General Dance Discussion > Women asking men to dance.

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Spitfire, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Perhaps a woman with a man is an indication that she's interesting to at least one man. A woman by herself indicates that she is not interesting to other men. Men are competitive creatures.
  2. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    Joe, by saying that men are "competitive creatures" are you saying that women are not "competitive creatures?" :confused:
  3. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    I'd say we have a tendency to want what others have or envy them. We may or may not respond to that by becoming competitive.

    I noticed I didn't get any attention when I went out alone again and dressed very comfortably without any makeup. I guess they could tell I wasn't interested in meeting anyone.
  4. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Men are generally socialized to compete. Women are generally socialized to cooperate.
  5. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    When you were out on the date were you also dressed comfortably and without any makeup? If on the date you were dressed up and with makeup perhaps men are reacting to the fact that you are more put together - look nicer. Perhaps that is part of it, and why some men react to women when they are on dates, that they are more put together.
  6. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    This is quite true. Whether it's socialization or innate, look how fast women who aren't fuzzy-wuzzy touchy-feely types are labeled "aggressive" where a male in the same situation would be called "assertive." Especially by other women.

    (No prizes for guessing how I know THAT.)
    pygmalion likes this.
  7. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    I was tempted to say, "You had me at 'Next'". ;)
  8. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

    There are men who prefer to ask women who are sitting with a male friend/companion/SO. And there are men who *never* ask such women (often because they feel it would be interruptive), instead asking women who are sitting by themselves. :)
  9. RenOrsino

    RenOrsino Member

    I like being asked to dance.

    On the very rare occasion I do say no, it's always with a promise to find her later. One I always follow through with, if sometimes to the follow's surprise.

    In a lot of situations I've seen it's the difference between a good follow and a mediocre one who have been dancing for the same length of time; the good follow is willing to put herself out there.

    Keep asking, ladies!
  10. rbazsz

    rbazsz New Member

    I disagree. Women are in competition for different things and their methods differ from men. Females are more mental while men are more physical. Just watch women compete for the attention of a male teaching pro to dance with and you will see what I mean!
  11. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I could be off here but my generalizaton goes thus: If you are a woman and aren't finding yourself doing even a little bit of asking now and then, then you haven't hit a stage yet in your dancing where you skill is grown enough that few men match or exceed your abilties - such partners are the ones you'll often seek when you are looking for a high quality dance. And if you are a man who isn't yet being asked by a bunch of women at least some of the times, you are not yet a rare commodity in the scene and there is much travelling left to do in your dance journey before you'll be that skilled - and that much sought after.
  12. batman

    batman New Member

    Another thing to consider as well is that this is America. In America, people have many freedoms. One of those freedoms in America is that women have exactly as much a right to ask men to dance with them as men have to ask women to dance.

    Additionally, there are a lot of men that can be very shy around women in party places such as a nightclub, and they very often need a "jump-start" to lose their fears and begin dancing with the women.
  13. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    Holy ballroom batman, I think you're right.

    Think that women are less likely to ask men for a dance in a nightclub; didn't happen very much with me. The ballroom atmosphere does have a way of diminishing those fears for both men and women.
  14. Siggav

    Siggav Active Member

    Also if you are a woman and ask someone to dance in a nightclub most of the time it will be assumed you're interested in them in a hook up or dating way. In pure dance spaces like ballroom or swing socials that's not the case so it's a lot less fraught and much easier for women to do the asking
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I can tell you that, as a married woman, other than in a ballroom studio, I would never ask a man to dance avoid confusion of purpose
  16. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    Had an interesting experience along these lines once... A couple of years ago, there was a local club that put in a dance floor and had put out the word that they welcomed dancers. So one Saturday evening a group of us from the studio decided to go check it out. We arrived there and hardly anyone was dancing, so we got out on the floor and started doing our usual thing, swapping up partners from song to song.

    And a funny thing happened... After a while, a woman that wasn't in our group came up to me and asked for a dance. I said sure, and we danced something -- don't really remember what it was, maybe rumba, but I showed her a basic and we did it. Afterwards, I was walking back to her table and she asked me if I would dance with her two friends that she was with. So I did. Then other women in the place came up to our group and started asking the guys for dances. The women in our group who were instructors got some of the guys up and got them going. By the time we left, I think nearly everyone in the joint had had at least one dance with someone in our group.

    Afterwards, I thought "what the heck just happened?" And it occurred to me: we broke through the club dance barrier. Once people saw that we were swapping partners among our group, they got the idea that we thought it was OK to just dance with people, without anything else being implied. Around here, there is very much a presumption (outside of the ballroom and Latin community) that if you dance with someone, you have a thing going on with them. For one evening at least, we tore that down.
  17. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    well done cornutt, our ballroom group does that in salsa clubs as well it takes a little more work but lets peeps discover new partners to dance with
  18. dncergrl

    dncergrl Active Member

    I think people who love to dance, find each other, even if they don't speak the same language. I have had lots of fun in Europe dancing with people whose language I didn't speak. Village dances in small places seem a lot more common than in the US. And everyone asks everyone else to dance: young, old, pretty, plain, married or single. The only ones looking to be on the prowl are the teenagers. A very different atmosphere than a US nightclub.
  19. tancos

    tancos Active Member

    Great points dncergrl. I'm currently in Budapest dancing my brains out (folk dancing). There are lots of non-verbal ways to ask someone to dance, like standing right in front of them and smiling when the music starts...
    chomsky likes this.
  20. leee

    leee Well-Known Member

    To the lady who asked me for a dance my first night at a new social venue: thanks! Made me feel welcome, with an extra dose of appreciation especially coming from someone who appears to be a regular, and put the cherry on top of an already fun night. Wish I could've stayed longer!
    ocean-daughter, chomsky and cornutt like this.

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