Women asking men to dance.

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Spitfire, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    :nope: :nope: Not at all. If you look towards the beginning of this thread (top of page 2 to be exact ) :wink: , I said that I ask. I just don't care to ask guys who EXPECT/are waiting to be asked :twisted: :lol:

    But, seeing as I am such a helpful person, I have quoted the relevant part of the post for you, right here :wink:

     
  2. Sakura

    Sakura New Member

    So, Princes waiting for their Princesses to go live happily ever after are out? :twisted: :wink:

    Sakura Kitty :kitty:
     
  3. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    :lol: Sakura
     
  4. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    :) Princes are never to be left out! As long as they dance Salsa, that is... :)
     
  5. Swing Kitten

    Swing Kitten New Member

    :lol: wow... you really don't know me!! hahaa This is anything but the case with me... look at the first page of this thread and what I had to say about it then

    exactly.... I have been a very assertive asker for over a year ... but I'm finding some (dare I say most?) guys never return the invitation--
    which leads me to question how much they like dancing with me ... I don't want to bother them... I don't want to become a topic on someone else's message board ;) so.... I'm backing off

    This is far from a Black List... if they were to ask me I wouldn't hesitate saying yes. I'm just taking a look around and re-assessing my behavior
     
  6. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Note to self..get back on the swing scene so you can ask SK!
     
  7. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    There's a lot of inconsiderate and/or immature behaviour at social dances, both in terms of social interaction and in terms of technical issues in the actual dancing itself (grip of death, unpartnerable actions, failure to lead, failure to wait for a lead).

    Unfortunately, a lot of the social protocol makes it nearly impossible for people with these issues to get really unambiguous feedback about them. It's impolite to tell someone why you don't want to dance with them or maybe even that their actions are bothering you - wheras the polite alternative sometimes seems to be to pretend that you want to dance with them but find some excuse why you can't.

    I wonder if it isn't generally true that some of the best social dancing occurs between people who interact outside of just dance socials. People who take lessons together, see each other at practices, attend the same competitions, interact socially in other settings, whatever - it seems like the more common experience two people have, the more they are able to pair up for good dancing when appropriate, and not bother each other when innapropriate.

    But in truth, even with friends you are sometimes left wondering if they are distracted, purposefully turning a cold shoulder, or what...
     
  8. Katarzyna

    Katarzyna Well-Known Member


    I think you might be right. People are more likely to enjoy dancing with people they know and can communicate with. Just not sure it that include partners as well? For the most part, its difficult to enjoy social dancing with your partner especially when they treat it like practice.... Sometimes it's just more enjoyable to ask a total stranger for a dance...
     
  9. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    Fortunately, I've only had one partner with this habit.
     
  10. Katarzyna

    Katarzyna Well-Known Member

    You can consider yourself lucky...
     
  11. MapleLeaf Salsero

    MapleLeaf Salsero New Member

    Well actually SK I wasn´t referring to you personally, I just hear this complaint a lot from girls. When I look around to see where they are, I usually find them either miles away from the dance floor or sitting down behind several tables looking miserable. My suggestion is pick out a guy and go for it. What´s the problem? We´re in the 21th century and in a "dance atmosphere". Everyone´s there to dance.

    I had read your posts and noticed that you ask guys. Good for you!

    Well most guys do, but there are certain situations where that doesn´t happen.

    Yeah, I know what you meant, I was just kidding. :wink:
     
  12. DancePoet

    DancePoet New Member

    Chris Stratton wrote:

    "I wonder if it isn't generally true that some of the best social dancing occurs between people who interact outside of just dance socials. People who take lessons together, see each other at practices, attend the same competitions, interact socially in other settings, whatever - it seems like the more common experience two people have, the more they are able to pair up for good dancing when appropriate, and not bother each other when innapropriate."

    I suspect this has alot of merit!

    I definitely have had some of my best dancing with the folks I have partnered with in competition, and those who have competition experience. There just seems to be a better feel technically and artistically. Next in line after competitors, I have had some great dancing from people I interact with through the classes I take. Also, the more I dance with someone outside these two realms, the nicer the dancing becomes as well.

    I feel this is true about most relationships in life. The more similarities you have with another person the easier it is to relate to them.
     
  13. Sakura

    Sakura New Member

    :lol: :lol: :lol: Hey, we can't forget those Waltzing skills though! (Go Viennese Waltz!!! =^__^=)

    Sakura Kitty :kitty:
     
  14. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    I may be a minority here, but I must say this is not necessarily true for me.

    Sure, I've had some wonderful dances with close friends and classmates, but on the other hand, with many of the leaders I count as my favourites, I have no contact outside social dancing. In fact, some of my most memorable dances have been with complete strangers. I can see that personal connection you have already established with a person probably helps when it comes to dancing, but dance connection can exist in the absence of any common experience, and when you find it, it's all the more exciting because of it. You think "WOW, what's happening!?" :!: :shock: as you dance, you can clearly see that your partner is also feeling the same, and you ask for another dance just to see if it will happen again... and it does! That's the magic of social dancing that got me hooked, and that's why I keep asking new people for a dance -- 'cause you don't what you may be missing by sticking to the people you know...

    So... what I've descrived is a dance equivalent of "love at first sight"? :lol:
     
  15. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    I too am a very assertive asker (or "salsa stalker" (c)Salsachinita :wink:), and I have the same problem with some of the leaders in my scene. There are guys whom I ask regularly because I like dancing with them but who never ask me. Many of them seem to enjoy dancing with me nonetheless, so I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they wait for me to ask simply because they like getting asked by women. There are though a couple of guys I suspect don't like dancing with me but too polite to tell me, so I'm staying away from them now. (Mind you, this self-restraint may not last long... there's a shortage of good leaders around here.)

    What do you guys think?
     
  16. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member

    Well, I for one am in the cas you describe here : there are some women that I hardly ever invite to dance.

    But it is not that I dislike dancing with them : though they are not in my "top five dancer" I do genuinely enjoy dancing with them.

    It simply turns out that when the evening begins, I dance with someone else. And as the night unfolds, I happen to be closer to some dancer I wanted to invite then I am to them when a song begins. Or that they are dancing when I want to invite them. Or that I had promised that particular song ton someone. Or that I just hapened on one of my favourit dancer and am therefore going for a few (say 5 to 10, depending on the evening ;) ) dances straight with that partner...

    And another good reason is that many people leave around half pas midnight to catch the last metro, whereas I know for a fact that those women have a car and will be staying 'till the club closes, so we can dance later in the evening.


    Hence, they almost allways invite me. Not that I don't want to, it's just that they invite me before I get a chance to invite them.
     
  17. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    OK, I feel better now :).
     
  18. Danish Guy

    Danish Guy New Member

    Well, you could be right on evaluating both types :mrgreen:
     
  19. Danish Guy

    Danish Guy New Member

    This happens a lot for me too. I don’t want to sit and wait, so I dance with someone else, and then the situation repeats itself. :shock:
     
  20. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    for all those positing about why invitations to dance aren't reciprocated, right after the next time you dance with some of these people ask them for feedback:

    "if you don't mind my asking, can you tell me one thing i could do that would make me more fun to dance with?"

    i had a lot of women tell me that they wished i made more eye contact.
     

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