General Dance Discussion > Wife dancing without spouse

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by nondancer, Apr 29, 2008.

  1. RickRS

    RickRS Member

    You people; get this really serious thread going and THEN start with the boobies jokes :rolleyes: ;)

    BM, I'm game, tell me more about Knapp's Model. Here, or a new thread, as you wish.
  2. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    ahem....before my moderating status gets revoked, can we please begin to take a giant step (we have minors on board)
  4. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    And how is that offensive to minors? I think I was a minor when I first saw it.
  5. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    Why does working in a mine have anything to do with it?
  6. Easy

    Easy Active Member

    Well the thread had a happy ending ;) Hijacking permitted hopefully...without the endangered bird jokes he he
  7. RickRS

    RickRS Member

    A very happy ending! And on top of that, thanks to Joe, I've been Rick-rolled for the first time! Man, that's what concern for endangered birds can do to oneself. (What? You thought I clicked that link thinking it was something else?)
  8. BM

    BM New Member

    Knapp's Model!

    Since we've already gone on a boobie tear, I think it's safe to hijack a little more - after all, it does sort of relate to the original post . . . :rolleyes:

    -------------------5. Bonding-------6. Differentiating
    -------------4. Integrating----------------7. Circumscribing
    ---------3. Intensifying-------------------------8. Stagnating
    ----2. Experimental-----------------------------------9. Avoiding
    -1. Introductory------------------------------------------10. Terminating

    1. Introductory. This stage is incredibly short. It is literally the introductions that take place between two people ("Hi, nice to meet you," or "Hi, how are you today?"). Introductions take place between all people with whom you interact, be it a new class mate, the cashier at the grocery store, a job interviewer, and so on.

    2. Experimental. After the introductory stage, two people decide whether they want to pursue a relationship. They exchange high-postive, low-intimacy information (the general stuff: where you're from, common interests . . . classic trend with college orientations: "Hi, what's your name? Where are you from? What's your major?") with each other to learn more about each other. The information shared is pretty non-committal: you likely won't share deeply personal information within ten minutes of meeting a person.

    3. Intensifying. At this point in a relationship, two people begin to share more involved information with each other. Trust has been established between the two people. For example, someone in a frienship at this stage might finally be able to confess that he has a very rocky relationship with his father, who just walked out on the family again. People become more comfortable with each other, becoming familiar not only with each other's positive qualities, but their negatives, as well (bad habits, for example). People provide each other with more context of themselves - previous relationships, future goals, and so on. Other people begin to associate the two people with each other.

    4. Integrating. Think "best friends." The two people go out of their way to be together. For students, it may be scheduling classes together. In business, it may be that they are always on the same projects. In a romantic relationship, the two people may move in together. If receiving an invitation, the two people will receive one invitation, rather than one addressed to "Joe Smith and Guest." With most lasting relationships, this is the highest stage a relationship will reach.

    5. Bonding. Discussed previously. Arguably the highest, strongest stage of a relationship, when it is formally recognized. Think marriage (in a few ways: the bride and groom, the recognition of the best man or maid of honour), blood brothers, business partners co-opening a business. As a side note, whenever your friend is telling you a story and says, "It was a bonding experience," it probably wasn't. Chances are it was an intensifying or integrating moment. ;)

    I have to run now, but I'll get back to this!
  9. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    Can I get fries with that?
  10. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    Sorry, no substitutions! :bandit:
  11. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    I love that post BM!!! Hmmm... stage 3 is where my x and I are at right now. We are learning to take the bad and the good and are trying to communicate better in order to be together. Interesting!;)
  12. RickRS

    RickRS Member

    Interesting that the model is to chart all types of relationships; that it could be of a marriage, or it could be of a business partnership. As it applies for romantic and plutonic relationships, do it have applications for parent/child relationships, as well?
  13. BM

    BM New Member

    Absolutely. Not all family relationships are at the same stage: some are incredibly close, but others, not so much. I have work until 5.30 this evening, but the next time I log in I will cover stages (6) through (10) and the various "rules" of the model after that. ::grins::
  14. BM

    BM New Member

    Knapp's Model, pt. II

    . . . And, we're back!

    6. Differentiating. Discussed perviously. Either stronger than bonding (incredibly rare), or the beginning of the deteriorating stages (fairly typical). At least one member of the relationship begins to break away in order to recreate an individual identity, e.g., taking dance classes without one's spouse.

    7. Circumscribing. Opposite of integrating (4). The relationship deteriorates here, with one person completely cutting the other out, and keeping things separate from him/her. Examples may include moving out of a lover's apartment, purposely taking different class sections than a fellow pupil, accepting projects without the fellow coworker, no longer inviting one's mother to the biweekly manicure date.

    8. Stagnating. Opposite of intensifying (3). Intimacy and/or amount of disclosure within the relationship decreases. There is no effort to grow the relationship. An example would be staying in a relationship that's not going anywhere because it's "easier," parents staying together only for the sake of the children, etcetera. The relationship is in a rut that is going nowhere.

    9. Avoiding. Opposite of experimenting (2). Fairly explanatory: one goes out of his/her way to not communicate with the other person. What communication does occur is minimal, and the degree of avoidance which occurs normally begins fairly small, then snowballs.

    10. Termination. Although self-explanatory, not always clear. Some people just avoid into termination, which makes interpretation tricky, since nothing's official (however, with romantic relationship's it's a bit easier with applications such as Facebook, which can make things VERY clear).

    Notes on How the Model Works

    - ALL relationships must go through the introduction and termination stage. If nothing else, when one person dies, the relationship is over. You may still care and think about the person, but you cannot communicate with him or her.

    - You cannot force someone up the model. Whenever there is a differentiation in views as to what stage the relationship stands, whoever feels that it is lowest and/or furthest to the right, is correct. For example, if one of you thinks that you're intensifying the relationship, but the other is avoiding you, you are in the avoiding stage.

    - You can go up or down the same side. It's not a one-way trip. You may be in the intensifying stage, then decide that perhaps it's wiser to keep intensifying for a while.

    - You don't skip stages going up. That's a really bad idea: "Hi, I'm John. Let's get married." It's sort of a one-way ticket to go right back down.

    - You can skip stages going down (e.g.,from differentiating to avoiding).

    - You can cut across and down (e.g., from integrating to stagnating).

    - You can not cut across and up (e.g., from experimenting to circumscribing).

    - Once you have terminated, you cannot go back up. If the relationship was not terminated due to mortality, you can start over again, though.

    - Don't try to cut back to the left and up (e.g., from stagnating to integrating).

    That's all I can recall right now, but I'd be happy to field questions/comments (and post more as/if I remember). :p
  15. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    The model makes sense. Can a relationship reverse the flow in more advanced stages (i.e. it was stagnating, and then people in it make some sort of effort and reverse it back into differentiating stage)?
  16. BM

    BM New Member

    Double-checked my notes, which only say that going back up is impossible (from termination). I am not sure if that means that when it terminates, then you can't go back up, or if once you make it to avoiding, for example, you can't even get back to circumscribing. I am assuming the latter, reason being that I do know that if the relationship is stagnating, that it can go back across to intensifying and work its way back up. I think that makes more sense than going backwards from stagnating to circumscribing to differentiating. Going up from the right sounds almost forced ("I'm not really making any effort to develop our relationship - stagnating - but maybe I'll just not include you in my life as much in an effort to improve it - circumscibing."), but going back to the left and up would be the result of genuinely wanting to improve the relationship ("Okay, this relationship isn't going anywhere - stagnating - let's try trusting and actually confiding our problems to each other again - intensifying).
  17. lcdancesport

    lcdancesport Active Member

    This is really interesting BM, I don't think I've ever looked at a relationship that way before.
  18. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    Thus the cases of old high school sweethearts marrying after 50 years apart or did they never really terminate?

    But a question on avoiding. What if in the early stages people are playing mindgames / hard-to-get and they pretend to be ignoring each other or some such silliness? Or maybe get angry about something and need some space to sort out their feelings? (Maybe that's not genuine avoidance. Maybe that's "I'm ignoring you, so you better notice.")

    You see all kinds of drama on the dance floor if you look closely enough. Or maybe it's just the phase of the moon...
  19. RickRS

    RickRS Member

    I would guess in an old sweethearts' reunion they did terminate the relationship those years ago, but re-did the cycle of 1-5 in record time because of renewed feelings.
  20. BM

    BM New Member

    Never really terminated, just . . . dormant. There's no timing out of a stage. For example, you may have known your brother for as long as you can remember, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're integrating. If you were never that close, for all intents and pruposes, you may be almost perpetually in the experimenting stage.

    Bingo. The right side of the model pertains to genuine deterioration of a relationship. The mind games are probably more along the lines of experimenting (are you really worth the effort).

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