genesius
  19. Christina75

    Christina75 New Member

    As for the top-40, pop style dance clubs, a guy I knew called that "cheese dancing" lol He would go swing dancing or salsa dancing several nights a week and then declare that he needed a break and was going cheese dancing. :D

    And as for the lack of guys dancing, a sad time in my dance life was when I was swing dancing. There had been a few dozen of us "old regulars" who had been dancing together for quite some time, mostly a balance of guys and girls. Eventually the scene became more popular and unfortunately the new dancers were more girls than guys. My long time dance partners began to have to tell myself and the other girls to "take a number". One guy literally kept a list in his pocket of dances he had promised. Occasionally feelings would get hurt over broken promises and missed dances. (there's only so many songs in a night) I know the guys couldn't help it really and I was happy that dancing was becoming so popular but it did make me miss the way it had been, you know?

    Some of the girls did learn to lead pretty well and we sometimes danced with each other. In my case, this dancing situation allowed me to be bold and forward. I would get up my nerve and approach some guy who was leaning against the bar and watching. I would look for the guy who looked like he might really want to dance but for some reason wasn't. (curious but cautious) I wasn't a great teacher for those who didn't know how to dance and sometimes I would get refused but other times I would find a diamond in the rough. Now if I could just learn to be forward in the rest of my life :oops:

    Christina
    p.s. I like JohnnyWalker's name :D welcome!
    p.p.s. why are my posts always so long?
  20. Christina75

    Christina75 New Member

    lol! amen! If I hear a hint of a guy who might be even interested in dancing (even if he's never had a lesson) I swear I hear the chorus of hallelujah angels. Gotta love living in a small town. :)

    Christina

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