Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by fascination, May 10, 2009.
lol umm err they have a daughter....
moving right along, before I have to post in the "ever been fired" thread....
regarding expenses, we have a child at northwestern (who also poses an immanent expensive wedding threat), a child in law school, and a grandchild.....so, I have other considerations....(this doesn't even come close to encompassing the various other expenses that loom large upon the horizon...including some house repairs)...and the ballroom expense is cumulative...I have been doing this for 8 years now at a fairly respectable clip...so, it is time to be somewhat more prudent
LLMMAOOOOOOOo never happen hes lucky to have you!!
if it wasnt for those darn kids..
channeling scooby doo villians here
no offense, but your opinion on that matter is not so relevant (ie. I am not so confident that he would agree with you )
true...still ...it won't be my fellow dancers who pick my nursing home or come to visit me there...so I think I had better exercise some common sense
having said that...thank you for the compliment...
wed....teach 8 and 9 step classes...tan, shop, clean house, feed animals, teach 2 evening classes....bed
doing today now...as the pillow calls....teach three classes...home to food and nap...laundry, dishes, pet care, back to gym but 4th class was cancelled, drop birthday gift off to friend and visit...home to food....soak in tub....pretty much done for
8--At work, xeroxing stuff, in preparation for...
9-2:30--RAN FIRST YEAR SEMINAR FACULTY MEETING-TRAINING!
The session went well and I am SO happy (and relieved it is over).
9-9:30--Review of key dates in advising process and new student orientation.
9:30-9:45--What's new in 2013.
9:45-10:15--Explanation of new approach to flex sessions/College 101 type stuff.
10:30-11:30--Brainstorming to prepare formal document of learning outcomes for FYS.
11:30-12--Long term vision.
12:30-1--Advice to advisors.
1-2--Strategies for dealing with students in distress.
2-2:30--Title IX briefing.
Clean up, then home.
Read a little, but very tired.
Read to self (Dance With Me).
Read with Child (The Last Apprentice: Rise of the Huntress).
Wrote in diary.
After 6 years of , do we, don't we, ahhhhh dance lessons, coachings, comps,,,I sucked it up,,,cut down on everything - and now? WELLA! a kitchen! yep, while not a "brand" new - we resurfaced, new hardware, new soft close hardware (OH HOW I LOVE THEE), New Doors in Cherry Wood Grain with brushed nickel handles, Pull Out Lower Cabinets, New One Piece Counter-StileStone (got rid of the ceramic tile with grout) with a custom undermount sink and a most beautiful glass and stone backsplash! Three Days, yep, three days it took,,,,and now, after wiping everthing down from the dust, mopping floors, we are out of our first new kitchen in 1989 updated to 2013!!!! YIPPEEEEE,,,,,Husband is incredibly happy yesterday,,,I'm exhausted but pleasantly pleased,,,,and Pro's wife,,,? well, she's lookin at him and sayin....cabinets that work would be wonderful in our kitchen! HA!! Ok, so I'm a little over the top about the finishing off of this job yesterday.
Dishes, dust, mopping, cleaning, made DH, sit and go through everything expired or not.
Picked up, put away and changed some locations around.
Made plans to knock out front door entry way pony wall and extend hardwood floor.
We started looking at pool remodeling.
DH has long talk with me, he inititates,,,,,"not looking for THE HOUSE for retirement anymore, it's about quality of life and if we stay here, great - we can always rent a house somewhere and give it back, my heart event was way too close for any kind of comfort,,,and while I always knew what was important to me, to us, this provided a direct spotlighted focus on what's important and it's not about "things" it's about quality of everyday life"...
ahhhhh, DH,,,,kissed his head, held his hand, went for a small walk.
Ran into all kinds of neighbors, dogs, a pack of squirrels....and spied the darn skunk that has been hanging out in neighborhood.
Aunts arrive from New Jersey, Father and step mom arrive, we laugh, talk, share stories and simply enjoy the day.
Aunts pick my roses and some herbs from the garden.
Step mom expresses disappointment over no artichokes yet, which she loves and always gets from me. ahhhhhh. hug.
We all pack for Lake Havasu, taking employees on annual long weekend water skiing trip. But really, they all end up inner-tubing all weekend.
Looking forward to getting out of here and floating on the Colorado River, Pulling Skiiers, Inner Tubing with the employees and their kids, bar-b-que at night, smore's....and the fulfilled promise that NO ONE is letting DH do a thing, at all...he is to sit, relax, stroll and enjoy. YES!!!! I love our employees...
This is gonna be a great holiday weekend...and safe travels to all!
***Fascination, I take it you found the book, but just in case, it is by Julia Ericksen and is titled Dance with Me: Ballroom Dancing and the Promise of Instant Intimacy (NYU P, 2011). There are chapters on many topics we discuss on DF: the economics of ballroom, relationships between teachers and students, grooming/costuming/weight, gender roles in ballroom.
The intimacy alluded to in the title refers both to physical intimacy (because dance involves close contact between bodies) but also to emotional intimacy in all of its forms. Part of the argument here is that what people pay for when they pay for dance lessons is in part that feeling of being cared about and having attention focused upon one (the teacher cares about me), and forming that personal connection with the teacher (the teacher trusts me and values the fact that I care about him/her). On a broader level, people also derive pleasure from being intimately involved in the glamorous world of dance (e.g., people's pride in familiarity with the names of top dancers, the prestige of particular comps, insider knowledge of all kinds).
Here is the section where your pro comes up:
"To attract teachers such as Mark, competitions award top teacher prizes to those who dance the most heats. For the DanceSport Series, a set of seventy competitions nationwide, teachers accumulate points from those they have attended. The teacher with the most points wins top teaher of the year. Students also accumulate points for participating in the DanceSport Series. The Ohio Star Ball hosts a dance-off for those with the most points, thus encouraging teachers and students to attend many competitions. The same teachers win top teacher awards repeteadly. In 2008, the top teacher of the year was Rauno Ilo. Born in Estonia, Rauno immigrated to the United States with his wife and ballroom dance partner, Kriistina. They competed successfully in the United States but did not reach the top, and when they retired, they opened a dance school in Indianapolis. While Kriistina stays home to run the studio, teach, and raise the couple's two children, Rauno spends many weekends across the country competing with students. At one competition, the 2009 United States Dance Championships (USDC), Rauno won the prize for top teacher overall and also won top teacher in each of the four styles. Since this is one of the most important competitions, prize money is generous. In addition to the fees his students paid to dance with him, Rauno's prize money for this one competition totaled $23,500.
Sometimes, a teacher and a particular student become recognized as a couple who regularly compete. For example, Alain Doucet and his student Beverly Moore win every event they enter together in the ladies C age category, a scholarship category for students age fifty-one and older. In a 2009 interview, Doucet reported that they intended to enter nineteen competitions in 2010. Each time they compete, they do so in three styles in open gold and in the open scholarships. Their picture can be seen in color plate 8. This is an ideal many teachers aspire to; however, there are a limited number of students with the means or desire to compete so much.
Men such as Rauno and Alain are at the top of the heap in pro/am circles; they raise the level of any competition they attend by bringing many students or by dancing with a student who is better than some professionals" (73-4).
oh...okay then...well, given that I was there in 2009, and it was a good year ....I resemble that ...thanks, I planned on ordering it but haven't been able to do so yet...I will say however, that as fortunate as I feel to dance with as talented a teacher as he is, there is a trade off in terms of stress...and I personally suffer no delusions of being special to him or to the dance world, nor are either of those things my goal....I just want to be a good dancer and I think he is my best opportunity for that ...
See, what the book was saying did resonate with me.
The book is not claiming that people take dance lessons solely to purchase intimacy; obviously, people purchase dance lessons because they want to dance. But if the argument is that people aren't just purchasing dance, but purchasing a relationship, and that they care about whether the teacher likes/respects/enjoys having them as a student --guilty.
I did not choose to compete pro-am and then find an appropriate instructor. I chose to dance pro-am BECAUSE an amateur dancer whose dancing really spoke to me turned pro and I wanted the opportunity to learn from and compete with him per se. I would be lying if I said that I am indifferent to whether he values me as a student/human being or not. It is not the same kind of relationship that I have with, say, my dentist or my gynecologist, where she provides a service that I need, but there is no desire for any kind of personal relationship. (Indeed, I feel slightly uncomfortable when I run into my gynecologist socially and definitely do not seek out her company. And while I guess I do prefer to see her over other gynecologists because she delivered my baby, it's not what I'd call a huge preference/loyalty. And I feel even less loyalty to my dentist. I hope I am just another mouth to her.)
Spent most of the day reading Dance with Me (which I finished) and getting stuff done around the house.
Later in the day:
-Tried to deal with some arrangements for this November lecture I am tasked with planning.
-Started reading a new book, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Americanah.
-Read with Child for about an hour and a half.
(Yes, a lot of reading in this day. I turned my ankle on Monday, as you may remember, so I'm trying to stay off it, contrary to my instincts and inclinations.)
7--Reported to work in academic regalia.
Home. Wrote in diary. Bed.
don't get me wrong....I think your impulse and experience is the best and proper one...and I agree that, absent other circumstances, that is what most of us want.....I just got burned the first time and, in the second case, it really isn't an option even if I was open to it....but there are merits to knowing where you stand...it isn't ideal...but I wouldn't know where to find that...at least not in indiana, so I choose skill and a good work ethic....shrug...
I also totally agree with you that, most of us are more satisfied when we have those sorts of relationships ...whether it be with our pro or our fitness instructor, etc...I see it all the time at the gym...I have a following because I cultivate it...I cultivate it by caring about the members of my classes...it is good for me not only professionally but personally, and it is good for them...ultimately though, I set the tone as the professional, and if it isn't there I had better be really good, or they will probably not stay...still, it is my choice....I am a pretty relational person....but I accept that not everyone is...
yesterday...teach bike and bench....great class...drive to Kohler Wisconsin...dh drives while I read training manuals for the trainings I will be conducting in July for new instructors....we check into our room which is....impressive...we are in the carriage house, which is newly renovated and houses the spa....we have a charming room with luxurious bathroom (courtesy of the Kohler family) including tub for 4 and a waterfall shower...also a fireplace, a two room suite and a glorious bed.....we have a fabulous dinner (healthy thai wrap ...and a few cheese curds ) and then the first of two scheduled 80 minute deep tissue massages plus a sauna and whirlpool....sleep like babies
doing today now as it has been full and I anticipate collapsing into a foam at the end of the night...
up...luxuriate in bed for an indefinate period of time
work out an hour on elliptical..@5 miles
dh and I walk the shopping village and I check out the yoga schedule...we pick up items from the grocery for a ritzy indoor picnic (see food journal)
dh goes to golf lesson, I futz around on df and fb, and read more of my Parker Palmer book on democracy which I have been meaning to finish for ages and which I love...also sit in huge whirlpool in the room and take an excellent nap.....
buy father's day presents at golf shop and things for grandbaby
lovely dinner at the golf course (crab cakes, one beef medallion, b/c 2 was too many, carrots and green beans and a square of potatoes au gratin)...neither of us has any idea where dessert would go...but dh picks up a chocolate covered strawberry on the way back to the room..
we are currently resting up to walk to the cigar bar because it is only open tonight...I am only doing this b/c I am a good wife...as all of this relaxation has exhausted me...we agree to be in bed by 10
Read quite a bit of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Americanah. It is excellent.
1:30--Reported to work for graduation. Almost left my cap in the bathroom and had to run back for it!
2-4:50--COMMENCEMENT! Longest one for my school on record. Three honorary degree recipients, one of whom gave a long, rambling speech. The other two were Judy Woodruff and Al Hunt. Turns out one of their sons, Jeffrey, lives in Target Community housing (for people with developmental disabilities; this organization has a special relationship with the college) and works in the fitness center at the college!
The person sitting next to me's daughter was graduating, and she got to hand her daughter her diploma and get a photo with her up on stage. Nice. (Though that being said, I would prefer ChaChaChild stretch her wings and go somewhere else.) Professor kids aside, there were actually a significant number of people who work at the college with kids graduating, including some who work for housekeeping or are secretaries...because tuition is free for employees. It is a hugely valuable benefit. I find it enormously heartwarming. Upward mobility in action.
Oh! And someone whose Senior Sem I supervised got the college's biggest writing prize for that Senior Seminar! So that was a highlight.
But the ceremony was still too dang long. (Did I mention we sit on stage, and have to pretend to be well-behaved? Did I mention someone sitting two seats over from me started to have an asthma attack and had forgotten to bring an inhaler, and had to figure out how to get off the stage without disrupting the ceremony? It was that kind of day.)
6ish--Back on campus for the famous end of the year party. I managed to get into a convo with the president where at first I planned not to talk shop, and just asked him if he was going to get in a real summer vacation (yes, Ireland) and he asked me the same back (yes, planning San Diego). Then I decided the heck with it, and floated a couple long-term ideas I have for the first-year sem program and he was very receptive and supportive!!!!
The faculty kids at said party were playing, and eventually there became a game of "Chase ChaChaChild." To be clear: not chase in general; specifically chase my kid. She was sneaking around saying "I know this place like the back of my hand!" and wearing my leather jacket and sunglasses pretending to be a secret agent, and four kids chased after her, while two admiring younger girls were her back up spies.
She informed me post-party that I should invite all those people over sometime.
I told her I actually had been thinking about throwing a cookout for all my FYS faculty and families at the beginning of the school year, but that the dads of the kids she was playing with were not actually teaching in the program in 2013-14 and she said "So? Why does that matter?" Lol.
Put Child to bed. Fooled around on the computer and thought about how glad I was not to be at a graduation ceremony anymore! Then bed for me.
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