General Dance Discussion > Women asking men to dance.

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Spitfire, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    Honey that is because you are basically saying "these two things are different" without elaborating on why they are different, and expecting us to know. And being condescending towards us for not reading your mind.
  2. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    Back on topic... I don't find a club setting much different from a studio setting, except that the crowd is much more varied. I love it because there are men and women of every age bracket and every race when I go out to my favorite salsa club. They came from different places and different dance backgrounds. They may not understand any phrase other than "Would you like to dance?" But they are there TO dance and will not say no. Many may be too shy to ask. I have never been turned down and in fact if I spot someone I would like to dance with I need to grab him before another girl does.
  3. Anchovynist

    Anchovynist New Member

    My kind of gal.
  4. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    Count me up as another ballroom snob. Why would I even want to go to "night clubs or similar"?
  5. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    To practice your latin dances with... cute latin men!
  6. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Why not ask men to dance? Because I'm shy and I lack confidence in my dancing, that's why. But you know what? I recently *did* pull myself together and ask a leader to dance, and the sky did not fall, the earth did not open and swallow me, nor did I spontaneously combust.

    I had watched this gentleman dance well all evening, and suddenly, he was sitting out a foxtrot. I consider it an obscene waste of a valuable public resource to have a good leader sitting out a foxtrot. So I walked over to where he was sitting, asked him if he did Smooth, and he was, if not happy to say yes, at least pleasant about it, and we foxtrotted away. So I've broken the ice.

    The next time I asked a man to dance, he was a pretty terrified beginner, sitting in a corner; his wife had been taken off to dance by the social's MC, and he was all alone, with That Look on his face. I know That Look; I've felt myself wearing it often enough. So I stuck out a hand and asked him if he waltzed. He did; we did, and the dance was delightful, because he began to enjoy himself very quickly. So what if all he could do was a basic box and a tentative twinkle? He had fun; I had fun. So, lesson learned: other people are shy and lack confidence in their dancing, too.

    Resolved: next time I go dancing, I'll do the whistle-a-happy-tune thing, stick out a hand, and say, "Waltz?"

    What's the worst that can happen?
  7. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    I prefer women sneaking up behind me and tapping me on the shoulder. Depending on how playful the lady is, she can have all sorts of ways of tapping the gentleman on the shoulder that will make any man say yes.
  8. Anchovynist

    Anchovynist New Member

    The worst that can happen is, nothing happens. Best case, lots of fun dancing. Pretty good odds on that bet.
  9. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    good for you, JA! am always happy to hear this.

    lemme tell ya... if i'm in a situation where i'm a bit self-conscious about my ability -- or rather, the way i completely disavow myself of the pressure of self-consciousness -- i simply say i'm a beginner and don't know that much about that style of dance (or am rusty...) as we walk onto the floor. so...even if i'm asking someone to dance, i will say this. and it puts me at ease, and puts the lead at ease, and gives him some idea (hopefully) that he should stay a little conservative with me until he gets a feel for what my actual ability is.

    i wouldn't say this with standard anymore (unless he's a champ-amateur dancer or pro), but i say this all the time with WCS and hustle, as it's the truth. it lowers their expectations. then, if we have a good connection and they're a good leader, they will naturally jack up the complexity of their lead. and if i screw up...meh... no worries...they were warned. ;)

    but it really does go a long way to feel more at ease if insecurity (realistic or otherwise) is an issue.

    fwiw, with the hustle/WCS crowd, i actually allow the leads to ask me far more than i would in a ballroom situation. it's just out of respect for their experience level...i'm less inclined to subject them to my ignorance. unless i've briefed them well. ;-)

    i agree! in these cases, i do ask all the time. why not? and i love asking beginners. i have been taken care of soooooo generously as a beginner by experienced leads. i am happy to return the graciousness, whenever i can. unless there's potential injury involved. *grin*. and even then... i can be resourceful. ;)
  10. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    my experience is that men just love and respond very well to being asked, however it occurs. if it's a newbie, i will be more formal. otherwise, i will usually sidle up and ask. i generally only touch the man if i know him. sometimes i will move onto the dance floor and motion to them nicely (or...playfully or enticingly if there's an established relationship :cool:) to join me... they don't care.

    most people really enjoy being welcomed warmly into a dance, however it occurs. :D

    i know that a lot of experienced pro-am female dancers experience leads being intimidated, but IME the investment of a certain initiative, attitude, and warmth seems to make a big difference in overcoming that intimidation. personally, i can't say i've experienced it. or, if i do, i very rapidly go the extra mile to make the leader feel comfortable and more relaxed so that he wouldn't hesitate to ask again. makes both sides have a much better time. :D
  11. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    That sounds like a great idea! Though I'm not sure if I'd be so keen about being "activated". It makes me feel like beeping. Maybe if another term were used... ;)

    Welcome to Dance Forums, Fred&Lily!
  12. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    heh, I don't even like my name on our little announbcement board at studio. Erased name leftover from party last week and they just put up new announcement for this week, which inlcuded me again. :p
  13. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    Babe, what's with the typos there? You drinking a little?
  14. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    just a glass of wine. I think it just means I can't type. :)
  15. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    lol Activated...
  16. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    From what I've found in my personal experience from social dancing Lindy and WCS, there are usually more girls than guys. Especially the more Adv guy dancers are rarer. This makes it so if you even want to dance with one of them, you have to ask and sometimes grab the next couple of songs down because they've already promised the next couple of dances. Now, I personally usually liked being asked, but sometimes it's just not practical if I want to dance a lot.
  17. Indiana_Jay

    Indiana_Jay Active Member

    For the same reason, when I was a beginning leader, I rarely asked more experienced followers to dance, even when many of them were sitting. I assumed none would enjoy being led in the few steps I knew. OTOH, if one of them asked me to dance and didn't enjoy it, that would be their own fault!

    I have since learned that I needn't have worried about that.

    Good for you!

    LOL. I usually "sit out" the first few phrases of almost every dance. I like to give all the other leaders the first opportunity to invite followers (this also provides a chance to catch my breath, rehydrate, etc.). Then I pick from the followers who remain one with whom I haven't danced yet that evening ... unless a follower asks me first, in which case, she "wins!" There are exceptions to this practice. For example, when DF's StandardGirl makes one of her rare appearances at one of our local socials, she'll usually get several invitations from me that evening -- just because I so rarely get to dance with her.

    Yes! It has long been my belief that people who are bashful and/or lack confidence are often unfairly thought of as unfriendly. Good for you for learning the truth.

    The worst that can happen is someone will say, "no thanks." But in the ballroom scenes I frequent, that almost never happens.
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    hi jay...waves :)
  19. RenOrsino

    RenOrsino Member

    When I taught for my university, my class rule was that no one was allowed to say no when asked to dance. With a few exceptions other leads have expressed, I see no reason to say no to anyone. Even in the case of someone one finds unpleasant, a song usually isn't so long that I can't "suffer" a few minutes. (Almost said minuets. Not quite). There's always fun to be had anyway, if you dance for yourself.

    Anyway, on the subject of the subject, I love it when a follow asks me to dance. In some ways, it's a compliment, and in others, well, it's nice to have one's efforts reciprocated. The confidence is always attractive anyway, even if just in a dance partner.
  20. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    I've danced socially for around 11 years now. I was also taught that it's extremely rude to say "No" to someone. If you're exhausted and need a breather, politely ask the person for a raincheck in order to catch your breath, and then grab them the next song (be sure to follow-up on it!). Then, no matter who asks you next during the same song (even a Pro), do NOT then dance with them since you already turned someone else down. When you decline and raincheck, you are out for the count on that dance.

    However, from a follower's perspective, there are only two reasons why I will politely say "No thanks", and both reasons are after I've danced with them once.

    #1 - They hurt me when leading; not just like an "oops, I messed that move up", but the way they actually lead. I've had a lot of dance injuries and refuse anymore to put myself through that.
    #2 They're really slimy/creepy and are using the dance as a way to undress me visually and get their hands on me.

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