Crush on Instructor...

So as a student, I would suggest that you be glad when he says hi, without any expectations of further longer convos...
Just wanted to add to everyone's great comments, that holding no expectation usually works really well. When you are not expecting for a dance at the social or the party and then you get one, it becomes the highlight. Whereas if you've been expecting the teacher the whole night, then anything you get just fills up that expectation and creates no additional happiness. If this makes sense. ;)

Keep in mind that it's his job to make you happy and that may or may not include the "crush" emotion you are having.
 

ChaChaMama

Well-Known Member
The love for a member of the opposite sex, however, is based pretty much 100% on attraction, and that's either instant or not there.
It can, of course, grow from there, but if nothing is there initially, nothing can grow.
You cannot plant trees on Mars (or Venus, for that matter...).
If by attraction you mean physical attraction, I'm going to have to disagree with you as well.

I think there are several kinds of attraction. They can all lead to you wanting to "be with" someone (in the romantic/sexual sense).

-There is PHYSICAL attraction.

-There is EMOTIONAL attraction. This is what you feel with a person you connect to and trust. This person gets your emotions and listens to you. This person trusts you enough to tell you his feelings and be vulnerable around you. He values your opinions. He never discounts or ridicules your feelings, and he has your back when you need it. Trustworthiness and being trusted in return are sexy. Maybe it's a sociobiological instinct: trustworthy guys are more likely to stick around and make better daddies. Or maybe it has nothing to do with that. But it's there.

-There is INTELLECTUAL attraction. Do NOT discount this one! There are people who get your ideas, and you get their ideas. And then the person says "You know, what I think is fascinating about your idea is..." and the person builds on it, in a way that shows how totally he/she gets what you were saying. And that makes you have another good idea. And you realize you are a better person and a smarter person with this other person around. That is a huge turn on! An okay-looking guy with whom one can connect intellectually is sexier to me (and many women like me) than the ultra-hot guy who is dumb as a post. Admittedly, it may take me an hour or two to realize how sexy the first guy is, but I generally don't go to bed with people in the first hour anyway. I'm weird that way. ;)

Yes, there is probably a baseline minimum of physical attractiveness. But I'll bet you would be surprised how low that bar is for many women. I have a friend who is married to a guy with a rather visible physical deformity (missing a few fingers), which I'll bet many people would think would be a disadvantage in the dating game. He is SUPER bright and they share a rather esoteric interest. Attracted to each other? Heck yeah!

***
I should add that one of my somewhat cynical--but very bright (and sexy) friends--proposed the following aphorism:

There are three kinds of attraction: emotional, intellectual, and physical. With any one person, it is usually only possible to have two out of the three."

Not sure if he's right, but I think of this gem from time to time!
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
If by attraction you mean physical attraction, I'm going to have to disagree with you as well.

I think there are several kinds of attraction. They can all lead to you wanting to "be with" someone (in the romantic/sexual sense).

-There is PHYSICAL attraction.

-There is EMOTIONAL attraction. This is what you feel with a person you connect to and trust. This person gets your emotions and listens to you. This person trusts you enough to tell you his feelings and be vulnerable around you. He values your opinions. He never discounts or ridicules your feelings, and he has your back when you need it. Trustworthiness and being trusted in return are sexy. Maybe it's a sociobiological instinct: trustworthy guys are more likely to stick around and make better daddies. Or maybe it has nothing to do with that. But it's there.

-There is INTELLECTUAL attraction. Do NOT discount this one! There are people who get your ideas, and you get their ideas. And then the person says "You know, what I think is fascinating about your idea is..." and the person builds on it, in a way that shows how totally he/she gets what you were saying. And that makes you have another good idea. And you realize you are a better person and a smarter person with this other person around. That is a huge turn on! An okay-looking guy with whom one can connect intellectually is sexier to me (and many women like me) than the ultra-hot guy who is dumb as a post. Admittedly, it may take me an hour or two to realize how sexy the first guy is, but I generally don't go to bed with people in the first hour anyway. I'm weird that way. ;)

Yes, there is probably a baseline minimum of physical attractiveness. But I'll bet you would be surprised how low that bar is for many women. I have a friend who is married to a guy with a rather visible physical deformity (missing a few fingers), which I'll bet many people would think would be a disadvantage in the dating game. He is SUPER bright and they share a rather esoteric interest. Attracted to each other? Heck yeah!

***
I should add that one of my somewhat cynical--but very bright (and sexy) friends--proposed the following aphorism:

There are three kinds of attraction: emotional, intellectual, and physical. With any one person, it is usually only possible to have two out of the three."

Not sure if he's right, but I think of this gem from time to time!
hmm...guess I have been fortunate...:cool:
 
***
I should add that one of my somewhat cynical--but very bright (and sexy) friends--proposed the following aphorism:

There are three kinds of attraction: emotional, intellectual, and physical. With any one person, it is usually only possible to have two out of the three."

Not sure if he's right, but I think of this gem from time to time!

Me too !

Not to say that DH dont have bad points !
 
The thing I love about dance is that, the instructors are genuinely passionate about what they do and I get to feel that every time I dance with my instructor. I haven't developed a 'crush' but i can see how people do :) For me, dance is a new fun thing that I've always wanted to do.
I want to be one of those old people who, on their 80th anniversary can stand up with their perfect match and dance in front of a big family. It doesn't need to be perfect or stylish, just to have the emotion there is enough.
My instructor helps me imagine this more clearly, I can see the steps, the wrinkled smiles and imagine the true happiness that I will have experienced with that person.
I am in love with dance and everything that comes with it. My instructor simply allows me to become "one step" closer to that dream. If I were to find love during a dance lesson, it will be with the dance. If something else were to come of it, then let it be, but I cant expect to love my instructor, I expect to love the art. The artist is separate to the art, and it is sometimes hard to separate the two sicne they always appear together. But I feel that passion that he has for his art when he teaches me. But it's very clear to me that it's the art we both love, not each other. I think the best way to understand this is to dance with all sorts of different people, all over the place :) Enjoy your 'crush' on your instructor, but experience your 'love' for dance with each step.
Live consciously!
 
This is one of the best posts I've seen here! and it's your first one...

Amazingly put....the artist is separate from the art, but sometimes its hard to separate them. Great thought for students...




The thing I love about dance is that, the instructors are genuinely passionate about what they do and I get to feel that every time I dance with my instructor. I haven't developed a 'crush' but i can see how people do :) For me, dance is a new fun thing that I've always wanted to do.
I want to be one of those old people who, on their 80th anniversary can stand up with their perfect match and dance in front of a big family. It doesn't need to be perfect or stylish, just to have the emotion there is enough.
My instructor helps me imagine this more clearly, I can see the steps, the wrinkled smiles and imagine the true happiness that I will have experienced with that person.
I am in love with dance and everything that comes with it. My instructor simply allows me to become "one step" closer to that dream. If I were to find love during a dance lesson, it will be with the dance. If something else were to come of it, then let it be, but I cant expect to love my instructor, I expect to love the art. The artist is separate to the art, and it is sometimes hard to separate the two sicne they always appear together. But I feel that passion that he has for his art when he teaches me. But it's very clear to me that it's the art we both love, not each other. I think the best way to understand this is to dance with all sorts of different people, all over the place :) Enjoy your 'crush' on your instructor, but experience your 'love' for dance with each step.
Live consciously!
 

tt

New Member
Great input. Thanks, falonRyan~

The thing I love about dance is that, the instructors are genuinely passionate about what they do and I get to feel that every time I dance with my instructor. I haven't developed a 'crush' but i can see how people do :) For me, dance is a new fun thing that I've always wanted to do.
I want to be one of those old people who, on their 80th anniversary can stand up with their perfect match and dance in front of a big family. It doesn't need to be perfect or stylish, just to have the emotion there is enough.
My instructor helps me imagine this more clearly, I can see the steps, the wrinkled smiles and imagine the true happiness that I will have experienced with that person.
I am in love with dance and everything that comes with it. My instructor simply allows me to become "one step" closer to that dream. If I were to find love during a dance lesson, it will be with the dance. If something else were to come of it, then let it be, but I cant expect to love my instructor, I expect to love the art. The artist is separate to the art, and it is sometimes hard to separate the two sicne they always appear together. But I feel that passion that he has for his art when he teaches me. But it's very clear to me that it's the art we both love, not each other. I think the best way to understand this is to dance with all sorts of different people, all over the place :) Enjoy your 'crush' on your instructor, but experience your 'love' for dance with each step.
Live consciously!
 

Larinda McRaven

Site Moderator
Staff member
The thing I love about dance is that, the instructors are genuinely passionate about what they do and I get to feel that every time I dance with my instructor. I haven't developed a 'crush' but i can see how people do :) For me, dance is a new fun thing that I've always wanted to do.
I want to be one of those old people who, on their 80th anniversary can stand up with their perfect match and dance in front of a big family. It doesn't need to be perfect or stylish, just to have the emotion there is enough.
My instructor helps me imagine this more clearly, I can see the steps, the wrinkled smiles and imagine the true happiness that I will have experienced with that person.
I am in love with dance and everything that comes with it. My instructor simply allows me to become "one step" closer to that dream. If I were to find love during a dance lesson, it will be with the dance. If something else were to come of it, then let it be, but I cant expect to love my instructor, I expect to love the art. The artist is separate to the art, and it is sometimes hard to separate the two sicne they always appear together. But I feel that passion that he has for his art when he teaches me. But it's very clear to me that it's the art we both love, not each other. I think the best way to understand this is to dance with all sorts of different people, all over the place :) Enjoy your 'crush' on your instructor, but experience your 'love' for dance with each step.
Live consciously!
Great!!!
 

samina

Well-Known Member
The thing I love about dance is that, the instructors are genuinely passionate about what they do and I get to feel that every time I dance with my instructor. I haven't developed a 'crush' but i can see how people do :) For me, dance is a new fun thing that I've always wanted to do.
I want to be one of those old people who, on their 80th anniversary can stand up with their perfect match and dance in front of a big family. It doesn't need to be perfect or stylish, just to have the emotion there is enough.
My instructor helps me imagine this more clearly, I can see the steps, the wrinkled smiles and imagine the true happiness that I will have experienced with that person.
I am in love with dance and everything that comes with it. My instructor simply allows me to become "one step" closer to that dream. If I were to find love during a dance lesson, it will be with the dance. If something else were to come of it, then let it be, but I cant expect to love my instructor, I expect to love the art. The artist is separate to the art, and it is sometimes hard to separate the two sicne they always appear together. But I feel that passion that he has for his art when he teaches me. But it's very clear to me that it's the art we both love, not each other. I think the best way to understand this is to dance with all sorts of different people, all over the place :) Enjoy your 'crush' on your instructor, but experience your 'love' for dance with each step.
Live consciously!
lovely... welcome, falonryan!
 
The thing I love about dance is that, the instructors are genuinely passionate about what they do and I get to feel that every time I dance with my instructor. I haven't developed a 'crush' but i can see how people do :) For me, dance is a new fun thing that I've always wanted to do.
I want to be one of those old people who, on their 80th anniversary can stand up with their perfect match and dance in front of a big family. It doesn't need to be perfect or stylish, just to have the emotion there is enough.
My instructor helps me imagine this more clearly, I can see the steps, the wrinkled smiles and imagine the true happiness that I will have experienced with that person.
I am in love with dance and everything that comes with it. My instructor simply allows me to become "one step" closer to that dream. If I were to find love during a dance lesson, it will be with the dance. If something else were to come of it, then let it be, but I cant expect to love my instructor, I expect to love the art. The artist is separate to the art, and it is sometimes hard to separate the two sicne they always appear together. But I feel that passion that he has for his art when he teaches me. But it's very clear to me that it's the art we both love, not each other. I think the best way to understand this is to dance with all sorts of different people, all over the place :) Enjoy your 'crush' on your instructor, but experience your 'love' for dance with each step.
Live consciously!
great post, so very true. :) /welcome
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
It's comforting to know that what I've been going through is normal. :) Thanks to everyone sharing their stories.

It can be hard to adjust to or adapt to the unfamiliar... I began dancing as a way to escape the exhausting routine of my everyday life... I was shocked to find how quickly it took over and became my life, but for reasons I didn't want it to... At first I was relieved to have an intructor that I was so comfortable with, I'm a shy person and he is so outgoing and fun and easy to be with... As the weeks went by, spending more and more time with a person with so many qualities that I admire and try to emulate and someone who makes me laugh... And the more I fell in love with dancing and the way I was suddenly able to make instant connections with people and touch and be close to them... I think when you're in that situation, you look to the person that seems to be the catalyst for everything... and what's worst is that you can look at them and realize they are only there to teach you and it would never go anywhere, but it's that time apart, all you remember is the way they make you feel, and you miss them and you anticipate seeing them again... and you want them to be your world because you can't separate the happiness from dancing from the person you're dancing with... You want to attach that feeling to something you can touch... But to him you're just a figure.

It's a kind of hell I've been through many times before but never this bad. I am leaving the studio I currently go to for many reasons other than this, and I'm glad I was able to discover something I love to do, and I wonder if I would have felt as connected to dance if it weren't for the emotions brought out by it being with him. I used to write poetry and short stories all the time, then for 2 or 3 years felt zero inspiration until all this... someone called their dance teacher their muse and he has certainly been that for me. :)
 

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