General Dance Discussion > Women asking men to dance.

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Spitfire, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    I've followed that system for a long time where I don't turn down any invitation by a woman to dance. Then I started getting held for multiple dances in a row (or get asked every other dance) by the same women. It's probably selfish of me for only wanting to dance multiple dances with women that I like, but these women had a tendency to be overly enthusiastic and unbalanced in their movements, causing my arm to become quite sore. Now I limit the invites by the same person to wait several dances. So they spread themselves around more to other leaders.
  2. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    I kinda stopped doing it lately. I either ask the guys I already know, or more often just wait to be asked and socialize with others at the party. When someone does ask me, it's usually one of the guys I already know anyway, mostly the ones who used to come to the advanced class when we had that. I certainly have experienced what one of the earlier posts described - that less experienced leaders are intimidated by a more experienced follower who is known to compete pro-am, and so won't ask her or sometimes decline with reason given, "you're too good for me to dance with", or something along these lines. But at this point I feel that it's no great loss for me if I socialize more than I dance.
  3. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    I have to admit, that when I first started swing dancing LONG time ago, I was guilty of doing that as a follow. I wouldn't hold him for multiple dances, but it wouldn't be too long before I'd ask him for another. After a while, I "got it" and now try to only do one dance at a time (unless the guy asks if he can have another). I wait a good half-hour to hour at least before I ask for another. However, I keep an eye on how busy he is too. If it's one of the Pros, I'll usually only ask for one dance during the night unless it's literally hours later... Unless it's one of my close dance guy friends, then it's free game between us ;)
  4. RenOrsino

    RenOrsino Member

    I understand that completely. Were I a follow and had to deal with those situations I would consider saying no. As a lead I still watch out for those situations with other leads and new follows and/or follows I'm friends with. There have been countless times when I've saved a friend from dancing with a creepy guy who was dance stalking her or made an effort to dance with a new dancer who was literally ripped off her feet by a guy's lead so they wouldn't be turned off by the experience. I think it's equally a lead's role to watch out for follows on and off the dance floor.
  5. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    Yay, indeed!! :kitty: Now if only more of them did that...
  6. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    I agree. I know of all the leads who stalks beginners and I keep an eye on them. There's been instances where the woman have the "Rescue Me" look on her face, but is too polite to turn down the another invitation by the same guy.
  7. Silveralsa

    Silveralsa New Member

    Good for you guys! Gentlemen indeed!
  8. HopefulNaiive

    HopefulNaiive Member

    Women asking men to dance

    My personal experience is that many men react oddly when asked by a strange women to dance, it works well only if they know each other well already or are friends. Don't know why, maybe it's just me and I'm a terrible follower/dancer, but those men whom I ever asked, tend to hide from me at socials and never ask back. However, it's never a problem if a guy asks me first. Have you experienced anything like that?
  9. leftthebuilding

    leftthebuilding New Member

    Where do you live? We have "women hours" when women are "allowed" to grab a man to dance... Well, is no matter anyway, but shy ones are happy, lol
  10. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I think men, just like women, are a bit wary of the unknown
  12. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I suppose it depends on where you live. Around here, women always seem to outnumber men significantly, so it is not unusual for women to ask men to dance, to my DW's chagrin.

    Particularly if men who have asked you ask you again, I'd say it's something cultural in your area.
  13. megeliz

    megeliz Member

    I've been asking guys to dance since the day I started. I started off in Boston, at the Saturday night dances, and well, with a few notable exceptions, we are not particularly known for reaching out to new dancers (esp. on Saturday nights). I have women tell me how brave I am that I'll ask guys to dance without hesitation, but the reality is, if I hadn't asked guys to dance from the beginning, I wouldn't be dancing, because I never would have been asked!
  14. Warren J. Dew

    Warren J. Dew Well-Known Member

    It's traditional for men to do the asking, so sometimes when they are asked instead, they don't know how to react.
  15. Phil Owl

    Phil Owl Well-Known Member

    I rather enjoy it myself! Granted I am a frequent asker, but having a woman seek me out and grab me for a dance more times than not is a great compliment to me.
  16. HopefulNaiive

    HopefulNaiive Member

    That has been my philosophy as well!
  17. mikeAKAjoe

    mikeAKAjoe New Member

    I often encourage girls I know when out social dancing to go ask guys to dance. Reason being both guys and girls are sitting around not dancing because they are worried about what the other might think or do or whatever. It is a lose-lose situation.
  18. v22TTC

    v22TTC New Member

    Maybe the guys' skill levels might be an issue too? I know, for me, that I rarely give a woman a good dance until I've mentally/emotionally prepared myself first, and the music's totally on my side... as it stands now, being asked to dance gives me the total horrors....:(

    However, freed from the humongous burden and responsibility of leading, I can happily dance at the drop of a hat - any women in the milonga with some leading experience can always grab me as a follower (and I'm a very good one...), whenever they feel like it, for the craic!:) Not too many takers though....
  19. Dots

    Dots Active Member

    I remember that when I first started, I did not really know what I was doing, so I was terrified when someone obviously more experienced than me asked for a dance. It’s hard to feel comfortable when you only know one or two moves per dance.

    Now that I’m more experienced, however, I’m always pleased when a woman asks me to dance with a pleasing smile, no matter her skill level.​
  20. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I do turn down on rare occasions when I feel that someone is trying to monopolize me and I don't want it.

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