Dancers Anonymous > yesterday's activities

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by fascination, May 10, 2009.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I wish I had time to write a long, chatty post. Can't. I have to go rush around like a chicken with its head cut off. A couple quick notes, though.

    I can relate to the frustration with Mom-nipulation. Can't say I never use it, though. ;)

    I can also relate to the constant, constant rush caused by other people's inflexibility. Yesterday is a case in point for me. Despite the fact that I chose where to live based on the fact that DS is eligible to take the bus but could, in a pinch, walk home if he had to, he refuses to walk or take the dang bus. ("Mom, the kids on the bus can't be trusted." "Mom! I can't walk that far with my heavy back pack!") I understand his rationale (mostly) so I pick him up from school every day after work. This works out fine most days, even though EVERY DAY I have to leave work on the dot of 4:45 and don't have the flexibility to even stop for a quart of milk, before picking him up, because DS could get reprimanded for being on school grounds after the cut off time.

    But yesterday, no. Things didn't work out. Yesterday, a coworker asked me (at the last minute) to fill in for her and do training from 2:00 - 4:30. No idea what she was doing. I just know that it was her or me and she "couldn't" do it so I "couldn't" say no. (Don't even get me started on the fact that I do not do training unprepared. I just don't do it.) From 12:00 - 2:00 I dropped everything I had planned for the day to throw together training materials. Grrr. Then training. At 4:30, when training ended, my clueless manager insisted that I complete my employee evaluation write-up. Never mind that it was already a day late, that I had given him my password so he had access to the electronic document, and that by complete, he meant change the writing style from mine to his. So at 4:30 (when I'm supposed to leave at 4:45) I'm changing "in addition to other responsibilities" to "along with other responsibilities." I kid you not. I'm fairly sure I did a crappy job and couldn't possibly care less. Out of the door at 4:55. A miracle.

    Into rush hour traffic which gets exponentially worse every minute past 4:45, which is why I leave at 4:45.

    Meanwhile I'm sweating bullets that DS is going to get written up or, worse, think I forgot to pick him up. (This is still traumatic, even when you're fifteen.) And DS picked yesterday to forget his phone, so I couldn't call him. When I got to the school, DS was fine, btw.

    Okay. So bottom line, my day would have been fine and dandy if not for the poor planning and/or inflexibility of others. But, at the end of the day, I am the only one who ended up stressed to the max.

    Sadly, this is a pretty typical scenario for me.
  2. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    How far would the walk be for DS, P?

    I'm thinking a text along the lines of "sorry luv, you're gonna hafta hoof it today..." would be appropriate on such days. There are worse things... :)
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Would have if I could have. I called him several times, but he didn't have his phone.
    samina likes this.
  4. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    In DS's defense, I will add that I'm fairly sure the bus is not entirely safe. There have been incidents of bullying and a few thefts -- not often, but often enough for me to hear about it. And his backpack weighs in the neighborhood of thirty pounds, by my estimate, not counting his camera and lunchbox which he carries separately. And it's about a 2.5 mile walk, which is a long walk with that much dead weight on your back.

    ETA: And oh yeah, he'd have to cross a 14-lane highway**, which is why he's eligible for the bus. There are crosswalks in an underpass, but the school district doesn't want to be liable for having kids crossing a super highway.

    But he could've walked it yesterday.

    ** three lanes of frontage road in each direction plus four lanes of highway in each direction. It's a big old highway.
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    And btw, when I called DS, I wasn't actually going to ask him to walk home. I don't like the idea of his crossing that highway, either. But he could easily have gone to Sonic or Subway or Taco Bell, which are on the school side of the highway, and had a snack while he waited for me.

    (Aside: Since he started high school, I've always made sure DS had some cash in his pocket. Refer to Being a Man Rule #1: Always be prepared to cover the check, whether you have to or not. This is especially important if girls are involved. Now that DS has a DATE, BAMR#1 may well start to kick in. Did I mention that DS has a date?)

    End of the day. DS has to remember his phone.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I empathize P...while I was not a single mom, when one is the wife of an attorney who works out of state and travels alot, one is mostly a single mom....and I lived that hell...which no one seems to really appreciate was hell, not just me being over dramatic, because there is a cumulative effect....I am quite confident in fact, that the reason I am currently sick stems from a similar know it's bad when you almost begin to be glad that you are so sick that you have no choice but to go to bed...and, as regards buses; my daughter almost developed an eating disorder from the bullying on the bus....if your kid doesn't want to be on the bus...good for you for not making him......and yea, no one but me has their phone with them or on when I need to reach them....
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    Yeah. It can actually be worse when you're a married but de facto single Mom, because people have no idea of what you're going through, and therefore give you no leeway and no sympathy. I lived through that scenario, too.

    My current scenario is challenging, but at least I don't have to put up with the ex's two weeks at-a-time worth of overseas-trip-generated dirty socks, anymore. Whether you're the designated laundry-doer or not, two weeks worth of dirty socks have a powerful presence, and that's no lie. lol.
  8. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    Good thinking. That would've been a good workaround...if he'd had his phone. :)
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    We talked about it today. The plan is, if I'm not there at 5:00, he'll head to subway and buy a $5 footlong (one of the low fat varieties) for dinner, thereby killing three birds with one stone. He'll be safely off school property. I'll know he's safe. And nobody will have to cook. Perfect.
  10. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Today: up early and ambitious, planning to catch up on a ton of stuff around the house plus put together a Powerpoint presentation. Do nothing, but accomplish plenty ... of napping. I really needed that. Powerpoint can wait until tomorrow. :)
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Two other noteworthy things happened during the AFH.*

    When my training class was winding up, one of the ladies (the one who is actually from France) insisted on helping me carry my stuff back from the conference center to the office. I refused gently a couple of times, but she kept insisting. Finally, I just said, "No, thanks," pretty firmly. Her reply? "P. You are acting like a single. You will always be single if you don't learn to accept help." Wow. Actually, it wasn't that I didn't want help, per se. It was that I was in one heck of a hurry and didn't have time for leisurely conversation and a stroll back to the office area, making small talk with a stranger. Not during the AFH. I was in hyper-speed mode. But wow. She blew my mind to tiny little bits. One. I think that's a pretty presumptuous thing to say to someone you don't know. And two. I spent the rest of the afternoon alternately thinking about whether she might be right and feeling defensive e.g. I can't accept help if nobody offers. Besides, when I ask for help, sometimes, people I trust let me down. It's easier to just do it myself. You know. The usual self-pity BS.

    This chick may or may not have insight. That remains to be seen. But Lord knows she hit a sore spot. *sigh*

    Other interesting thing. I went to Target (Yes. I realize that's no surprise.) What I found interesting was the cashier who decided to make conversation with me about the feminine hygiene products I was buying. Huh? Seriously?!? Feminine hygiene products, in my world, are things that you scan quietly and pretend don't exist. This chick kept talking about them -- nice promotional packaging, what a bargain they were. You name it. Just curious to see. Has the protocol around these things changed? Or more accurately, what is your protocol around these things? I realize that I may come from a strange place on this issue. My mother's entire sex education to me? "Don't use tampons. They'll ruin you."** This was when, at 12, I used my allowance to buy myself some tampons, not realizing that there is a difference between tampons and pads. All I knew was that my older sisters used tampons. So I went and bought some. Imagine my surprise when I got home and had to figure out how to use the things. IIRC, I bought super or super plus. In retrospect, what a hoot. Not so funny then, though. lol. Thank goodness I'm old enough that I got through middle school health ed before a certain activist group banned the scourge that is sex education from many public schools, including my high school. Had I been a few years younger, I might still be trying to figure out what to do with those tampons. lol. But that is another story.

    Anyway. Long story short. Does anybody besides me find it exceedingly strange for a cashier to strike up a casual conversation about FHP?

    *Afternoon From Hades.
    ** A comment that was equal parts shaming, judgmental, and just plain wrong. Gotta love Mom. She's old, old school.
  12. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Sorry to have been AWOL for so long, butfor the past 2 weeks, things basically go like this:

    Rest and heal
    Run around and do stuff, including shopping, baking, family drama, and a couple of lessons
    Collapse; need to rest and heal more to compensate for running around and doing stuff
    OK, I get it: 1)recuperation is not done according to my schedule; 2)just b/c I want to run around and do stuff does not mean that I *can* run around and do stuff; 3)I am not 25 any more, nor 35, nor 45, and let's just draw a curtain over this scenario, shall we?
  13. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    @Pygmalion--It's funny you should bring up this topic, because one of my Women's Studies students, class of 2011, wrote her senior essay on the topic of the secrecy and shame surrounding menstruation and menstrual products and how it would be far healthier if we could be more matter of fact about a bodily cycle that happens to half the human population for some portion of their lives. She talked about sex ed in the schools (and the practice of sometimes dividing the boys from the girls when it comes time to talk about menstruation), about print and eventually television advertisements for menstrual products through the years, etc.--some of which make it hard to even understand what the product IS, so secret and unspeakable is the problem. There are now a couple television ads that satirize the old school ads, where the sign of having your period seems to be wanting to dance in an all white dress on the beach. (That is totally the first thing I want to do when I get my period! Not.) You can find links to them on YouTube. Here's one:

    P.S. If we had "Most Likely To" awards on this thread, like they do in high school yearbooks, I recognize that I would probably get "Most likely to know someone who has done research on an arcane topic." But I gotta be me.
  14. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Pyg--I think you and I got the same talk from our mothers. Although my mom did give me a book. But female issues ARE.NOT talked about. Ever. End of story. They don't exist. Period. (No pun intended.).

    I can, and do, talk about stuff with girl friends sometime. But my mom? Absolutely not. A clerk in a store? Oh hell no. DH? Over my dead body.

    I hope there are no female-related medical issues in my family, because I will never hear about any of it.
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    yesterday...wake up so sick I am in tears, teach a fitness class which does help with the breathing issue..."heavenly" bed arrives...and it is a thing of magnificence....truly huge and glorious (the beds you find in Westin hotels)...spend rest of day and night til now in it
  16. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Go to the doctor!!!
    pygmalion likes this.
  17. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    female issues;..had two periods before I could even tell my mom.....never discussed it beyond "I would like X variety of supplies"...WRT birds and bees; had a pamphlet slid over to me across the table when, at I was 10 and she became pregnant with my brother....

    conversely, nothing is off the table for discussion at my home
    pygmalion likes this.
  18. Purr

    Purr Well-Known Member

    Don't wait, get to the doctor like now!
  19. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    regarding the single comment....while was rude...first, it pre-supposes that being single is being flawed or isn't a preferred status...secondly, declarations like that should probably never happen, but if they do, they should be from people who know you well enough to feel entitled to challenge you for your own good...and even then, I think observations like that ought to come in the form of a gentle question
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    guys, I will go if it doesn't get better...but I do think actually spending a day in bed might be the least that I can do before going to the me, if I am unable to breathe like that again, I will go fact, I will likely go directly to the hospital...and if the breathing issue stays like this but I am just unable to improve, I will go to the the doctor

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