General Dance Discussion > Women asking men to dance.

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Spitfire, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. motardmom

    motardmom New Member

    Lately I don't ask men to dance because I never seem to be sitting down long enough to do so. But I totally would given the proper climate. Years ago I was in a follow-heavy scene and I did do a lot of asking back then. I agree, it guarantees you'll get to dance with who you want for what song, etc. Back then I had a reasonably large circle of friends who all met and we'd dance with each other, and we'd dance with strangers and we'd dance with ourselves.... :lol: It was good fun. I remember that I used to always scope out who seemed to be able to keep time when dancing (not necessarily had lots of moves, but they had to be able to stay on the beat) and not so overly involved in picking up chicks, and then if I found myself sitting out when I didn't want to be, I'd go find somebody I'd mentally tagged for a potential dance partner.
  2. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    Depending on my mood, I will either ask a lot of guys to dance, or "one or two". Like you, I ask because I want to dance and hate to see good music wasted :lol:

    Before I ask a guy to dance though, I will often observe him first to see if he is possibly alone or with a significant other and then tailor my approach.

    If it is a venue with a lot of non dancers/drinkers, like you, I would also have to see the guy dance. Even if he is all legs and thumbs, I want to see what I am letting myself in for, so that I can manage my expectations :lol: In addition, I don't want the guy to think that I am coming on to him when all I want is a dance! :? :lol:
  3. ShyDancer

    ShyDancer New Member

    I do ask guys to dance. Not very often though as I usually have an offer before Im even off the floor lately :lol:
    The follows only slightly outweigh the leads and as I know most of the people in my scene its not often that Im sitting out a dance because I dont have a partner .

    Usually I just ask "would you like to dance this?" or if i know them well enough its "come and dance with me!" :lol: Never had anyone refuse me yet :D
  4. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Once in a while someone will ask me. Also after having asked them sometimes they will ask me to ask them again. So usually when I am asked they already know me or have danced with me. Mostly I am the one doing the asking though. Sometimes someone will do the thing where they stand next to me or sit near me or intimate in some other way they would like a dance. This is usually when I don't know them.
  5. rails

    rails New Member

    Re: Women asking men to dance

    Well, as you may recall, I'm in a lead-heavy place. I get asked maybe once a night in Lindy Hop and maybe once a week in Salsa. Of course, most of the time I know the women, but in the Lindy scene I get asked by strangers every now and then (maybe once a week). In Salsa it hardly ever happens. Women just don't do a lot of asking around here.

    One day I'll have to visit one of these allegedly "follow-heavy" scenes and see for myself what that's like. I have to admit, I'm not sure that such a thing exists. :wink:
  6. Tasek

    Tasek New Member

    Would have to keep a real tally a few times to be sure, but i'd estimate I do about 75-80% of the asking, when i'm asked the vast majority is by girls I know/have danced with before, very rarely do I get asked by a complete stranger, can remember maybe 3-4 occiasions that has happend over the last few years.

    Ofcourse this is direct asking, there is also 'indirect asking', e.g. last friday, came back to my drink after a few dances, a nearby girl got off her barstool, give me a quick look and started moving to the music in my field of view, 'indirect asking' (as far as you can tell for sure ofcourse) does happen from time to time and could skew the figures somewhat.
  7. danceguy

    danceguy New Member

    Re: Women asking men to dance

    Hear hear! :shock: :D

    One of the main reasons I've taken a break from dancing is that my progress as a lead has been seriously hampered by the gender imbalances in the areas I go dancing. For Salsa, I get asked to dance once in a blue moon, but it does happen on occasion. For Ballroom, I get asked a lot (I was asked about 6 times this past Friday), and at those venues the gender ratio is pretty even.

    I recall one night where we had a few extra ladies at our local Salsa venue...and I danced for almost 2 hours straight...then another hour after a short break. I had the time of my life...what a concept...women available to dance with!?!?!!!?! :shock: :oops: :headwall: :oops: :lol:

    I love to dance...and I hate sitting down! A follow-heavy that really possible? A guy can dream can't he? :eyebrow: :roll: :shock: :wink:

  8. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    Re: Women asking men to dance

    Can anyone say "recruit" :twisted: :wink:
  9. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    Re: Women asking men to dance

    Well, considering I never imagined such a thing as a "lead-heavy scene" could possibly exist... :wink:

    We should definitely have a swap.
  10. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member


    From the top of my head, I'd say fifty-fifty.

    Half the time I do the asking, half the time I am asked.

    The only thing is that I tend to ask the more advance follow a lot more than the less advance. Not that I dislike dancing with the second, but the first are a lot more popular, and if you want a dance, well, you usualy have to ask for they can hardly sit down from all the people asking. So I will ask them, and I am usually intercepted and asked by other follows before I get a chance to invite them later on.
  11. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    This whole gender imbalance issue can, and does get annoying......

    I also live in a follow-heavy scene. You guys should definitely come visit. See this thread

    *The plan* anyone :wink: ?!
  12. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    how about women asking women.. hmm.. mm....mmm

  13. tj

    tj New Member

  14. sunderi

    sunderi New Member

    Re: Women asking men to dance

    I would say I do the asking for about 75% of my social dancing. Keep in mind that most of my "social" dancing happens at studio practice parties, not out at clubs. (Out at clubs I most often dance with my husband, and he probably asks me slightly more than I ask him, but that's a different situation than the one you're asking about.)

    I will ask brand new people who look like they could use a friendly face and an invitation. :) Mostly, though, I ask the guys I know and like to dance with. Of the 50+ people that usually show up at our practice parties, there are exactly 12 that I particularly enjoy dancing with. I do my best to dance with all 12 in the course of the evening, and in order to do that, I often have to ask.

    I like asking. It gives me more control over who I dance with, and particularly, who I dance with for each song. There's one guy that I love to cha cha with, for example, and another who is great at WCS. There are others I'd just like to get a dance with, so I'm happy to dance with them to whatever is on. It helps prevent me from sitting out to those songs I really like. :-D

    I also am in a "follow heavy" situation, so asking prevents sitting out in general.

    Of these 12 guys, only one of them is typically there with his wife. I will hesitate to ask him if they are talking, or if it looks like he's going to dance with her. Otherwise, I don't hesitate at all, unless they're on their way out to the floor with someone else. ;)
  15. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    ::: foot tapping, arms crossed ::: keep this up you two! YOU will be having to do the asking to dance ALL the time at this rate :p
  16. tj

    tj New Member

    Well, I'll ask Sabor if he refuses to ask me!

  17. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    There are a few guys whom I know don't mind dancing with me, so hey why not?

    I was thinking about this the other days. I have tried all sorts of footwear and so now it is time for me to work my way upwards.
  18. tj

    tj New Member

    Lol - you're gonna get in trouble like Sabor and myself, you know!

    Actually, there was this one time that 2 of my friends and I were sharing a dance with this one Follow, when 2 other Follows came up to us and "interrupted" our dance. Rather funny, I think.


    (...makes a mental note...) Lol - I guess I need to venture out of my "safe" salsa club world...
  19. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I see two follows dancing and then me and someone else go break them up.

    I was thinking of different bottoms and tops. I thought that a kilt would work well to start out with as I already have dance in shorts and long pants and jeans.

    As for dancing as a follower after a warm up dance, when I have reprogrammed myself, I'm an okay beginner follower.
  20. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    :D Someone mentioned kilt!? :lol: :lol:
    So when do we get to see a picture of you in a kilt?

    Warning: don't wear your high heels :shock: with the kilt. They just don't go together. :wink: :lol:

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