Been Diss'ed?

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#23
he looked at me and mentioned that we didn't get a dance and should be sure to do so next time.
A leader whose eye I had been trying to catch studiously ignored me all night and then when everyone was saying goodbyes, came up to me and said "I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to dance. Hopefully next time"

Dude.. there were plenty of chances. You were too busy dancing repeated tandas with the hot young thing in the short shorts.

Seriously... if someone doesn't want to dance with me, I can respect that (I guess... frankly I think it's his loss) but don't insult me by pretending that it was an unfortunate circumstance that you regret when you clearly avoided doing so all night out of CHOICE.
 
#24
A leader whose eye I had been trying to catch studiously ignored me all night and then when everyone was saying goodbyes, came up to me and said "I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to dance. Hopefully next time"

Dude.. there were plenty of chances. You were too busy dancing repeated tandas with the hot young thing in the short shorts.

Seriously... if someone doesn't want to dance with me, I can respect that (I guess... frankly I think it's his loss) but don't insult me by pretending that it was an unfortunate circumstance that you regret when you clearly avoided doing so all night out of CHOICE.
While I never say anything like "I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to dance. Hopefully next time" I do sometimes feel that sentiment. If it's someone with whom I've never danced before, I tend to wait for a particularly easy piece of music, or one that I think would match her based on what I've been observing. But also, it would have to be when I'm not taking a break, and of course while she is available. Sometimes this confluence never emerges during the milonga.
 

jantango

Active Member
#26
do they allow short shorts at the milongas of BsAs?? just curious??:D
There are dress codes any where you go to dance. Then there are those who wear whatever they want. And that includes foreigners visiting Buenos Aires milongas. They pay the entrada.

I saw a young Asian woman wearing short shorts at the milonga El Maipu at La Nacional on a Monday night in January. She got noticed. Shorts are not common in the traditional milongas; perhaps more common at La Viruta, a dance for the younger set.
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#28
While I never say anything like "I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to dance. Hopefully next time" I do sometimes feel that sentiment. If it's someone with whom I've never danced before, I tend to wait for a particularly easy piece of music, or one that I think would match her based on what I've been observing. But also, it would have to be when I'm not taking a break, and of course while she is available. Sometimes this confluence never emerges during the milonga.
Yeah.. I can appreciate those situations. But that was not the case in the story I related. He was quite obviously avoiding making eye contact with me and then pretended at the end of the night that it was a regrettable misfortune that somehow kept us from getting a tanda together. That's what irked me far more than him not dancing with me. It's not like I cornered him for an explanation or even approached him in any way at the end of the night. He's snubbed me pretty much every time I've ever seen him, so to pretend that he WANTED to dance with me and just didn't get a chance was insultingly insincere.
 
#29
Yeah.. I can appreciate those situations. But that was not the case in the story I related. He was quite obviously avoiding making eye contact with me and then pretended at the end of the night that it was a regrettable misfortune that somehow kept us from getting a tanda together. That's what irked me far more than him not dancing with me. It's not like I cornered him for an explanation or even approached him in any way at the end of the night. He's snubbed me pretty much every time I've ever seen him, so to pretend that he WANTED to dance with me and just didn't get a chance was insultingly insincere.
I can only trust that he was being insincere, but I don't see how he was necessarily so. I've avoided eye contact* with people with whom I'd like to dance with, but only on a tanda with a particular type of music. Sometimes that tanda is never played, or is played while I'm taking a break, or someone else has already invited her. So at the end of the night I think.. well perhaps next time, if she's there.

Other reasons are that I'm having a poor night and thus would prefer to just dance with people I know I can dance easily with, or there's a vague mental list of people I feel I should dance with because I haven't in a while and it's taking longer than expected to get through that list. (The person who was trying to make eye contact would then go near the top of the vague mental list for the next milonga).

I see no reason to mention any regret as, to me it's simply an aspect of social dancing. Some nights just aren't right for dancing with a particular person, but the next one might be.


*If I really wanted to say "No, I don't want to dance with you this milonga (and probably the next few either)" I would make eye contact, refuse to nod, and break eye contact.
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#30
The person who was trying to make eye contact would then go near the top of the vague mental list for the next milonga
I think the fact that he danced with me once several years ago, acted as though it was really great and has NEVER danced with me since pretty much says it all. Your scenarios of why he might not dance a particular tanda or even at a particular event don't apply.

Really, it was MY mistake for even trying to use cabeceo with him. He obviously doesn't want to dance with me or sometime in the last 3 years, he would have found at least one tanda that worked out. Other leaders who want to dance with me manage to somehow. One of my favorite leaders is extremely picky about music and yet he always manages to catch me for a tanda even if he only danced 20% of the night.

I really don't want to keep going round and round with this. The thread OP asked if anyone had ever been dissed. I told a story and I've felt I have to defend it. As you said... you will just have to trust that he was being insincere. I was there. Even if the situation hadn't been so blatantly obvious, he didn't even sound sincere when he said it.
 

jantango

Active Member
#32
Yeah.. I can appreciate those situations. But that was not the case in the story I related. He was quite obviously avoiding making eye contact with me and then pretended at the end of the night that it was a regrettable misfortune that somehow kept us from getting a tanda together. That's what irked me far more than him not dancing with me. It's not like I cornered him for an explanation or even approached him in any way at the end of the night. He's snubbed me pretty much every time I've ever seen him, so to pretend that he WANTED to dance with me and just didn't get a chance was insultingly insincere.
Actions speak louder than words.

Have you considered that he's not interested in inviting you simply because you are in a couple?
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#33
Have you considered that he's not interested in inviting you simply because you are in a couple?
He's never been to an event that my partner attended. My partner is unable to go most of the time. He may not even realize I HAVE a life partner and he certainly wouldn't know I have a dance partner because I don't anymore.

Besides.. that wouldn't change the main issue, which was that he clearly wasn't going to dance with me but acted at the end of the night that it was somehow fate that kept us apart against his will. That's what I consider being "diss'ed" by him. The fake "apology".

It doesn't matter, he's left the area. It was just a story in response to the OP's query.
 

newbie

Well-Known Member
#35
I was diss-ed once by a Swiss in BsAs, can't remember the milonga, maybe the Nino Bien place. Really diss-ed, not before the end of the whole tanda, not at the end of the first song. Just right in the middle of a piece and the middle of the floor as well. "Sorry, can't feel your lead". Later she became a teacher.
That's the only occurrence I can think of.

On the other hand, it regularly happens that the follower leaves me after the first piece if it has been more a struggle than a dance. Typically a follower wanting to go apilado and I stay on my axis and don't give any support.
 

bordertangoman

Well-Known Member
#36
I was diss-ed once by a Swiss in BsAs, can't remember the milonga, maybe the Nino Bien place. Really diss-ed, not before the end of the whole tanda, not at the end of the first song. Just right in the middle of a piece and the middle of the floor as well. "Sorry, can't feel your lead". Later she became a teacher.
That's the only occurrence I can think of.

On the other hand, it regularly happens that the follower leaves me after the first piece if it has been more a struggle than a dance. Typically a follower wanting to go apilado and I stay on my axis and don't give any support.

hurrumph; I can beat that:
her "I'm not moving till I feel a connection."

WTF..:eek:
 

dchester

Moderator
Staff member
#38
On the other hand, it regularly happens that the follower leaves me after the first piece if it has been more a struggle than a dance. Typically a follower wanting to go apilado and I stay on my axis and don't give any support.
It sounds like you are asking women who don't wish to dance your preferred style. I'm not sure why they are accepting the invitation, or for that matter why you are asking those women to dance.
 

twnkltoz

Well-Known Member
#40
I was diss-ed once by a Swiss in BsAs, can't remember the milonga, maybe the Nino Bien place. Really diss-ed, not before the end of the whole tanda, not at the end of the first song. Just right in the middle of a piece and the middle of the floor as well. "Sorry, can't feel your lead". Later she became a teacher.
That's the only occurrence I can think of.

On the other hand, it regularly happens that the follower leaves me after the first piece if it has been more a struggle than a dance. Typically a follower wanting to go apilado and I stay on my axis and don't give any support.
To me, the frequency of this would be a cause for concern.
 

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