yesterday's activities

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by fascination, May 10, 2009.

  1. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    Wind blows. And blows. And blows. Had to move a tree limb out of the driveway before I could leave. When the wind blows here, we often have a tree fall across the road that goes down the mountain. Before I left, I considered whether I should chuck the chain saw into the trunk. But I figured that by that time of morning, if there was a tree, one of the neighborhood's early risers would have already found it and taken care of it.

    So I start down the mountain, and about halfway down, just around a curve from a part that drops steeply... there's a tree. Fortunately, it has not fallen all the way across both lanes. So I get in the opposite lane (double fortunately, it's at a point where I could have seen if someone was coming the other way) and squeeze by, with branches rubbing against the right side of the car.

    Wind is still blowing tonight. Tomorrow, the chain saw's going in the trunk before I leave.
  2. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    Wednesday:
    After dropping off Child at school, write in diary and deal with a couple home inspection-y kinds of things (related to basement project and front door project from this summer).

    Waxing appointment.

    5.75 miles on treadmill in 1 hr. Proud of myself that I am now able to jog 4 miles straight again, followed by intervals. I had gotten somewhat out of shape toward the end of the school year. I'm jogging at a moderate pace (6 mph, or a 10 min mile), which is a little slower than I used to do, but I thought I'd work on getting my endurance back up first.

    Pick up Child at school.

    Read to her while she works on holiday cards.

    Take her to dance, stopping to get gift cards for her various teachers on the way.
    7-8--Child's ballet.
    I read and watch a little.

    Read to her a bit in the bath. Put her to bed.
    Put myself to bed around 10:30.

    +++
    Thursday:
    8:30-11:30--Field trip with Child's school to see "A Christmas Carol" at local theater.
    -->I like the way Child's teacher lays down behavioral expectations for the children ahead of time. She points out that clapping is appropriate, but that cheering like you are at a ballgame is not, etc. Most kids probably know this, but reinforcement doesn't hurt. She even clarifies "This school has a good reputation in the community. Don't let the poor behavior of others be an excuse for your own."
    I drive Child and two of her BFFs.
    Play is low budget, and Child has recently been to the dress rehearsal for the much fancier production at McCarter Theater in Princeton, but they do a reasonable job with what they have. I cry during some of the Tiny Tim parts, because I am a sentimental fool.

    Lunch, change clothes, get back in car and go to Towson.

    Double Nik lesson. Very good ones, albeit not as mind-blowing as the week before.
    He is calling me on some things he has never called out before, like in this one place where I go to fan "How come you already have weight on that leg? I want a quick, sharp turn, a hip action, and only then can you place weight on that leg." "How come I'm seeing a bent knee on the back half of your sliding doors? Your leg probably does have to pass through a bent knee, but it should be so lightning fast I shouldn't see it."
    Jive he wants so much more use of the center, even on things which I don't think of as having anything to do with the center, like the first two steps of a west coast swing sugar push. Very interesting.
    We end by working on the new paso.

    Home in the rain. Not great driving conditions.
    Have the leftover egg salad for dinner.

    Decide to apply for Director of the First Year Seminar program. Last time this position came open (2011), I hemmed and hawed and consulted with people about whether to apply, and by the time I expressed an interest, it was too late--the position had been filled. The current director, however, decided to take a job in Michigan, so the position is open again. This time, I decided to go for it. This would give me either one course release or a bump in salary--my choice (in consultation with my dept).
    E-mailed letter of interest and cv to interim Dean of Faculty.

    After dinner, I insist on a family room rescue project. There is much grumbling by Child, which ticks me off. I am trying to plan an outing to go to "The Hobbit" for her and two of her BFFs. Is this what I really want to do? No. I would rather see "Skyfall," or seek out an art theater playing "Anna Karenina." I'm doing this for you, kid. Surely you can help clean up the house. She shapes up and does.

    Husband has been doing better all day and actually did a fair amount of work for his university, but now he is feeling worse again, and I can tell he is also feeling quite sorry for himself. I don't even know where to go with my feelings about that. He knows he's not supposed to overdo it. And he's reluctant to take the codeine-based medicine because it makes him fuzzy-headed, but it obviously helps a lot when he does take it.

    Write in diary. Bed.
  3. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    Complete, car rental for florida, hotel reservations since we are staying before and after cruise.
    Run to Kohl's - little kid shoe sale after DD calls....requesting....tons of text/photos go back and forth
    with me at the store and her in Texas - sick in bed. lol.
    Evil thought, great - get sick now so I don't get it next week.
    Glance at FB posts, all of our children - outdoing themselves - calling each other out - even as adults...it's actually getting pretty funny from our point of view.
    It's COLD!
    Delay walking until it warms up.
    Errands of this and that nature. -
    Trying to figure out, new cords, how long, what do I need - ARGGHHH - to complete den conversation and new equipment. I'm sooo not a tech person.
    Of course, later in the evening, AFTER I walk at 6 p.,m. - now I'm hungry...and of course, it's for
    El Pollo grilled chicken salad,,,what is with me lately? I love this salad - with salsa on it. Good Lord.
    Phone call from bio-father...yes, surprise we will drive out to Palm Desert EARLY xmas eve morning...
    three hours later, phone call from his wife (step mother for 42 years) - "Hi N>>>, just checking to see if
    your going to be in town we are coming into LA...etc etc.." uhhh? huh? did dad not tell you his plans?
    We catch up...apparently, even if they are in the same house, they don't know who is calling who - and who
    is planning what. Ok, they are in their 80's - I'll give them THAT. lol.
    I can only hope I'm as healthy and active as they are when I reach that stage of my life.
    So, uncross the not-so-crossed paths with stepmother....gel the plans for Xmas Eve Morning.
    Looking forward to it...begged off of Xmas midnight mass.
    Read up on new Culinary Courses offered by Fench Master Chef at our local adult school, hmm hmm
    I may HAVE to take a few courses and complete one dream of mine!
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    fwiw, my in-laws are exactly the same...if you want to make sure something actually happens you have to call both of them...I have known them since they were in their forties....it has always been that way...
  5. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    thurs...dtr takes my car to see her bf, garage door repairman fixes our door....I clean the kitchen, which is no small task....pretty much in a funk the rest of the day....but today seems to be looking up
  6. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Wednesday:

    Lesson, mixed
    Spend rest of day alternating between prepping guest space for brother and SIL, who arrive tomorrow, and baking. And baking. And baking.
  7. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Yesterday:

    Rolfer, swoon a rama
    Baking (this must stop; there's too much tasty edible around)
    More guest space prep
    Finish rearranging library; new curtains arrive and are hung; this creates controversy with father, who wants everything Just The Way It Used To Be only nicer, and that ain't happening; compromise reached
    Go to airport to pick up brother and SIL; brother manages to say something less than pleasant within seconds of arrival, and I snap, but things calm down
    Z; cat is less than thrilled to have other people in her space, but she's gonna have to get over it
  8. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    Friday (which confusingly felt like Saturday all day b/c Child didn't have school and I didn't have work):

    Did another family room rescue session. Put away some laundry. Probably did some other stuff too, but it was a pretty boring morning.

    12:30-4:30--Drove an hour-plus each way to a skating pro shop to get Child figure skates, which will be a Christmas gift. She is now starting Freeskate 1 and really needs a better quality skate than the rental skates you get to borrow as part of the Learn to Skate program. (In fact, from about Basic 5 up, most kids seem to have their own skates.) Amusingly, another girl arrives about a minute after us almost identical in size to Child who is in the exactly same situation: just finished Basic 8, starting Freeskate 1, getting her first pair of her own skates. So they get fitted together. (And no, they don't wind up with the same skate. Child's foot is narrower, the other girl's wider, so the pro shop guy makes different recs.)

    Getting fitted for skates is a more elaborate process than I realized, as they bake them to fit your partiular foot. I get custom insoles for my running shoes, and Husband says that with ski boots there is a similar baking thing, so it makes sense...just didn't know that was part of the deal.

    I also get her some cute skate warm ups.

    Dinner, talk with other mom about our potential plan to see "The Hobbit" this weekend, take a brief nap.

    Wake up. Play "Clue" for Family Fun Night. Husband wins.

    That night, finish reading Telegraph Avenue.

    (Drat. I just accidentally deleted a whole meaty and emotional paragraph from this and now just don't have the wherewithal to write it all again. Oh well. Serves me right for trying to multitask.)
  9. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    ohhh CCMM, and you thought Ballroom was expensive? Your only just starting with the Ice Skates.
    And yes, my ski boots are "fitted" to my feet and made for me. Warm wax and all,,,,,lovely....but
    I will be buying simple novice boots so I can click in and out easily due to teaching GS#2 snow skiing.
    Lessons for snow skiing queing up. Mountains look fabulous.
    Phone call from Step-Father goes like this...."You may be angry with me but I'm just going to just say this, Christmas is hard for me, your mother passed years ago and it's so empty without her during the holidays, and it's not about you and DH____ coming up on Saturday to see me - I understand about gridlock and such , it's about you leaving...when you walk out the door to go home I'm so sad and depressed I cannot handle it, it never bothered me until this last year, so can we just not have you come up Saturday and visit and when you get back from Texas we'll visit, I just gotta get through Christmas without any reminders".
    "This will be the very first time I'm truly alone at Christmas and I just cannot handle people coming and leaving".
    uhhhhhhhhhh, I remain prayfully silent during this one-sided conversation, somehow I knew this was coming.
    I agree with him, leave him alone, tell him I love him and we will talk after we get back from Texas.
    Inwarding, pray that I don't fall for this "I'm so alone on Christmas Day" routine again.
    What do they say? "You've made your bed, now lay in it?"
    Pray for Step Fathers Soul and Heart...that somehow he gets through the fog that surrounds him, and I know he will, he always does.
    Inform DH, we are not going to the high desert,,,,DH looks stunned but not surprised.
    Head to gym for a very long work-out.
    Head over to trainer - surprised him,,,huge hug...and the big question "are you back? can you? where've you been?"
    That was fun.
    Meet up for holiday lunch with DH sibilings, laughter, smiles, pictures shared, catch up on all the adult children and the little ones that are now part of our extended families.
    Discuss upcoming books and movies and trips between all of us.
    It was great to see everyone again.
    DD calls, "mom, I need the grocery list"...ok will send...are you picking this up before I get there?
    She say "nooooo, we, as in you and I will go to the store after you land"
    uhhhhh, then why am I sending this?
    Gotta laugh, at my adult kids, who can still drive the insanity questions into my brain structure.
  10. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    @ccm Sounds like your DH may be feeling a bit better. I hope so.

    @3W The situation with your StepDad is a tough one. I hope you work it out in a way that you're happy with. Life is tough sometimes, isn't it? *sigh*
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I suppose I should check in. It's been another week. Where do the days go?

    Overview time, with a few detours.

    DS gets his third report card of the year. DS has somehow managed to turn the 95 he had in art into a 78. TDNWMH, especially when I dig a little deeper and find out it's because he got a zero on the assignment that I reminded him at least twelve times to turn in. "But Mom, Mr. G didn't ask for it." "DS. If you know you have an assignment due, don't wait for the teacher to ask. Just turn it in or at least attempt to. If it's not needed, Mr. G will tell you." Wash, rinse, repeat. Have this conversation literally every single day for a week and a half. Every day, DS "forgets." So now his solid A is a C+ and quite frankly, I think it may be a good thing. If I run interference for him, he'll never learn.

    Me: More self-assessment. Details to unfold in the months to come, I'm sure, but, for now, I'll say I've decided to reboot with a healthy eating plan for the new year. That and at least an hour of walking during the work day (Right now, I tend to work through with almost no breaks or lunches, which is SOOO not good for me, mentally or physically.) I plan to add at least an hour of some sort of exercise at night -- probably a combination of weight lifting and ... wait for it ... dance. Strongly considering getting back into ballroom. As much as I love social dance and do it fairly often, social dance just doesn't speak to the goal-oriented side of me.

    Several at-home surprises leave me in fire-fighting mode pretty much every day. I get through every day, sure, but every day brings a new crisis. This is getting old.


    Decide to be a good sport and bid on Jude Morrigan's lime sugar cookies after the last minute and let me tell you something. That was the best $21 I have ever spent. The man is a master! I do not know how, but he managed to make cookies that are still fresh today when, by my calculation, he must've made them last Sunday or Monday at the latest. (I speculate that it has something to do with either the moisture level in the cookie dough or the cornmeal that was added for texture or maybe both, but I suppose I'll never know for sure.) They smell like heaven and taste even better. The man's got mad skills.

    Almost nobody is there even on Monday and the numbers dwindle through the week. Fine by me (I have to be there every day. Since I got sick early this year and took short term disability, I've been out of vacation days since ... June? I think.) So I'm there, regardless. *sigh* This is great. An opportunity to catch up on paperwork, write a couple marketing documents, design a new training module etc. Great. Except the department I work for has a tradition of bringing back our summer interns during their holiday break between college semesters. So, in between *trying to* catch up on paperwork, I get to field questions from the three of them. I really don't mind answering questions; they're sweet kids and there's nobody else around to answer questions. I just have the feeling that rumors of my holiday slow-down productivity may have been greatly exaggerated. *sigh*

    Really strange observation of a woman at work yesterday. Sometime mid-afternoon, the cafe management decided to give away the fifty or so small poinsettia plants that had been used to decorate the cafeteria tables. When the word got around, quite a few of us went to the cafe to get a plant. As I walked into the cafe, this woman was walking out with a large carton which she'd filled with seven or eight plants. One of my coworkers said to her, "Oh. It's really nice of you to get plants for the folks back at the office who can't get away from their desks right now." "Oh no. I got these plants for me." Seriously!! In an office building that houses maybe two thousand people, with fifty free plants up for grabs, something made this woman feel entitled to eight plants all for herself. I just shook my head. Some people are so ... different. But to each her own, I suppose.

    Dad's doing. Would say better if he was, but at least I'm grateful he's not doing any worse.

    Weekend plans: Hang out with DS. Try to get some rest. See a movie or two. Not much else.
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah and I begin to wonder if something has shifted in my relationship with the young protege I mentioned here before (or was it in the whining thread?) He's the one that I've included on projects, given visibility, etc, and who waited until we got to a meeting to complain about work I "should have" done, without ever saying anything to me person-to-person.

    When I started designing the new marketing materials this week, something in me would not let me go and bounce my ideas off him, which is the very first thing I'd have done a month ago. I started writing things up and then went and bounced ideas off somebody else, instead.

    Must think about this. Am I harboring resentment? Do I need to work on forgiveness? Or am I just wising up in terms of how much I should trust a protege who'd get to a meeting and throw me under the bus? Or both? Tis complicated. *sigh*
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah and I left out The Most Annoying Conversation Ever. With Mom of course.

    Topic: You NEED a man in your life.


    Her: Don't yell at me when I say this** but you NEED a man in your life. (emphasis hers, not mine)
    Me: *calmly* No I don't.
    Her: See? There you go yelling already.
    Me: I'm not yelling. I'm calmly disagreeing.
    Her: You need a man in your life.
    Me: No I don't. A man in my life would certainly be nice, but men bring hassle along with all the good stuff. (I give multiple good examples.) Besides, I think too many people, men and women, get themselves into heaps of trouble by telling themselves they NEED an SO. So they settle for any old SO. If people just ...
    Her:*interrupting* You need a man in your life.

    And so on for several minutes. I chalk it up to the fact that she's concerned about me and, back when it looked like beau and I might go permanent, she was relieved that she wouldn't "have to" worry about me as much. That and the fact that she's 81 and, in her generation, most women genuinely believed they needed men. That and the fact that my Dad, while decidedly imperfect, is a very good man, so it never occurs to her that having a man may not necessarily be better than being alone.

    If she knew what I know, she might not be convinced. Besides, beau and I decided to slow things down and reassess, not part ways permanently. Neither one of us is a teenager. Seriously. What is the rush? If it was meant to be, it will. Waiting a little while won't do any harm. Rushing things very well might.

    Anyway. I say all this to say that mothers everywhere, including my own, exercise their right to selective hearing loss at will. Hers really kicked it into high gear today. *sigh*




    ** When Mom says this, I know she's getting ready to say something that's going to make me want to start yelling immediately.
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    fri...teach a bike and bench class...take son for mexican food...not sure where the rest of the day went, basically when either kid is home I feel like I am pretty much running around doing small tasks non-stop...cook a good dinner which is fairly impressive given that we need to grocery shop so I hadto be pretty resourceful....apparently son takes a nasty pill with his dinner and hurts my feelings ...that leads to me retiring to my room for the evening, feeling fairly hurt and outraged and taken for granted....pretty much stay that way until a hug happens that is supposed to be the non-verbal version of an apology...
  15. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    @pygmalion--I'm fairly confident you do NOT need a man in your life! In fact, one could argue that you could use fewer men in your life! (Between your ex, DS, and beau, it seems to me like there are a plethora of men in your life...and not all of them are net stress reducers, if ykwim.)

    @pygmalion again--Thanks for asking about Husband. Eh. He's a little better, but still sick. Like he wasn't up to going to even the grocery store today...and we only live about 6 minutes from the grocery store. He wasn't up for going to the movies. I would say he has more energy than he did a couple weeks ago, but he still has a nasty cough when he doesn't take the Tussionex. Today was The Plague's 2 month anniversary. Un-happy anniversary, Plague. Go away.

    @fascination--Sorry about the unpleasantness at dinner. Glad the boy came to his senses. Do you think maybe he is stressed about being away from his son and may be lashing out b/c of that?
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    In the words of the great Carrie Bradshaw, you said a mouthful there, sister. lol


    Two months. Good grief! That is ridiculous. I'm sure the whole ChaChaFamily is well and truly tired of this. I'll keep channeling positive thoughts your way.
  17. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    ccm....considering he is going on my dime to see him in about a week, I should think not.....though, even if it was, um, I am tired of being the dog that gets kicked...I have had enough of "it is my job to understand" and would like to see a bit more of; "control yourself"....I have had that my entire life, speaking of being able to do without a few men
  18. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    Oh, believe me, I understand! And it is NEVER okay to make someone whose fault it is NOT the recipient of one's own frustration with life, though I believe it happens all the time.

    (It's different when the person is the cause of one's frustration, e.g., "Pick up your own dirty laundry and put it in the hamper, Child! I am not the house elf!" = a little melodramatic, but appropriately directed frustration on my part.)

    I think many times, the people in one's life misunderstand that the main thing most adult women want for Christmas is some understanding and appreciation, not a sweater or an iPod (or whatever).

    I have actually decided that I have now gotten sick enough of the "good-natured" jabs* my sister sometimes takes that I am going to call them out if there are any over Christmas this year. Child's school read this book where if you do a nice thing for someone, you are a BUCKET FILLER and if you do or say something that makes someone else feel bad, you are a BUCKET DIPPER. So I'm going to say "Classic bucket dip!" if I hear any.

    *Stuff like when I said that we were having some renovations done on our house "So are you also going to get curtains too or has that become your signature look?" Or little digs about how I don't use certain technologies or have the latest gizmos "Yes, but you act like you're eighty." Thanks, kid sister. This kind of teasing was fine when you were 8 and I was 14, but you are 39. Cut it out.
  19. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    SATURDAY:
    A little laundry, a little packing.
    Husband had said he would go to the grocery store, but says he is feeling "a little worse" today. It's fine. I'll see if I can fit in to my jam packed day. I wish he felt well enough to do at least one thing, like go to the movies with Child and just sit there, but he really doesn't. This illness is wearing on all of us.

    11:30-12:30--5.75 miles on treadmill.
    Shower.

    1:30-4:30--"The Hobbit" at local movie theater with friends of Child and friends' family.

    Grocery shop, as Husband is too sick.

    Head out late to Atlantic Ballroom Christmas party.

    8-10:30--AB Christmas Party. Among other things, watch Nik and Natasha dance together for what might be the last time. [They posted their break up on DSI the first week in December.] Oh, and I gave Nik a bottle of Veuve Clicquot as an Xmas present.
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I have been observing of late, that unfortunately being deferential to others and exercising a sort of servant leadership is oftentimes not appreciated but rather taken as a permission slip to be the one who can be made fun of or criticized and/or seen as naturally being on the lowest rung of the "valued as a person" ladder rather than as someone who has just happened to be loving you and absorbing your pain and frustration and trying to be a blessing in your life category...I am getting a good deal of it from men of late....and I am not saying I haven't signed up for some of it...but I think most of it is a lack of self monitoring on the part of others...I don't even mind the dynamic half the time, I am afterall, intentionally trying to be deferential, that being said, is it really too much to apologize when one has kicked the dog a bit too hard?....as to your original question: I think the larger cause is that he has a certain amount of shame that he is still so dependent upon us and that quite frankly, he put me through hell last year...so I think that there are times when
    he feels like he has to assert his adulthood to make himself feel better, but because it is from an internal space of insecurity, he has to instead point to some notion that I treat him like a child, when the incident wasn't about that at all...he got up very suddenly from dinner without saying a word and headed toward the bathroom...when I asked if he was okay (worrying that he was having an allergic reaction to something-which is not uncommon) I couldn't hear his response so I followed him and I got a very pissy "don't treat me like a child" sort of thing...he was just crabby...I would have run after my husband who also has food allergies...he was actually going to his room for something but he was mumbling and I couldn't hear him

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