yesterday's activities

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by fascination, May 10, 2009.

  1. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    I was really worried last night. I couldn't decide whether to insist on the ER or not..and I didn't get home until 11:15 PM, so this probably would have necessitated waking up CCC.

    And it's not even just caregiver burnout. I am exhausted because I am trying to do too many things at once: teach full time (plus an overload course on Monday nights!), direct FYS, be a good mom, be a good wife to sick Husband, dance, be in a play. You're right that I shouldn't be thinking "I owe it to my cast not to miss the show" when obviously my responsibility to my husband comes first. My problem is I feel responsible to everyone. I know: welcome to being female.
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    ccm: This is very worrisome to me, as well. The fact that your DH was confused really bothers me. (Not that I matter at all in this, mind you. It's about you -- the three of you.)

    I'm going to ask a ridiculous question. Do you have anybody nearby who can help you -- with laundry or cooking or anything? It's a ridiculous question because I know you're a reasonable woman who knows how to ask for help. But if you're like so many dynamic women I know, it would never occur to you to lean on others if you "can" do it yourself. I think you might be surprised at how willing people can be to be leaned on (especially if it's short term lol) I say this only because it genuinely shocks me every time I'm forced to ask for help and my cup runneth over with friends and family who want to help. They find joy in helping. Do you really want to deprive your friends of the joy of community? (See how I did that? I pulled the Mom guilt trip on you without even being your Mom. :D )

    It's okay to ask your Mom or Dad to come and stay for a few weeks (if their presence wouldn't exacerbate the problem by making you crazy.) It's okay to ask a friend to drop by Safeway for the eggs or cat food or whatever. And, while we're on the subject, it's okay if La Petite ChaCha gets less-than perfect mothering for a little while. Kids are resilient. Resourceful, too. I'd bet she could do more to help you if you let her. Look at how willingly she babysat her Dad on the way home from New York (?) last week. It might make her feel good about herself to pitch in and help in a crisis.

    Please, please, please take care of yourself. You know that old cliche. First put on your oxygen mask, then help the person seated next to you. You can't help anybody if you're passed out. Or in this case, you may become less useful to your DH, CCC, your students, your beloved alumni, the cast of VagMon, the FYS program, your FB friends, Nik, your in-laws (who keep scheduling those pesky vacations lol,) ** if you're all worn out. Aside: Look at how long that list is, and I bet I'm not even scratching the surface.

    Yes. I know that my fussing is of limited usefulness, but it's all I can give you to let you know that I truly care about you. If I was within driving distance of you, I'd be there. From here, all I can give you is moral support and a kick in the back side, when I think you need it. *ahem*


    **The cleaning lady, even. What's the worst thing that would happen if there was a little clutter in her way, for once? She'd either help declutter (unlikely, if she's anything like the cleaning ladies I've had,) or she'd clean around it. Either way, for once, you wouldn't spend the morning of her visit running like crazy, rushing to get one more thing done. BTDT.
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    the confusion to me,can be a sign that he isn't getting enough oxygen...that is a big problem...and I totally empathize that the rest of life has not slowed down to accomodate this illness...nuff...said just wishing you the best
    danceronice likes this.
  4. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    CCM, I'm relatively close to you. Most days I can't do anything, but I can lend a hand somehow on Fridays or Saturdays(although I'd have to switch off between you and friends/family with new babies). Grocery shopping, errand running...? Seriously. PM me.
    ChaChaMama and pygmalion like this.
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Wednesday, Thursday, Friday:

    Momentous stuff that I'm not sure yet if I want to share online. Some good, some limbo.

    Also going away picnic for the last standing member of my posse. A very emotional day. The food was a resounding success. I was informed that my "barbeque is barbeque worthy of Texas." This from a gun-totin, staunch Republican, lives-near-Southfork, dyed-in-the-wool, born-and-bred Texan who co-owns a BBQ catering business. And management repeatedly INSIST that I give them my receipts, so they can reimburse me for the cost of lunch. According to them, today's event was "beautiful." I guess I done good. :)

    Also many, many, overwhelmingly many affirming praises from people I respect and care about. My parties, it seems, build community. I am, for once, at a loss for words. I am so thankful to be here right now. But I will miss my posse. So. Much. I know. I still know them all and we'll always be friends. But it will never be the same. I'll have another posse. But it will never be the same as this unique combination of beautiful women. I love my girls.

    Also DS's father and I wrangle over DS's class selections for next year. Endlessly. I want DS to have a doable course load that he enjoys while he's challenged. The ex wants DS to have a course load that makes him attractive to universities. At the end of the day, I have to concede that the ex's strategy for next year (while deficient in many respects) is pretty good. DS in pre-AP English, AP World History and pre-AP chemistry, with Principles of Engineering as an elective. Sociology and psychology as electives. DS has been interested in civil engineering since he was about three. He's been insightful thinker forever. So this is probably a good time for him to be exposed to science, engineering, and psychology. But that's a tough course load for a kid with ADHD, for whom it takes twice as long to get everything done well. All the same courses without an AP attached might, IMO, be a better choice. The ex won't be the one up in the middle of the night, typing papers one page at a time, while DS writes the text and stresses out about trying to achieve. Ex has no clue of what it is to parent a child in K-12, these days. *shrug*
    DS wants psychology and sociology, and pre-AP World History. Everything else is up for grabs. Thank goodness this conversation has to end by the 14th. The paperwork must be turned in next Friday.

    Other stuff. I'm tired now. I'll share more later, if I remember.
  6. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    I'm want to get back to my husband's situation in a minute, but we've just hit on one of "my" topics.

    @Pygmalion--I have some question marks about that as a schedule. I know the last thing you probably want is a FOURTH opinion in the mix, since you already have your son (and it is HIS schedule), your ex, and you battling it out, but for what it is worth, here is my opinion as someone who has sat on the Admissions and Standards Committee at my college and read up on admissions at other schools.

    #1--No foreign language? Unless your son's disability precludes foreign language study, I would like to see that in the mix. I feel like second language study is an expectation for college bound kids. Also, you live in Texas and are considering schools in Florida. Spanish is useful.

    #2--Why AP English as a 10th grader? Last I heard, there are now TWO AP English courses--AP Language and Composition and AP Literature and Composition...but you don't need to do both, esp if you are going into a STEM field. Why not save it until later and maximize the odds of getting a 4 or a 5 on the AP exam? I assume that for most students, writing fluency improves with each year of schooling.


    I obviously have no idea what the set-up is like at his school, but I would be more inclined to do something like this:

    Honors 10th grade English (if there is such a thing).
    Foreign language at whatever level is appropriate--preferably Spanish
    pre-AP Chem
    Principles of Engineering
    pre-AP World History, if schedule system allows 5 academic courses not to be ridiculous.0

    While Psychology and Sociology sound interesting, are all these classes going on at once? I think that's going to be too much reading. (And I think you know I am a voracious reader, read 60+ books each of the last two years, etc.) Why not something like band or choir or art?
  7. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    CCM: Despite this being pot paging kettle, I would really take your husband in. Confusion is just never good. I'm sure I'm probably nowhere near you, but if I were I'd be glad to do some cooking or something to free up some time for you--please, if someone offers you help who's nearby, take them up on it. It will do wonders for your stress.

    Pygmalion: Now, THAT is a compliment! You must make great BBQ.

    Yesterday: Woke up with the weirdest hives I've ever had. (I'm kind of an expert.) Primarily on my elbows. Got small itches elsewhere. My arms had itched a bit at work Thursday night but I didn't think much of it. Took a Benadryl, walked dogs, washed all my bedding and PJs, went to my lesson generally feeling better. Got to work, and the itching started to come back and got worse through the night despite taking another Benadryl before bed. Itching woke me up this morning. I'm on two more Benadryl now, which is killing the hives, but this is driving me crazy. It can't be the dog; he's been here since Saturday and I don't react to dogs (or Frontline, the only chemical he's on.) I haven't changed soaps or detergent. I haven't eaten anything new (and anyway with me hives seem to usually be related to inhalant reactions like mold.) The only thing I can think of is since it started after working Thursday night and flared after a long, stressful Friday is that either there is something in our uniforms that's new, or there is something at work I'm getting exposed to. I work oven, and it's a wood-burning brick oven. It's possible its' this batch of orchard wood, mold GROWING on the wood, and I'm smelling the damp-rotten smell in the basement (we had a massive gray-water pipe break a while back and some of the wood got wet, this might be the batch that was under it*) and all of our dry storage, walk-in, prep kitchen and change room are in the basement. I have to take foster dog to an adoption event today but I think on the way back instead of going to work, I'll drop him off at home and go to the ER/urgent care and call in to work from there. (And at least if it comes back while at the event 1. I believe the people at TSC would actually call 911 for me, and 2. the rescue owner could take care of the dog.) This cannot keep going on.

    *Yes, we stayed open, despite having no running water to most of the upstairs sinks all night and to ANY of them for a few hours with wastewater leaking all over the basement including seeping into the walk-in. Yes, this is fantastically illegal. I'm told they also opened last year despite having no electricity and cooked on the gas stoves and in the oven while the salad boy held an electric lantern over their shoulders. Between this, stuff like never replacing the soap at the line sink because the dispenser was hard to open, and the chronic leaving of food out (yes, we on the line have objected to a LOT of these things, and our dishwasher, who took an OSHA course as part of his probation and yes, he's fine to work with, has complained) I'm amazed we haven't killed anyone. And I'm fully expecting to get fired for not showing up on a Saturday, even for going to the hospital.
  8. ChaChaMama

    ChaChaMama Well-Known Member

    @Peaches--That is an incredibly generous offer, and I thank you for it. I do not think I will need to avail myself of it at this time, but if the situation deteriorates from here (please God, no), I may take you up on that. Thank you.

    Things that make the current situation confusing:
    1) THE ILLNESS IS INCONSISTENT. Husband often feels reasonably okay during the day and has sometimes felt like he is on the mend. HE WENT TO THE GYM on Tuesday! He did a light workout, but even so...he clearly thought he was turning the corner. He felt up to taking Child to Michaels' Arts and Crafts on Thursday after school and also assembled the IKEA sofa. Then Thursday night he was a mess: fever, swollen gland*, needing the rescue inhaler. I think you are right, fascination: the breathing and the mental confusion are probably linked.

    So...did he just overdo it on Thursday? Is that what we should conclude? But how come he has a new symptom NOW???? He didn't have a fever for the first 108 days of this illness. Then on Day 109, he spikes a temperature?

    *Btw, he had told the specialist he thought one of his glands was a little swollen, but the specialist said that will happen when your sinuses are like this and didn't seem to think this was a big deal. Really?

    2) HE ISN'T NECESSARILY ON BOARD FOR ANOTHER DOCTOR. He has been to the doctor...a lot. He has gone to his GP I think six times, and to the specialist twice. He has been prescribed a lot of meds. And he is better-ish during the day, insofar as he is coughing less, and, at times, his energy level seems better. And at times he feels really run down. I would like him to go to an immunologist, but he hasn't seemed on board with another doctor. His specialist thinks the nasal passage thing is the deal, and that we have to wait a few months and see if surgery is merited...and that's it. He knows that I find this disappointing because I want him to get better sooner, but feels like that's the medical advice he's getting and maybe we just need to be patient. (I'll be honest: probably not my strong suit.)

    3) THE HELP I REALLY NEED IS HELP I'M ONLY GOING TO ASK FOR IF I REALLY HAVE TO. The help I really need is a neighbor I can ask to come over and sleep at my house if I feel like I have to take Husband to the ER in the middle of the night...because that's when he tends to feel his sickest. It is true that there are students at the college who are night owls...maybe I *should* try to have someone on stand-by status. And my sister lives an hour away and would help out. It's just the hour of the night that makes it so hard to think of calling someone. Alternatively, I could wake Child up and take her, and obviously she would come. But this is really why I hesitated to take him on the couple of occasions where I thought it might be merited. That and his sense that they aren't really going to be able to do anything for him, and that he just is going to be sick for awhile longer.

    Today is Day 111. And he really isn't feeling great. Child is going to go to my parents for the weekend, assuming that the roads in NJ are safe to travel on. (I'm going to call them in a few minutes for an update.) A few days ago, when he was feeling better, the plan was he would go to the gala and then go on to see me in the show. Now...I'm guessing probably not.
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member actually can be the dog...I have cats, I am allergic to cats, but the only time I have a respiratory reaction to them is on days when I vacuum and clean the floors, and therefore send all that dander into the floating air...same with itchy eyes...and fine unless I touch my eyes immediately after petting the girl cat...they look identical but her hare is finer and she has more dander
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    and regarding P's issue...I add my vote to CCM's perspective on it...and I would add that I think it better to drop the AP and let him do his own typing, because you won't be there in college and if he cannot navigate it on his own by then, he will be in some trouble....better that he try to problem solve that on his own now...obviously you know best, but again, you won't be there sooner than he can imagine
    pygmalion likes this.
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    ccm...can you ask a physician for a nebulizer machine...? this saved us many many trips to the ER...and solved legitimate and scarey breathing issues...
  12. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    your cat owns a rabbit??;)

    sorry couldnt resist:cool:
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    ccm Please know that I say this with love and as the only person I know of in this conversation who's been a patient in an ER in the past year. Please make a back-up plan now. Emergencies happen in an instant.

    I respect that you know your limits and where you need/don't need help. Still. Make a plan, for ccc, if no one else. I remember how horrible it was to have to call my GF with the same name from the emergency room and ask her to meet DS at school. It was horrible.
    danceronice likes this.
  14. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    CCMM, your DH absolutely needs to get a second or even third opinion. Let's not delve into my personal DH and DS life experiences - but it TOOK YEARS for DH to be healthy and going again.
    Sinus issues can last for years, becoming dormant as if they've gone away, yet the infection has found a home in the sinus tissue only to be re-activated with a wind, or exposure, or dust, or really anything and here you go again, another round of meds, fever, not well, no strength, sleeping, ect ect. An allergist that specializes in sinus issues is a good bet to visit. Surgery does not solve everything and it is not the Silver Bullet,( too long to explain but lots of experience). Also, did you have your home tested for any type of mold and hidden mold.
    Breathing treatments with a home nubulizer are excellent for opening up the lungs and bronchia passages. Many physicians can prescribe one for at least 30 days. One medication will open up the airways,,,and another packet of a different sort is when a person feels they are having difficult breathing of sorts.
    BTW, as much as we are natural caretakers in some respects, it's ok to say "no"...if you don't take care of yourself, who will take care of you when you need it and your overloaded circuit board burns out? Just a few expressive thoughts.

    Yesterday, text and calls from DS and DH,,,at the NASCAR Induction Dinner - "This is EPIC mom - your the best mom ever"...."Honey, words cannot describe how I feel about this great Xmas Present you gave me,,,AWESOME would be one"...
    YES! Everyone should have a bonding weekend with their adult child...that they can share for generations to come.
    Double Lesson with Pro. The studio is freezing cold...I dance with my jacket on the entire time watching it hail outside.
    Home and clean the house. Stack a ton of paperwork I have to go through.
    Notified the hill is now open, search for looney ex-cop is still proceeding.
    Settle in after going to Trader Joe's and stocking up on really great new items that are organically good for me.
    Cold rain continues...and somehow,,,seems much needed for our yards.
    Final phone call from DH after they get back to hotel room from the NASCAR ceremonies.
    He's happier than a lark! This is good. And a great way to end the evening.
    pygmalion likes this.
  15. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    I don't know what they are waiting on... I know from experience that it will not get better until surgery is done. If they're waiting for all of the infections to clear up, that isn't going to happen. Bomb it with antibiotics and go in.
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    All: I wasn't clear about DS's schedule. I only outlined the parts that are in dispute. In tenth grade, he's required to be in school for eight class periods. (In 11th and 12th, he can be released early to work, etc.)

    Four core classes are required for all four years of high school (remedial, on-level, or pre-AP/AP are available for all)


    Depending on which "track" he's on, two, three or four years of a foreign language are required. This means that all 10th graders have to take a foreign language. DS can take Spanish, French, ASL, Chinese. He has chosen French, probably because his Dad and I both took French and because we know a ton of people from French-speaking African countries. Will it be useful? Probably not, but you never know.

    Everything else is elective. DS's school offers some electives (such as Engineering) as full-year courses. Some others, such as Sociology and Psychology, are half year "survey" courses.

    Right now, here's what his schedule looks like:

    English 2 (level in dispute)
    Geometry (level in dispute)
    Chemistry (level in dispute)
    AP World History
    French 2
    Elective 1: Psychology/Sociology (half year each) (But I think he should do Speech and Teen Leadership instead)
    Elective 2: Probably Digital Graphics and Animation
    Elective 3: Likely Principles of Engineering (But DS is not thrilled with the course load, which is heavy)

    In short, between the three of us, we agree on two out of eight classes. We've had the paperwork for a week. We have five days to go. DS and both parents have to sign off on any decisions. It's going to be a tough week.
  17. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    friday..dh arrives home from Boston at sleep having been greatly compromised waiting and worrying about that...teach a hard core bike and bench class, tan, and grocery store, chat with a friend...honest to goodness in bed by 6:30 til 7:30 this morning
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I have a GF with sinus issues who has had two sinus surgeries in the four years I've known her. From her description, the doctors basically had to scrape out the infected tissue, but (obviously) there's no guarantee that the surgery's results will be permanent. Two surgeries in four years. Awful stuff. *shudder*
  19. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    You have some really annoying coworkers. Just sayin.

    Unless I'm mistaken, House of Cards is an American-flavored remake of a TRULY STELLAR trilogy of mini-series that was on Masterpiece Theater 20-ish years ago. If so, and if the American production even begins to capture the spirit of that show, it's gonna be good. (I think Kevin Spacey is a great choice for the lead role, btw.)

    I used to work with a lady who was PROUD that she battled with the local school district to get a certain book removed from the high school library. According to her, the book was "un-Christian." I was appalled. IMV, books that high schoolers read can and should be disturbing sometimes. Otherwise, our kids grow up to be clones of us. Not good.
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    It is so valuable to have your and ccm's (and others') perspectives on this. I appreciate all of your input.

    I think that we may have reached a tentative agreement. Two AP or pre-AP classes of DS's choice. AP Geography is already decided since we all agree. I think DS should go with geometry for the second (He's always been great at logic. Computation, not so much.) Ex thinks he should go with chemistry (Of course! Ex is a world class chemist. lol) DS gets to decide. But there shall be two AP classes. No more. More = crazy making. Less = weeding himself out of the possibility of future classes that have these as prerequisites.

    Third elective: Principles of Engineering or Computer Science. DS gets to choose. Both are off campus, which is a whole 'nother ball of wax. But he gets to choose. Either way, he wins. He's interested in both as possible career paths. So it will be good for him to find out now whether either one is interesting enough for him to pursue it, long-term.

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