Your first dance teacher

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by chomsky, Aug 31, 2011.

  1. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    @fascination
    Why on earth am I in such a hurry to become an experienced dancer? Reading your posts always makes me so excited, I wish I could just blink and for all the years to have passed so that I could have gained the years of dancing experience. From your words I just feel that experience brings wisdom too!
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I think the best thing we can do with our mistakes is learn from them.....
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    which reminds me....this is one thing that I appreciate about the ircumstance I am in now...in my current ircumstance, I am able to voice a conern and actually see that it is heard and taken into account...I did not have that in my first cirumstance...but then, I think that is almost intrinsi to the "first" of anything
  4. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    I'm reviving this as it's back in my life again. It seems that dance will be in my life for the next 3 months, fingers crossed. However, my dance teacher won't be after that so, it's high time I let some steam off. I now know that dancing with only one person in your life will make you a bad dancer; you will never evolve, develop, mature. I guess, the same goes with dance teachers; if you only get to be with the same teacher you can only learn so much. You give yourself the opportunity to flourish only when you expose yourself to different personalities.
  5. ktia85

    ktia85 Member

    My teacher left after a year and a half. I was devastated when he did, it took me almost a month to get over it. I chose my new/current teacher and could not be any happier. I have learned so much with him. Change is often hard but more times than not works out for the best.
  6. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    couldn't agree with you more!!!
  7. scullystwin42

    scullystwin42 Active Member

    So here I thought I wouldn't be affected if either of my pros moved on, as I consider myself aware of the turnover that happens in ballroom studios...And I found out yesterday that one of them has moved to a different studio! He'd already been sharing time between my studio and the other, but now he's fully at the other one. And I am kinda bummed. His replacement is as competent, but I was very much looking forward to learning a new showcase with old pro and continuing to learn from him. I know i need to embrace the change, especially since this means i get to go back to doing a little more international with the new pro, but damn if I'm not feeling a little let down. Doesn't help that i had an emotionally taxing weekend and am running on two nights of poor sleep, so perhaps that's why I feel the loss a bit more. So i think this is just a vent post. nothing to see here, move along.
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    scully....you can shield yourself from some of the pain, once you know how things work in the ballroom world, and you can invest less emotionally...but not totally....my empathy....
  9. scullystwin42

    scullystwin42 Active Member

    Thanks, fasc...
  10. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    what if it hurts? so what? why shouldn' t it? All my life I get attached and then cannot bear the pain of the separation with my friends or family; so what? should I just repress my feelings, I wonder? Is it worth it? In my case, I asked my teacher to give me privates at a gym, there was no studio involvement. Perhaps this only applies in my case, however.
  11. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    I just loved the "move along" comment. Wow, it made me smile!
  12. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Some people are not so open. And as @fasc is suggesting, people who've been around the ballroom world long enough learn that student/teacher is primarily a business relationship, not a personal one. It's when we confuse one for the other that we get hurt.
  13. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    unless it does get personal; it does happen that people get romantically involved in a dance studio or in a classroom and even end up marrying irrespective of student/student, teacher/student, teacher/teacher relationship. In the same way, it does happen that people get to be close friends and nothing else. It only makes sense that this is a possiblity too. Am I wrong in assuming that dance partners am/am, pro/pro are also sometimes if not most of the times friends? Is it just business that keeps them together? I'm just a newbie and have only been around for 1 year and a half but please tell me if you think otherwise.
  14. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    Teachers aren't your partner. (And to be honest I know very few am/am pro/pro couples that married where it ended well. Friends, yes, it helps, but rarely do romances work out. In fact I'm struggling to come up with someone besides NP and his wife that I know personally who were both pro competitive partners and married successfully and I'm coming up with nothing, though I know OF a few others.) I know a VERY few teacher/student couples, and in at least one case she very specifically does NOT take lessons from or compete with her husband. Which isn't surprising as most studios either have an overt, explicit "no fraternizing" policy (I don't mean as rigid as NEVER SPEAK TO THEM IN PUBLIC OUTSIDE AN OFFICIAL STUDIO EVENT, just "No dating someone you personally teach") or at least unofficially discourage the practice because it's potentially messy and can cost the studio a lot of money and business if and when it goes south.
  15. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    What I meant to point out is that the student often takes for a mutual, personal relationship what is in fact mostly a business relationship for the teacher. And let's face it, if the teacher or student leaves the studio, for whatever reason, and the teacher does not make some effort to keep in touch with the student, there is exactly this kind of mismatch in perceptions.

    If the relationship is in fact mutual, no such painful separation will become a topic of discussion on this forum.
  16. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    my dear friends, it just pains me that I am unable to get my message across. I was making an entirely different point but I'm not explaining myself well and it's the first time in this forum. I am a newbie, have no experience and no such thing as fraternizing exists where I live. It is my own experience that a teacher can be your friend too, and I'm speaking both as a student of dance and as a teacher of something other than dance. That's just my personal opinion based on my personal experience. Sorry if I am a bit on the softy side.
  17. JANATHOME

    JANATHOME Well-Known Member

    I think I kind of get your post.

    I like my dance teacher very much, I like his personality and like the interaction we have with each other. I do care about him personaly and feel genuine joy for him when he and his pro partner succeed. I beleive he also receives joy in helping me to reach my goals. If the relationship was not there I would miss it... So sure when you interact with someone week after week in my mind it is silly to say a relationship does not exsist.

    However on the flip side, I never interact socially or any other way outside of the dance studio or competition with him. There is no romantic interaction and LOL, no desire for one!! I find the lack of any romantic feelings helps so that we can display passion on a comp floor with no fear that it will continue once the dance is over or be misunderstood. Yet, if I did not like him as a person it might be hard to bring that passion out of me. My husband also understands the relationship and what dance passion means, which helps! If I were to stop taking lessons with the pro, the relationship would be non exsistant, I am paying for this service, his time and that is where it starts and ends. But do I like him, sure! And have I felt the same with just about every other instructor both male and female that I have had relationships with, sure again.

    I find that even though you have some serious physical interaction with a pro it still feels like a safe haven to me. Relationships can develop further for some people I have seen this happen now and then, but by both choice and lack of desire, never will for me.

    The last 2 stuidos I have been at were owned by a married couple, both previous dance partnerships that turned into marriage.
  18. JANATHOME

    JANATHOME Well-Known Member

    I dont know that I am going to agree that a pro/am relationship is not a partnership. I guess we would have to put parternship into the proper context for dance.

    I do feel once we hit the comp floor the partnership exsists, if not sooner. The pro has done everything proir to prepare you and now you are dancing as a partenrship. In fact even at my silver scholorship events we are being judged as a partnership, not me alone as student. In fact I specifically recall at our first comp the pro reminding me and instructing me to view the relationship as a partnership.

    Just because you are paying to be taught does not mean that a partnership does not exsist, it just is one you purchased!
  19. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    @chomsky, your experience is what it is. What I am pointing out are the realities of student/teacher relationships in the dance world. You may very well have a personal relationship with your teacher. But if the teacher is not as "devastated" by the ending of a student/teacher relationship as the student is, it is clearly not a symmetrical relationship. And this asymmetry is evidenced quite often enough for my cautions to be justified.
  20. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    @janathome, thanks for sharing something as personal as that. I guess you put in words what I was trying to say. I'm in exactly the same incumstance as you with the only difference that no pro/am exists in Greece and anyway it wouldn't be for someone like me. I guess I am lucky to get attached with persons around me, this is who I am and I'm happy when I see I'm not the only one out there, not romantically attached thank god!
    @toothlesstiger I see your point much better now. I am sure you are right and 95% of the dance world would agree with you. Afterall, teaching is just a job like any other. I'm just proclaiming there is a more sentimental side to it because I do miss some of my students and think about them years after I stopped teaching them but once again I was far from being romantically involved. My husband as a teacher would agree more with you, however. I'm a bit weird but then again that's who I am and I wouldn't change it, or shouldn't want to change it.

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