Anyone here shy and/or reserved?

#21
With me, I am dancer BECAUSE I am shy. I can't communicate well verbally so I communicate my feelings and emotion through dance.

I think also I am a extremely introverted person and I keep a lot of things inside. I even suspect that I suffer from mild depression from time to time. I just have all these emotions inside eating me from the inside out. Sometimes I am zooming out on life and I cry a lot for no reason except being extremely unhappy despite my extremely blessed circumstances.

To me I have soooo much bottled up inside like yesterday I was almost bursting out crying again. But instead I put on this beautiful foxtrot music and play it over and over while just dance my emotion out, expelling my frustration through my body.

I was dancing with this man once. He's a good dancer and a good friend really nothing more .... We were doing the infamous rumba and we were really getting into it. I was on one of my emotionally loaded days .... so I was really dancing through my body connecting to his body through the space between us. The connection was just amazing and I can feel his movement though the tip of his fingers. At the end of the dance he was just staring at me and swallowed hard. Put it this way, I can't flirt with men, I can't even ask men to dance without blushing hard. But when I dance sometimes, I feel like I am someone else. It wasn't flirting ... but it was so intimate ....

Oh, and I feel beautiful when I dance, I have this certain glow on my face and lot more confidence than in real life.

I believe if I do not dance, I would be having serious problem.

dancingirldancing, this is one of the most touching things that I have ever read in Dance Forums. It is amazing how you can feel like almost a wholly different person when you dance. This meant a lot to me, what you wrote here...
 
#22
Like so many people here, I am also naturally shy and reserved. The shyness I've had to address through work (doing presentations etc.) But that doesn't address the reserved part of my personality (i.e letting go a bit more and going with the flow). I started ballroom and latin lessons because I thought that it would help me express myself more. I really wouldn't have learnt latin at all except that it sort of came with the package (i.e. once you start learning one discipline you tend to find yourself learning the other).

The thing that has surprised me about latin is how disciplined it is. Even hip movement can initially be achieved through applying a 'join the dots' technique. That suits me fine. It is a sort of halfway house - i.e. an assisted way of learning to express oneself.

So the idea of being told to just move my feet to the beats/music sounds horrifying to me. Maybe one day I'll be there, but not yet.
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
#23
And I too fit into the shyness category, but this isn't the reason I got into dancing. I did so because it just looked like fun. However, it did remind me that one does not need to be outgoing and assertive to enjoy dancing and everyone comes together as one out on the dance floor.
 
#25
I have had somewhat of an opposite or simply different issue. I am not shy nor reserved and generally haved loved to perform. (I've even hammed it up a few times in showcases.) I wanted to become much better technically. To not just merely be entertaining but to be respected for the mechanics of what I was doing.

Using an analogy, it's like being a "personality" versus being an "actor". I would get compliments on my showcases (at least this is my theory) for their attractive packaging and "production values". But I made it a goal at some point to also try to make them more fundamentally sound in the way of technique.
 
#29
I am shy and an introvert myself. Personally, I don't think people can completely change who they are. We can learn to adopt behaviors to cope with our shyness, but probably will never make ourselves outgoing. Take me for example, learning to dance in and of itself didn't help me very much. But picking a dance that I like and becoming very good at it helped me gain confidence. Now I don't have much of a problem asking a lady for a dance in a salsa club. However, when I start to learn a new dance I revert back to my shyness, but not to the same extent though. I am starting lindy hop now and I have a lot of reservations when asking a lady to dance at a swing club. I don't know why. Maybe I fail to learn something from salsa, who knows. But here are some points that I try to keep in mind and I'm just throwing them out there so maybe it'll help some by thinking about them.
- Why do we have to be someone that we are not? Only western cultures prizes extrovertness. So, if we are not that does that mean there is something wrong with us?
- Take a look at the reasons why you are best friend with your best friend. And ask yourself if you are your own best friend. If not, then why not? (from Dr.Phil)
- Believe in yourself, because no one else will.
- Shyness has a side-effect with respect to your other character traits and how other people treat you. For example, people won't depend or call on you to do certain things or to get certain things done. You're excluded from some activities you might like., etc.

how did I get off on such a tanget.
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
#30
I don't think there is anything wrong with being introverted either, but I find I'm looked down upon for it a lot. People PICK at you when you're that way. For example a couple months ago I was work, getting on an elevator with two maintenance guys or whatever and they said hello and I smiled politely. I thought this was perfectly harmless. One guy turned to the other and said: "She doesn't say much. She is unusual." I was humiliated.
 

danceronice

Well-Known Member
#31
Heh. People think I'm introverted and are surprised when I'm not. I'm not introverted, I'm just lazy. Being super-social takes effort and I tend to not fight inertia unless I have to. (Once you get me talking, though....)

I think the reason introverts get excluded or picked on is it can, often, come across as snobby. People think that you don't WANT to talk to them if you don't say hello and try to avoid chatting. And for men, being super-introverted is just a bit...well, for me, anyway, it's off-putting. Implies a lack of confidence and a lack of confidence is Not Sexy. But men are in a bind there, too, as being TOO confident can seem like aggression or arrogance.
 
#34
I think the reason introverts get excluded or picked on is it can, often, come across as snobby. People think that you don't WANT to talk to them if you don't say hello and try to avoid chatting.
I've been told a lot that I come off as snobby for said reason. But honestly, sometimes I don't want to talk to people, especially if I can't contribute anything worthwhile to the conversation, or if the conversation itself isn't of interest.
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
#35
I've been told a lot that I come off as snobby for said reason. But honestly, sometimes I don't want to talk to people, especially if I can't contribute anything worthwhile to the conversation, or if the conversation itself isn't of interest.
Exactly my logic... but in a way, being disinterested in them and their conversations is what makes me unfriendly or snobbish..
 
#36
Exactly my logic... but in a way, being disinterested in them and their conversations is what makes me unfriendly or snobbish..
I don't know if that's necessarily true. Being uninterested because you don't think the people themselves are worthwhile I think is snobbish, but if it's the conversation isn't interesting, that's not snobby... For example, if people are talking about a TV show that you don't watch, that you know you're not going to watch, how do you join that conversation? And why would you want to?
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
#39
I don't know if that's necessarily true. Being uninterested because you don't think the people themselves are worthwhile I think is snobbish, but if it's the conversation isn't interesting, that's not snobby... For example, if people are talking about a TV show that you don't watch, that you know you're not going to watch, how do you join that conversation? And why would you want to?
I think that if I were to really make the effort I could always come up with something to say. "I have never seen that show, what's it about?" I started watching Grey's Anatomy because I wanted to be able to talk to people in the break room.... I am often afraid of saying the wrong thing, so don't often talk. But I could find something to start a conversation about if one is going on that I have nothing to add to.. After a while, I think when the amount of time I don't socialize far outweighs the amount of time I do, people notice and assume I don't care to make an effort, or I'm a snob, I'm too good to associate with them. And I think you get that much more often when you're a pretty girl, I wouldn't know.
 

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