yesterday's activities

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by fascination, May 10, 2009.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yay for slow cookers! I know the folks over in the recipes thread get sick of hearing me yammer on about them, but I truly believe in slow cookers. Amen and amen. These days, I try to adapt as many things as possible to the slow cooker. It makes life so much easier.
    ChaChaMama likes this.
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    Just a few things. Have The Talk with DS. No, not that talk. We had that talk when he was nine. lol. I'm talking about the college talk. Or, as DS's BFF calls it, the "Get your s*** together, soldier," talk. Oy. Kids will kill you.


    Me to DS: It's time to start seriously considering the impact of your grades on your cumulative GPA. As much as I hate to admit it, the words "permanent record" do in fact cross my lips. I say it jokingly, but both DS and I know it's true. High school GPA is considered, when it's time to get into college. Even a ninth-grade elective can have an impact. No grade is a throwaway. And so on. IOW Get your s*** together, soldier. *sigh*

    I cannot believe the things I'm hearing myself say or the way that I'm saying them. I'm floundering, here. Parenthood is so hard! I honestly cannot tell if I'm motivating him or scaring him. And, even if I am scaring him I don't know if that's a bad thing.

    And then, just because I'm warmed up now and cannot shut up, I segue into the close cousin to The College Talk -- the And While We're At It, Let's Criticize You Just a Little More Talk. (Thank goodness I limited my scope to school work and grades.)

    When I finally get my lips to stop flapping, I take a breath. "Am I criticizing you for no good reason?" (Yes. I want to assuage my guilt by trying to sound reasonable.) "No. You're criticizing me for a good reason. Mom." Oy! Just stick the knife in my heart and twist it, son! lol.

    We look at DS's grades online grades. Conclusion: DS's problems are 1) Poor organizational skills and 2) A lack of willingness to use rote memorization. :eek: Just kidding! Mostly. But yeah. DS's big problem, IMO, is that he is not willing to spend the necessary time studying. Bottom line: DS has to step up.

    At the end of the day, we have an action plan. I set an expectation for grades. Until DS gets his grades where they need to be, he will attend tutorials at school every morning. He will also use his day planners in every class. I will check his day planner, ask him about assignments and help him with homework every day, as needed. Fair enough. Long road ahead. *sigh*
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yesterday part 2

    In other news:

    An hour on phone with older Sis, S. I always intend to talk for her for five minutes, but never manage fewer than sixty. Love, love love her. She's at Mom and Dad's overseeing the final touches on her new house. Lots of news. The biggest surprise is that, three(?) years after it was filed, Sis's divorce is still not final. I find this mind boggling.

    Hour talking to Mom. Mom is happy. Sis will be living across the street from the PUs. What's not to like? Dad is doing what old men do -- pretending he's not old. As in refusing to apply for a handicapped tag for his car, even though walking is painful at best. Oh well. *shrug*

    And the biggest news is that I had an hour-long conversation with the ex for the first time in years. I mean years as in something in the neighborhood of a decade or maybe even more. The conversation is all about DS but still. I make it all the way through without any Tourette's-like outbursts. He makes it through without carefully syllabizing (sp?) my name before saying, "I'm going to hang up now." This is one for the record books. I truly don't know what to make of it.

    Afterward, I start thinking. When the ex and I were going through the worst of things, I used to tell him stuff like, "You know, when everything is said and done and all the dust clears, I will be all right, but you will have to live the rest of your life with the knowledge of the things you did. I wouldn't take a million dollars to be in your shoes, then." (Yes. The kind of divorce I went through ups the melodramatic quotient in a big way. lol) Today, I realize that what I told him back then is true. Today, I am okay and on my way to great, while the ex will forever have to live with the choices he made that have caused him irreparable loss. Very sad. But it is what it is. As my Dad always says, "You pay your money and you make your choice."

    Done. But isn't that enough? *grin*
    ChaChaMama likes this.
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    mon...teach a class. drive to indy, 4 lessons, dinner as per sleep in months.. errands, lessons(continuation of wonderfulness), drive home, teach spin, group class at local studio....home to collapse....feeling as though I have definately over done it
  5. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    @Pygmalion--My two favorite lines above were "I make it all the way through without any Tourette's-like outbursts" and "Dad is doing what old men do--pretending he's not old." That second one I can relate to. My Dad will go to something like a high school reunion and will remark that there were a lot of old people there. I never know if he is kidding or not, especially because he'll sometimes add "No, but some people LOOKED really old!" It is true that he and my Mom look pretty darn good for people in their 70s, but still....

    Trying to get out of the house, but then got caught up doing annoying things like putting away laundry, the upshot of which is that I didn't get to work until 10:15.

    -Roughed out syllabus and grading rubric for graduate course I will be teaching this spring.

    -Work on conference paper. Currently working on the section about Mohsin Hamid's The Reluctant Fundamentalist.

    Also took a brief break to go get brows waxed. (Place is just a few blocks from campus.)
    Oh, and heard a little campus gossip from a friend.

    Picked up Child. Read with Child. Took Child to dance.

    5--Child's 3.5 hours of dance.
    As soon as we got there, I remembered that we still have gift cards--Christmas presents!--for some of her teachers from the holidays and I left them at home. (*Child missed Tuesday classes just prior to Christmas as it conflicted with her winter music concert, and 3 of her 4 Tuesday dance teachers were absent the first week in January.) It's a 25-30 min drive each way, but I decided to do it. Unfortunately, accident on single lane each direction road made the drive take significantly longer. Yuck.
    Back. Gave Child gift cards. Helped her with her hip-hop shoes.
    Read House of Leaves. I think I may be able to finish this by Monday.

    Home. Put Child to bed.

    Spent a little time looking at some of the materials for the Academic Planning Committee. So far there have been 14 position requests. Clearly, not all of them will be funded. So we get to decide and rank.
  6. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member


    Ballet, which is fun, but who am I trying to kid? don't know how much longer I'll be doing this
    Errands like mad; don't get home until after after 4 and have to be back at studio @ 7 for
    Group class, better than last week, for me, at least
    Home, wired, can't sleep


    Wake in the morning covered with some kind of bites, itchy red welts from mid-thigh to navel, very odd and looks *terrible*
    Pick up van from Ex; pick up treadmill from father's house, where it's rotting and awaiting landfill status; bring treadmill to Ex, so he can get off the effing couch and maybe be able to walk at his next show; <startrant>he has been sitting, watching TV and playing solitaire, for the past 9 months, complaining of leg cramps and back pain; <startBIGrant>ya think? get up and move, buckaroo, you'll feel better, generate a couple of endorphins and maybe you'll be less depressed *and* be able to move around the shows you love and where you make your living;<endBIGrant> why I give a damn I do not know, but I was glad to get rid of the treadmill; it's a no-motor item, will be very good for him b/c he'll have to make it work<endrant>
    Coffee with DB#2, discuss recent studio drama
    Home; kitchen therapy! Cook enough food for a week, I'm a true believer in "cook once, eat many times" and will do large batches of ratatouille, roast big chickens, make half a dozen pork chops, roast a couple of heads of cauliflower, steam a big pot of brown rice, etc, and assemble meals for days out of what's around, rather than making something new every night; you'd be amazed at what you can do with leftover chicken, brown rice, an assortment of veg, chicken broth, a little dairy, maybe some dijon mustard, some lemon juice, and good spices; father is pleased b/c I've also made mashed potatoes, and he loves him some mashed; he will make that instant crap, it's enough to give me the heaves
    Z late, wake 4am, enough with the early wakeup call, cat!
  7. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member


    Shovel driveway, which is between 500 and 800 feet long, depending on how thorough a job I want to do, and how much time I have; yes, driveway gets longer as I get tired-er, amazing how that happens ;-) and I give up around the 500-foot mark, b/c it's heavy, wet snow and I can get out and if necessary, an ambulance can get up; yes, folks, this is now my main reason for clearing the driveway: Just In Case; TDNWMH and I wish I could stop worrying, but that will likely only happen as a terminal event, one way or another; driveway is not only long, but on a hill, with curves; tilted and curved and slanted, many a delivery truck has gotten stuck in snow, not to mention countless cars; people always think, "what's the big deal" and then they find out, bwahahahaaaa! in snow, it's the driveway equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle: you get partway in, you can't get out
    Time to hire a plow, I am too old for this crap; nephew #1 has moved in with his GF, #2 is going back to college, and I ain't gonna shovel no more no more
    Lesson, which predictably does not go so well; I am Tired; Teach gets testy with me
    Phone calls
    Sephora! Retail Therapy! Apple Store! More RT! Best Buy! Yet More!
    Home, lunch
    Home, din, conversation, Z ridiculously, embarrassingly early
  8. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    i swear to god, one of these days I'm going to head in up to visit and just learn that skill...cuz I do not have it at all.
    j_alexandra likes this.
  9. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    get a snowmobile, or a tractor..
    j_alexandra likes this.
  10. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    Or a teenager. They will be happy to take a little cash off you, and I'll bet they will charge less than what you would pay for a massage afterward!

    I have to say that one of the things I love about my house is that it has a really short driveway. Does it look as beautiful as a long, sweeping driveway? No. Is it easy to deal with in the winter? Yes.

    I also just happen to live next door to a guy with a plow who will often plow my short driveway for me, gratis. He also plows the whole neighborhood. (We live on a private road.)
    j_alexandra likes this.
  11. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    And FTR, I would wanna see a pic of that...
  12. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    No snowmobile or tractor is ever going under my rear end. Clearing the driveway comes under the heading of "someone else should do this," as does plumbing, sheetrock, painting, repairs, etc. Done and done. Sorry, Sami; no photo. You remember the driveway? Nice in summer, but.

    The local teenagers take one look and back away slowly. Not to mention, there are hardly any local teenagers, and this is a high-rent district; they don't do manual labor around here. I think we were the last generation to live here before everyone around us sold their homes to rich folks. Rich folks do not shovel. They hire day laborers. However, in order to hire a day laborer, I need to be able to get out of the driveway. Catch-22.
    samina likes this.
  13. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    blurrrrr, Virgin America to Fort Lauderdale...lovely flight.
    Pick up rental, zzzz for evening.
    hit the road north, stop to see some sights along the eastern coastline of Florida while
    traveling to Titusville to meet up with little sister (haven't seen her in YEARS as she lived in Austria).
    Huge hugs, my nephews are SO BIG/TALL now....I feel like a little lady next to them.
    Nephews proceed to tell me about the alligator in the back yard lake, bob cat that poaches the yard, opossum and racoon that make themselves at home...oh yea!!! lol.
    Head out after dinner to Orlando.
    Spend all day yesterday at the Animal Kingdom and photograph TONS AND TONS of wildlife. yea!
    Go to see a couple of movies at downtown Disney and relinquish our feet to the evening of rest.
  14. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    Am remembering some years back when I lived at the bottom of a steep 1000-ft blacktop-paved driveway and what it was like to get through winters with that thing...

    If the plow truck came before you got out, you were (ironically) pretty much stranded, because the thin layer of whatever it left behind would freeze into an ice ramp. Any attempt to leave would ultimately result in a sideways back-slide and getting stuck diagonally in the driveway. Once, the tow truck that came on a rescue mission ALSO slid & got stuck...thankfully only temporarily, but it raised a few heartbeats.

    I've got a healthy respect for the challenges of hill-living.
    j_alexandra likes this.
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I have never lived anywhere but at the top of a hill not sure what that means can be a total PITA when it isn't wonderful
  16. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    I named yesterday the "Kick Me When I'm Down" day.

    On my way out of the house I realize I didn't put a bottle of DMD in the fridge the night before. No biggie, i'll just pick it up at the cafe in our building. ...they're out of DMD. TDNWMH.

    Shortly after I arrive a coworker comes by asking to borrow my lighter (for candles or something). No problem, just let me reach into my backpack and get it...except I left my lighter and cigarettes at home. TDNWMH. Yeah, I know, smoking is bad, blah blah blah. And you know what else? I'm a half a pack a day smoker, so not having any with me means I'm in for a bad day. Morality aside, the cravings are real...and they stink. So, TDNWMH #2.

    I have a meeting mid-morning, so I prepare for it. Print stuff out, do background research, grab other notes, make notes to myself with pertinent questions.

    At 10:30 I head to what was the single most offensive meeting I have ever had. Just flat-out offensive, from start to finish. Newly-promoted coworker (NPC) comes with me, because "he's interested" in knowing more about this issue (which, btw, doesn't pertain to him or his all). I call b.s.--you haven't been interested in a g.d. thing I do, not even when you're technically on the project, so don't give me that horse[poo]. Whatever.

    Meet meeting guy. Say hello, make introductions, we head to a conference room. I start things off--what I do, how we came to be looking at this stuff, what we saw that raised flags, general questions about methodology. NPC jumps in right after I finish with, "What Peaches is trying to say is, we blah blah blah..." Um...a)thank you for not adding a g.d. thing, but nice of you to jump in like you're in charge; b)thanks for undermining me; c)what's this "we" [stuff], you expletive deleted? TDNWMH #3.

    (Pyg, you asked in a different thread about managers taking credit and what to do about it? I don't have a manger who does that, and I have no clue how to deal with it. But it's pissing me the hell off.)

    So, yeah, that's the first thing that ticked me off. But worse than that, i realize that Meeting Guy isn't talking to me. By which I mean, I'm asking questions...and he would look at me for that, and then physically turn in his chair and address his answers to NPC. Every.single.time. Oh, I tried bringing his attention back, by interrupting to ask for clarification or similar. And, I'll be clear, I was the one asking all of the questions...and they weren't fluffy questions, FTR. But every single time...he'd look at me while I was talking, but then shift and speak only to NPC. Thank you, expletive deleted. Go pick the four letter word of your choice, and go do that to yourself. TDNWMH #4.

    I left that meeting absolutely livid. Went to get cigarettes. Smoked two.

    Worked through lunch, as usual.

    Staff meeting at 1:30. Soon-to-be new temporary boss is running the meeting, and she gives us color printed agendas. She gets major kudos for this. Seriously? Are you people effing kidding me? Color printed meeting notes...which you could have written down yourself...and this is considered an achievement? For the love of pete, what b.s. Anyhow. Headdesk.

    3pm--meeting with branch chief (BC) for interview feedback and discussion of career. This was the real kick-in-the-teeth, kick-me-while-I'm-down meeting. Don't get me wrong, it went well. I got good feedback (apparently my interview was spectacular, and the best of the group). Seems my poise was remarkable. News to me. Anyhow.

    I don't want to be one of those people who can't, or won't, take responsibility for their mistakes. I don't want this to come across that way. So I'll start by saying that the reason why I was ranked 3rd for this position is a very good reason--irrespective of anyone else's qualifications. It's something I know is a liability of mine, and I've been working to correct (lack of visible leadership--see recap of earlier meeting today for a stellar example of this). I'm very much the sort to quietly step in and take over things behind the scenes and make them go; good for being effective, not so good for getting credit or being seen for my role. BC acknowledged this. And the reality is, others had much more visible leadership, and that's what put them ahead of me. OK. Like I said, I know this is a liability of mine. I'm not comfortable being that aggressive (which is what it feels like to me), people don't follow me anyhow (mostly they ignore me or talk over me), and I have got absolutely zero patience for people and their irresponsibility and this herding of bloody cats. I'm not a manager for a reason.

    So...anyhow... I get that others had this quality which put them ahead of me. I really do.

    ...but then he had to give examples of what NPC has done as a leader, which really counted for a lot. Being team leader. Taking the lead on a given project. Doing research and presenting. ...and this is when I about flipped my [poo]. In my head, of course. Not out loud. Team leader? You mean the team leader who has a meeting once a year because our boss makes him, tells us stuff we knew already, doesn't add anything to the team, and...btw...doesn't bother to actually pass on pertinent information? That sort of leader? Or, taking the lead on my third project, which I've been trying to get him to be involved with for-bloody-ever, which he doesn't have a g.d. clue about? The project where I've done 99.9% of the effing work? My THIRD major project, that I'm doing by myself because he can't be bothered to help with? MY third major project, which I've run and developed from day-effing-one...WHILE developing new datasets and taking on multiple additional projects? Is THAT the sort of leadership you're looking for on that project? Doing research--like the four additional datasets that I've been wanting to develop for over a year, which no one else has bothered to ever try, but that I haven't had the bloody effing time to do because...oh, why can't I?...oh, right, because I've got three g.d. effing studies to run by my g.d. self. I don't have the luxury of having a single study, with a third of the volume that I handle, with someone else to help. Which they can't even be bothered to deal with one of the most basic requirements of (answering questions from the field), because I'm the one getting calls from the field asking when NPC and Assistant are going to be working on things again.

    Yeah...I about flipped. TDNWMH #...what the hell number am I up to? Yeah, that one.

    Have smoke. Steam for rest of day. Get fumigated by Garlic Woman on the way home. (I hate the smell of garlic on people.)

    Come home, drink martinis while venting to DH, get lit, go to bed.
  17. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    I will add this though...

    Part of my discussion with BC centered on ways to increase my visibility, and increase my visible leadership. There's a highly-potential temporary assignment coming up (they're fighting for funding), and it would be at a higher pay level; he's lobbying hard with the director for that to be mine. I appreciate his efforts. BIG TIME.

    I have a soft spot for this particular manager. Yes, I have my issues with him as well, but I have a lot of respect for him and a huge soft spot for him. He has been in my corner from Day 1, I'm pretty sure he "gets" me better than anyone else at work (although he used to be convinced that I was a dominatrix,, way off!), and his guidance and feedback has always been helpful and kind. He has gone to bat for me repeatedly, and has really fought for me. This time around, I was ranked #3 by the panel...and they expected an exception to open a third promotion. He was the one who asked the execs for it...and got torn a new one for it. (Apparently, the email response he got started with "How dare you blah blah blah" and went downhill from there.) I REALLY appreciate his efforts.

    I also discussed my increasing boredom, and ways to shift workload in order to alleviate it. Not the not enough to do boredom, the I've been doing this for too long boredom. That goes well. Keeping my fingers crossed.

    So even though I was livid about some things, it was a good meeting in a lot of ways.
  18. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah, and another thing...

    On the way home (whilst being fumigated by Garlic Chick), I get a text from DH saying he's going to Orlando on Sunday. What the...??? Ask why. "To work out some details." What the...??? The company doesn't fly people down to "work out details," and I'm gun-shy about thing anyhow after this past December's experience with this company. Worry the entire way home.

    Get home and find out that he's going down to work a trade show, and it's last-minute because of staffing issues upstream. OK, I feel better.

    And then he drops the bomb that he's starting to pull together his resume, and have an escape plan. After December's news, he's really not happy. He's also getting very nervous about his tenure there. I'd been concerned before, but not I'm in just-this-side-of-flat-out-panic mode. TDNWMH. I mean, good for him for planning ahead so as to not be caught flat-footed should the worst happen. But at the same time, the instability makes me nervous as all hell.

    GDit. Can't we just have one, good, calm year? Seriously. I'm getting really tired of this [stuff].

    NURDRMS Well-Known Member

    OMG, Peaches. What a truly awful day. Hopefully I won't make it awfuller by adding my 2 cents, but here goes. IMHO, leadership is a mind-set. A fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of thing. I mean, here I am, about to pin on my second star, and I still occasionally look back over my shoulder and wonder when they're all going to figure out that I don't know what I'm doing. But I believe that true leadership is quietly (yes, I believe quietly works best) convincing folks that what you want them to do will give them the opportunity to contribute to something bigger than what they alone could do. A service-for-all-humanity kind of thing. As I type this I know I'm not making sense, but I can't figure out how to explain it any better. If you get the chance, watch a Youtube video by Daniel Pink called Drive. He talks about what motivates people. Anyway, hope today goes better.
    Purr likes this.
  20. Zhena

    Zhena Well-Known Member

    Oy ...

    I know you said your response was in you head and not out loud ... but why not out loud? Are you sure he already knows the details? If he doesn't, and others in upper management don't know either, you're not going to get anywhere. I know you have a strong aversion to being seen as a tattle-tale, but you're not doing your colleagues and supervisors any favors by letting the misperceptions continue. You have done a perfectly adequate job of telling DF what you do ... it seems logical that you could provide the same information to those up the chain ... and it need not be an indictment of NPC (except by implication).

    And ... it may not be applicable to you ... but check out the "Imposter Syndrome".

    Good Luck.

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