Crush on Instructor...

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
exactly...I make one trip there and one trip back a week....I have the luxury of spending the night, but I would be fine even if I didn't...I do think it would bite to do it twice a week though...which is why I don't (except when something major is coming and I don't like my level of preparedness)
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
And there are options such as couchsurfing if you need to travel quite a ways and want to explore cheap options. I have had good luck with couchsurfing.org
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
Hmm. Back when I was doing all that commuting, I loved my job so much I'd have done it for free. (I had no idea how lucky I was. lol.)I also shared the commute with a coworker, so it wasn't all that bad. I also love driving, and I had an almost brand-new car that I loved and that was high-powered enough to make 70 miles easy to drive. None of those things is what my post was about.

My point is that deciding to take on a long-term, long commute for dance lessons is not a minor decision. Fitting in four hours round-trip every week is something to think about, before you commit, IMHO.
 

sbrnsmith

Well-Known Member
I have had no luck finding a good instructor that would be worth driving 125 miles each way for. Two that I found, I have no chemistry with and we did not click. Another is very young and has not taken students to his first competition yet. I would like an instructor with some experience as I have been taking class for 3 years now. This is harder than I thought it would be. For now I am stuck where I am but I am doing well and I believe the crush is lessening.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
chemistry...listen....you can't tell about chemistry from day one, you can't even tell about attraction.... and frankly, I think that should be your last concern...as to driving, if you want to make it work, you will...if you don't you won't...when you try another person, imv, you need to give them a few months...I left my first pro unwillingly...I cried during parts of my first month of lessons with my new pro and it took me months if not a year to feel like I belonged there...there is nothing to lose in committing to 3 months of it and really finding out..obviously, your heart isn't going to be in it for a while
 

danceronice

Well-Known Member
It's pro-am. Chemistry's completely beside the point. (At least until you hit levels to which most of us can only aspire, and even then, like anything, you can fake it.) Unless you absolutely cannot stand their teaching style (and even that takes adjusting so needs some time) you need to give them more than one lesson to see if it works. I had to move and change studios (900 miles is a long commute) and even though I like NP and did from the start getting used to him and the new studio took a while.
 

sbrnsmith

Well-Known Member
Well, I don't mean chemistry as in sexual attraction. Just a feeling that we won't click at all. I didn't feel that way with my first dance teacher as we got along well right from the beginning. And my second dance teacher...well that's what I'm trying to get away from, but I loved his teaching from the beginning. Now I don't feel like going to class at all, let alone drive 2.5 hours each way. It is really sad as I love dance so much. I may give it some time, but it has taken all the joy of dance out for now
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
I think you need to let your future pull you away from your present...it is likely that you will feel more rapport with someone new if you give it a few months
 

sbrnsmith

Well-Known Member
As an update, he revealed that he has moved out and the relationship with the girlfriend is over. It was bad for a while according to him. I don't plan to get involved in anything again, but as far as dance classes, I will continue with him for now. I already drive 70 miles for class, and to drive 125 miles was putting in a lot of effort into something I did not feel invested in as far as learning to build a relationship with another dance instructor. I go twice a week now and sometimes also on saturday. A further distance would mean cutting down to once a week. I was not ready to do that. I would dance everyday if I could.
 

GGinrhinestones

Well-Known Member
Well, the first month or so I was dancing with my teacher I didn't know WHAT the heck to make of him. I enjoyed dancing, but it took a while for me to really click with him. Now I've been dancing with him for almost four years and I can't imagine any other teacher who clicks with me quite so well. One of my primary coaches, in my first lesson with her, was pretty much a disaster from the start - almost entirely because my expectations for what it would be like and what I wanted were so radically different from what she taught in that lesson. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt and tried again, and the second time was much better, and she became not just a regular coach but also a good friend. I agree with Fasc - you can't judge chemistry, even whether or not someone will work for you as a teacher, from one lesson.

One other thing to consider: quit dancing for a while. Take a break, 100%, from your current teacher and that studio. See if it really IS the dancing that is attracting you. If it is, you'll be willing to drive 2 1/2 hours - or more - to the right teacher. If it isn't, at least you'll know and can deal with the situation appropriately.
 

GGinrhinestones

Well-Known Member
I go twice a week now and sometimes also on saturday. A further distance would mean cutting down to once a week. I was not ready to do that. I would dance everyday if I could.
FWIW, I was dancing 4-5 times a week at my studio before I moved 2 1/2 hours away from my teacher and had to go to dancing once a week. I thought it would kill me. It was tough, at first. I got over it - I combined all my lessons into that one day, drove 2 1/2 hours each way once a week, and...my dancing skyrocketed because I was so far away I had no choice but to practice on my own and make the focus of my lessons on dancing and learning. All of the social drama fell largely by the wayside.
 

sbrnsmith

Well-Known Member
Another update...without getting into details, I think I have realized and seen his true colors. I know ours was a consensual relationship, wrong as it may have been. However once it ended, things started to become obvious that I would otherwise have ignored. I am trying to get over all this emotionally and I know I will over time. I made mistakes and I put myself in a position where I was going to get hurt.
 

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