yesterday's activities

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by fascination, May 10, 2009.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh Peaches! I'm sorry I didn't check in sooner. I got sidetracked this afternoon with a work project that had a drop-dead deadline of 6:00PM today. I was working until 5:59.

    I'm so sorry. Good grief. What a day! I hope today is going better (but then how could it possibly be worse? )

    I really want you to get your hind parts over to the career thread (What the heck is it called? Office dynamic whatever) and ask some questions. I think that a lot of more people would be willing to pitch in suggestions of things that might help.

    NURDRMS and Zhena have already gotten off to a good start, IMHO.

    I will give some thought to the leadership question. (btw NURDRMS, what you said made sense to me.)

    I also think that a lot of times, people conflate leadership with management or with being a boss, whatever that means. (I think that good leaders have both management and "boss" skills, but that the reverse is not necessarily true. I also think that really good leaders rarely have to use boss skills. they can just ask people to do stuff because, as NURDRMS said, they've created a feeling of ownership in others. But that's just my view.) To me, you have already demonstrated leadership skills. To me, a leader is someone who is willing to be accountable to and responsible for the people she/he is leading. You already do that, P. I think this BC guy may have a point. It's not necessarily leadership you need to learn as much as how to create positive visibility for yourself.

    That's going to be hard for you, I know, because, from what I know of you, you'd like nothing better than to be left alone in your khuuuube to cozy up to your data sets. The problem is that, while you're cozying up to 99% of the work, NPC is out touting the 1% he did. In the absence of your blowing your own horn, nobody knows for sure how much you're doing and apparently, NPC is not shy about allowing people to think that he's doing more than he is.

    And on a different note, I'm just curious. Who was at the meeting where loser guy kept telling NPC the answers to your questions? Just the three of you?
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah and re Your DH polishing off his resume. I can see why his working on a resume would seem like a big thick layer of icing on the crap cake you were eating all day yesterday. But look at it from another angle, if you can. He's taking control of the things in his control, rather than waiting for external circumstances to catch him (and by extension you) by surprise. I think that's pretty admirable.
    singndance likes this.
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    hmmm...not sure when I last checked in...

    wed..teach clue what else....teach abs and interval again in the evening...oh, lol, and buy a new Ipod that has way more GB than I needed, because I know nothing...dh was profoundly amused

    thurs ...teach blast....yearly ob/gyn appt.....beginning to get ill

    fri(today)....teach bike and bench....lunch with admin to form a task force to handle department shake up....nap...engaged clients...bed soon
  4. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    @Peaches--I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse, but it strikes me that part of the problem may be that some people in your work environment may be--consciously or unconsciously--a little sexist. Talking past the woman asking questions to the other male in the room is very telling to me.

    I even find the demands to self-promote and be a visible leader to be loaded with (stereotypically) masculine assumptions about what constitutes leadership. (Apparently self-promoting behavior, not quietly and excellent getting important projects done. In other words, don't just lead by example; lead noisily and make sure to leave lots of footprints.)

    All of which is to say don't be angry with yourself. Recognize that this may be the reality on the ground and strategize about how you want to deal with it. Moving forward, can you, for example, copy a superior on e-mails which might indicate who is doing most of the work on some of these projects where someone else is trying to claim credit for your work? Just a thought. Obviously I don't the particulars of your work place.

    I haven't checked in in a while. The basics:

    Read House of Leaves.
    Took Child to dance that night.
    -->Probably something else happened this day, but darned if anything comes to me at the moment.

    Child home from school--stomach bug. Not fun.
    Changed cat box.
    Read House of Leaves.
    Read The Last Apprentice: Night of the Soul Stealer to her.
    Put in 6 miles on treadmill. Shower.
    Husband went to specialist. Came home with new nasal inhaler...and it seems to be helping some!
    Went in to campus for a couple hours. Signed some forms for VagMon. (They need a faculty signature.) Did some work on removing one of the sedimentary layers of mess in my office, as the start of Spring 2013 is around the corner and I really haven't addressed the mess I left behind in December when the semester ended.
    Took out trash can from Child's room.

    Began lengthy process of tagging/forwarding 10 years of VagMon at my college celebration invite to alumni casts. Get through 2004, 2005, 2006.

    Child home from school. Feeling somewhat better--last vomiting at 2 AM. (And she didn't even wake us up. Just did her thing and went back to bed.) By mid-morning, able to drink water and eat crackers. (She would be willing to eat more, but I think one needs to start slowly.)

    Escape to Towson for double Nik lesson!

    Stop at Towson mall on way home and buy name brand jeans. I never do this. My sister sometimes gets me name brand jeans for a present...and in fact got me one pair for Christmas. But I really am down to one pair of blue jeans, and that's not great b/c I wear jeans a lot.
    Fantastic sales associate who sets off my gaydar gets me to try some new brands. He is pulling things in my size left and right.
    I wound buying 1 pair of AG jeans and 1 pair of Hudson. I'm wearing the AG right now and they are just fantastically comfortable, maybe the softest jeans I have ever had! And they make me look like I have a butt, which is nice. These ones:

    Our basement renovation is DONE!!! I check out the final product. Nice! The contractor did a fantastic job. The built in bookshelves are particularly well done. The only thing I would change is that the flooring is a shade or two darker than I would prefer. Now it just needs furniture and decoration.

    Read to Child.
    Read more House of Leaves to self.

    More work on tagging and inviting. 2007, 2008 (which was a bear because I could NOT find the program from that year. Had to work off an old cast photo. Good news, though: the producer from that year managed to find the cast bios on her computer and sent them to me.)

    Proud of self for being okay with the fact that we are missing MAC this year. (I mean, obviously I'd rather be there than not...but I'm okay with a quiet weekend at home with my sickies.)

    SATURDAY (which still technically has 1 hr, 50 mins in it, but is basically over):
    Finished off the tagging and inviting project.

    Finished House of Leaves.
    Started Michael Welch's Scapegoats of 9/11: State Crimes and Hate Crimes.

    6 miles on my treadmill. (How are you liking your new Nordictrack, 3wishes? You also got the x9i, right?) Shower.

    Read with Child.

    Family fun night (re-scheduled from the night before, as the sickies felt too sick).
    Martin Luther King documentary.

    Put Child to bed.
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes. When I asked about who was at the meeting with loser guy and NPC, I was envisioning a room with just Peaches and two men in it. I also see some hints that sexism may be one of the issues, here. Given where Peaches works, I'd find it surprising if there wasn't sexism. So yes. Exactly. It's definitely not time for self-blame. IMO, it's time to assess the situation and come up with a strategy that works without selling out any of your core values.

    My experience with a similarly mostly-men work culture is mixed. I've seen some powerful women driven to (private) tears because their excellent ideas got completely shut out in a meeting where decisions were supposedly based on data. I've seen a group of people after a technical meeting, where the nuts and bolts conversation got started as the guys with real power walked together into the mens restroom. I've seen men (I think unintentionally) use stereotypical physical power positions (standing over women who are seated, expanding their personal space to fill the space available, etc) All this stuff can be subtle but that doesn't stop it from being real. In the same organization, I've seen women observe the culture and learn to work the system to their own benefit (and, ultimately, to the benefit of other women.)

    I think that work organizations have personalities and that it's difficult for one person to affect change all by herself. All one can do is try to affect change over the things one can control and try to, over time, expand ones circle of influence. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is so old it's practically a cliche, but I find a lot of value in a concept I first saw in that book. I think you need to know what you control versus what you influence, but be aware that your choices can shrink or expand your circle of influence. Maybe that idea resonates with me because, to me, real leadership is often about using ones personal power to influence others to want to work with you for the team's benefit. I prefer leaders who rarely resort to using positional power (although positional power has its uses -- something we can talk about, if you want.)

    The other thing is knowing what you're not willing and/or not able to do. Remember the 80s? (No. Peaches. Of course you don't. lol) I do, sort of, since I entered the work force in the late 80s. There were a lot of young women then who rose to power positions by emulating the men who ran our company at the time. Navy blue power suits and even neckties were on women everywhere. In retrospect, I think we looked ridiculous, but at least it was obvious what you were dealing with. If you wanted to get ahead, you had to literally wear the suit. Things have changed. Nobody these days would advise you that you had to wear a blue power suit to get ahead (and I'm sure they'd tell you avoid those ludicrous floppy bowties that women used to love so much, lol) But, in some organizations, there's still a figurative suit people expect you to wear, in order to look like you want to get ahead. The question is which parts of the suit fit and which parts you can do without, while still succeeding in your organization's culture. I hope that makes sense.
  6. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    @ccm. Yay for Nordstrom jeans shopping. I have a GF who absolutely swears by the Nordstrom jeans shopping experience. She says that you should set aside and entire afternoon, head to Nordstrom's and allow a sales associate to help you find the jeans.

    To which I said, "Yeah. But $200 for a pair of jeans? That's crazy." To which she said, "I see why you say that, but I've had the jeans I'm wearing now for several years. They still feel great. They still look great."

    You can't beat that logic.
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yesterday: The day was split into two parts.

    Part 1: Trying to design an innovative training course. The problem is that it's an update/refresher course for people who've been around for years. I'm not sure why, but I find it much harder than usual to be creative with ideas for this type of audience. I have to come up with something and get it all put together before Thursday, so I beat my head against a brick wall for the bulk of the morning. I finally decide to go with childish. Childish is always fun.

    These are the people I whined about before -- the ones for whom I create documentation galore and who either refuse to read the materials I've provided or else come to me for answers without ever bothering to check the database that I've spent hours and hours populating (just for kicks, mind you. I love creating mountains of documentation that nobody ever reads.)

    Hah! I come up with a brilliant solution. The class has ... 12? people in it, so I'm going to divide them into three teams and give the teams a pre-class assignment that requires them to access the database they've been avoiding. When we get to class, we'll play Jeopardy for some very nice prizes. The team that does the assignment and works together best will win. Actually, we all win. The few people who've been trying to keep up with my documentation will have a definite advantage. The people who work together in advance will do some team-building. (Hint: 36 questions divided by four team members = a lot less than 36 questions.) Everybody will get exposed to new and review material. And I won't have to stand up there and present in a boring way. If these folks do their assignment, any talking I do will be for clarification and/or review. I like it. They may not, but hey. I'm the teacher. They're going to have to deal with it.

    Second half of the day: Decide to break down and join Twitter. Never thought I'd cave, but I was finally overcome by an overwhelming desire to see what all the tweeting is about. Mixed reviews. I'm a political/information junkie, so it's nice to get updates from the NYT and a bunch of other news outlets. OTOH, I think I'm going to be forced to unfollow the Huffington post. Love, love love the HP's columns on parenting and divorce especially. But I get similar news updates from multiple other sources and the HP sends inane celebrity-related tweets WAY too often. Seriously. I do not care that Michael J. Fox had a war of words with Taylor Swift over her dating his son. No. Really. I don't care about this or any other the billion other stupid things that are now floating around in my head. I think I'm going to have to stick with the HP's online version. All this tweeting is out of hand.
  8. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    Oooh, forgot to mention the really good part. The AG jeans that are so soft and amazing? Marked down from $172 to $115.24!

    Admittedly, I could get a pair of jeans at Old Navy here in town for $25-35, and I'm sure they would get the basic job done too. But I don't buy jeans all that often. Might as well get ones I like! And I can't say enough about how great the sales associate was. He knew skinny jeans like I know British modernism and he seemed like he genuinely wanted to help me expand my knowledge and find something great.

    Btw, funny thing about some of the skinny jeans--some of them fit fine through my hips and thighs, but were so tight in the calf area as to be on the verge of cutting off circulation. I thought it was pretty ironic that the running and dancing I do, which enables me to stay in a 27 (Hudson) or 28 (AG) jean, makes me too muscular for some skinny jeans. I tried on this one pair of Rag & Bone jeans with really cool detailing. Not.Going.To.Happen. So tight in the lower leg I was almost lightheaded!
    The truly exceptional sales associate was very sympathetic. He said "You work out, don't you?" He had also danced from age 5 and says he now runs every day and says he has the same problem with some skinny jeans.
  9. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member


    Spend waaaay too much time with the X. This leads me to look for places to go dancing, in order to do Cootie Abatement; find a Blues Dancing venue in NYC, make plans for Friday night


    Lesson, in which things go better, deo gratias
    Pack and ship a high-four-figure order; woo hoo, income!
    Make a flourless chocolate cake as a birthday cake for a friend; it comes out all wrong, but I can't bear to throw it away, so I call her and apologize, we'll manage something else some other time; seriously, a pound of chocolate, 8 eggs, half a pound of butter: ingredients alone are more than I want to waste, so, freeze and cross fingers
    Somehow, just can't get self together to go blues dancing, alas; it was soooo cooooold out, I just didn't want to leave the house; should have arranged to work at the MAC on Friday, b/c then I'd have already been in the city and would have no excuse
    Read, Z
  10. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member


    Read; newly renovated library is ideal for this; why am I surprised? From the desk, can see out 3 windows; from the couch, only two, but if I turn my head, the third window looks out on the river, color me happy
    Have a sudden bout of big gloom; go to Lowe's to practice retail therapy; long conversation with DB#1 re: exactly what kind of retail therapy to practice, which shakes down to: get a space saver for over the bathroom toilet; buy it, go home, measure toilet tank; turns out space saver *will* fit (bathrooms were last updated in 1930s, and old fixtures are bigger than modern fixtures, so there was some doubt); instructions say "should take 30 minutes to assemble" bwahahahaaaaaa half the screws don't fit into their holes, grrr, but I get it done, eventually, with WD-40 and pliers (the cat was not helpful)
    Place be-you-tee-ful space saver, admire it; fill it with Stuff; admire it more; pat self on back; good to feel an accomplishment on a day that had the Big Gloom
    Decide to use toilet; lift seat
    And let us draw a curtain over the rest of this scene, b/c the raised toilet seat is 3" taller than the lowest shelf, and now, cannot be fully raised; this never, ever entered my mind, when I was putting the space saver together, so NOW WHAT DO I DO?
    Eat a bit
    Theater; father liked it better than I did
    Home; call DB#1, who is ecstatic b/c ABC newsmagazing 20/20 has aired a piece about wheelchair dancing in which we were all heavily involved; was taped over a year ago, and yes, I am briefly onscreen, as are DB#1, 2, 4, and Teach, among others (this piece is available on the web, fyi: 2020/t/video/ wheelchair-dancing-18261088
    samina likes this.
  11. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    What a wonderful piece -- very touching.
    j_alexandra likes this.
  12. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    sat...wake...sick....clean house ..nap...have clients over...completely sapped....bed
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Congrats on the accomplishment! I will check out the video when I get to my other computer; the media viewer on the one I'm on is incompatible. Congrats on the accomplishment

    As much as you probably can't see it now, there is humor hidden way, way, way deep down under this. Waaay under. This story reminds me of an essay (column? story?) in an old Dave Barry book. It was his saga of Trying to Find a Toilet. It was something to do with updated building codes in the US that required toilet tanks be reduced in size. So Mr. Barry took a trip to Canada in search of toilets that would actually flush. Hilarious. Of course, he probably didn't find it humorous at the time.

    NURDRMS Well-Known Member

    Oh, yes. Don't get me started on toilets. Dh wanted a new toilet, one that uses less water per flush. So he picked one out, installed it, and then had to spend a week listening to me b%$#h about how the new toilet didn't flush everything away. So he de-installed the toilet and bought a different one, which I call the turbo toilet. It flushes so well it just about sucks all the air out of the room.
    j_alexandra and ChaChaMama like this.
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    today (Sun)= sit, blow nose, nap....lather rinse from dtr to ask if we can spend her birthday together...which is the middle of the weekend while I was supposed to be at heritage...respond with proper motherly guilt by saying that I would email my pro and arrange not to dance the first style and cancel my morning fitness class so that I could make it happen even though it would have me driving through the mountains at midnight arriving to dance with not a lot of sleep...because she IS worth it....then, after I do the whole emailing pro thing, I get the "forget it, I don't want to inconvenience you" jive....really? please make up your mind here....I don't know which hoop to jump through ...officially giving up for the night because I can't breathe, and I am too sick to figure out how to navigate this today...and am feeling the cumulative effects of a lot of disappointment at the moment .....not looking forward to the week ahead...not at all rested or ready for it
  16. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    board, ncl in miami after making a wonderful hotel mistake, it was great waking up on the beach front of collins ave a1a' truly loved it.
    good time with family and bio dad with his wife for her birthday.
    learned to stand up paddle board at grand cay with my aunt and uncle, nephews joined us. watched baby sting rays and goregous fish swim under us.
    dh and i walked hiked at least six miles in nausseau.
    more relaxing on this cruise and more walking as well.
    decided that while my muscles and legs are yelling at me for the paddle boarding, i really loved it.
    got to know my nephews better and their german lanuage is wonderfully perfect.
    dh gave me roses on both days, ahhhhhhhhh sweet.
    variety show was enjoyed and quite funny.
    now in fort lauderdale, doing laundry.
    on the road again:
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a blast. I'm glad you had fun. :)
  18. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member


    Leisurely morning
    Family "late lunch" at the home of my last cousin on my mother's side (all the rest are dead); pleasant, but "late lunch" at around 3pm became "JA's too hungry to eat smart" which I am regretting, especially since my brother made and brought a red velvet cake; shoot me now, I usually can skip cake, but it sang to me, twice
    Heard an interesting story from one family member, who lives in Taiwan, is very involved in China, and knows interesting people; one woman he refers to as Auntie Irene was one of Chou En-Lai's translators, and Chou used to take her on long trips with him b/c she could Tango, and he loved to Tango!
    Home, read, z
    samina likes this.
  19. singndance

    singndance Well-Known Member

    Ok, I have tears in my eyes after watching this......great story, and great people!
    j_alexandra likes this.
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I was finally able to figure out how to watch (thanks to DS.) I was trying to link directly to the video, which didn't work, so I went to and accessed the video via their search box.

    I found it touching and inspirational. I loved your teacher's interview, especially the part where he got choked up when talking about his work.

    Thank you so much. :)

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