Awkwardness after someone asked for my phone number?

vit

Active Member
#21
No, I never look straight in the eyes more that several seconds continuously in social dancing as I like moving much; a month ago a girl I was dancing salsa with actually had objection that I didn't have enough eye contact with her (never happened before, but I just didn't feel necessary to have more eye contact with her)

But in competitive latin (back then), we almost didn't look in the eyes at all. For instance, when starting cha cha or rumba with the basic step, we were actually looking over the top of the head of the partner
 

dlliba10

Well-Known Member
#22
Also if you're dancing competitively what looks like eye contact often isn't. One trick I learned in theater is because staring is profoundly unnerving (as I've explained elsewhere, in primates and indeed most mammals with binocular vision a direct stare is an overt threat and with other great apes can get you violently attacked) you look at the point between your partner's eyes. To the audience, it looks like eye contact, but it spares you both the discomfort of actually staring at each other. Generally though I'm moving enough I get brief eye contact for visual leads but even in Latin I'm generally not in a position to be making direct eye contact.
Direct eye contact used sparingly in certain situations can be a whole lot of fun, though. It's my favorite trick to connect with the audience after a cool move, for example. Maybe even a little wink. Then again, I'm a histrionic ham.
 

DL

Well-Known Member
#23
Doesn't matter. Never, ever look someone straight in the eyes for an extended period if you don't know them really well. It's a thousand times worse in social dance because there isn't the established reason for it (creating the illusion of intimacy needed for the 'show' aspect of competition.) It's really awkward in Standard/Smooth social especially where if you're in the correct dance position being able to see each other's eyes is impossible and clearly forced if someone's trying to stare at you. It's really, really disconcerting.
There are cozy/informal (I daresay "social", even) ways of dancing standard properly and well, that don't use big looking-away-from-each-other holds. Not that I ever seriously pursued smooth, but my impression is that there are plenty of opportunities for eye contact particularly when the partners are separated.
 

dbk

Well-Known Member
#24
I'm new to dancing so I might not be used to this but he was continually staring into my eyes during the Latin dances and I found that very awkward and started looking in another direction instead. I know that there needs to be eye contact but is there an extent to how much eye contact is needed in Latin dancing? I'm trying to give more eye contact with my dance instructor as he said it is something that should be done in Latin and although I'm a lot more used to him because of the months he has instructed me; I cannot help but laugh whenever I look him in the eyes.
At a social dance, you do as much or as little eye contact as you are happy and comfortable with. That's it! You don't need to do things at socials that make you uncomfortable.

Eye contact with your pro or am partner in competition is important, because you are being judged on the character and emotion you express.

Regarding the guy... if he continues pursuing you, just tell him he seems like a great guy, but you're not interested. It's OK to just say "no, thank you," it really is. You don't even need to give him a long explanation or excuse... you don't need to pussyfoot around the issue and give "hints" (like being rude) that you're not interested. Just use your words. It doesn't make you a bad person. If he reacts to a polite "no" as if it's rude, well, he's a jerk.

And if you're worried that he hasn't outright asked you out, and that he'll say something like "uh, I wasn't trying to date you," just be ready to respond with a smile and "oh, what a relief!" and leave it at that.

All that said, if he doesn't continue pursuing you (asking your number, asking to meet up, etc.) then he probably knows you're not interested. You don't need to do anything else. But in general, if you hint a few times and it doesn't get through, just (politely) use your words.
 
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Standarddancer

Well-Known Member
#27
you seem to did all the right things except giving him a fake number, I would just let him know upfront that I don't know him well enough to give personal phone number or tell him "I'm too busy, only have time for dancing and no time for chit-chat".
 

Hedwaite

Well-Known Member
#28
I kind of like the google voice number- that way I have my real number, then a real-but-for-screening number, too. Or pinger. Haven't set that one up yet. Technology has made it so easy to filter people. And buy stuff I don't need.
 

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