Dating, Love...and Salsa

#21
Vin said:
aimerrouge said:
- the guys who can't distinguish between "dancing well together" from "I'm attracted to you..." :(
Please, this is one I am dying to know. Also how to distinguish
between "nice because she is a nice person" and "nice because she is interested" In the non-salsa world I can normally tell but in the salsa world, well my interactions with women are many yet shorter than my interactions in the non-salsa world.
Interaction off the dancefloor is what matters. Does she linger after you dance or does she make a quick but polite get away? Does she ask about your life away from dancing? Is she REALLY interested in your stamp collection, the fact that you play the oboe, or can do a great impression of Robert DeNiro? Does she mention wanting to see you away from your salsa club? Is she constantly watching you only to turn away quickly when you catch her? Or does she stare into your eyes just a little too long? Stand just a little close? Laugh at your jokes just a little too much? Brush her hand against your face? Brush her arm across your body? Has she ever blushed when you looked at her?

That's how you tell. How well she follows on the dancefloor has nothing to do with it.
 
#22
Vin said:
aimerrouge said:
- the guys who can't distinguish between "dancing well together" from "I'm attracted to you..." :(
Please, this is one I am dying to know. Also how to distinguish
between "nice because she is a nice person" and "nice because she is interested" In the non-salsa world I can normally tell but in the salsa world, well my interactions with women are many yet shorter than my interactions in the non-salsa world.
Vin, are you asking about when you are dancing with a girl? Or afterwards when you are chatting?

I can only speak for myself...but I would caution any guy from making assumptions (as to if I am interested in them or not) after dancing with me. The things I feel from the music or the way I express myself dancing is most often motivated by something other than attraction in most cases. Could be my current status though.... ;)

I'm curious to see what the other ladies on DF have to say about this...
 

Vin

New Member
#23
I am pretty much able to seperate good following from interest, but there is also a difference between the level of flirtation on the dance floor and and just being a good follow.

With the girls I know I can pretty distinguish interest from not interest but with girls I don't know so well how can one tell.

I know the answer to this, try and observe how they dance with others but that would take me away from valuable dance time.
The other issue with this is alot of girls feel comfortable doing this sort of thing with me and they just wouldn't with some other guys.

Normally after a dance I am off to my next fix so off-floor interaction can be hard to judge.

My main issue is that this scene while rather big is still rather connected
and I would hate to get a bad reputation in the scene as a guy who chases every girl around. Yet at the same time I find myself quite attracted to many of the pretty ladies in it :oops: .
 
#24
Vin said:
I am pretty much able to seperate good following from interest, but there is also a difference between the level of flirtation on the dance floor and and just being a good follow.

With the girls I know I can pretty distinguish interest from not interest but with girls I don't know so well how can one tell.

I know the ladies mean well, but take it from a guy : women are leagues above us when it comes to relationships. i've run into women who are professional flirts, who send out all the right signals, its crazy.

The only way to know if a girl is into you or not is go in for the kill : ask for her number, or ask her out, and when she says, 'No', that's how you know. On the other hand, if she gives you her number, or is open to seeing you, you've got a foot in the door.

I wouldn't beat around the bush looking for hair flicks and eye contact. if you sense something when you're talking to a girl, just ask her out. be direct. rejection seems to help me a lot in this situation, because if that happens, i just saved myself a lot of time and energy.

Vin said:
My main issue is that this scene while rather big is still rather connected
and I would hate to get a bad reputation in the scene as a guy who chases every girl around. Yet at the same time I find myself quite attracted to many of the pretty ladies in it
and don't worry about being seen as a hustler. do you want the girls or not ?
 

Vin

New Member
#25
Thanks man,
I actually do know better than your average frustrated chump. It's mostly the new social situation that I am getting used to more than anything else.
 
#26
:eek: Good Topic.
I haven't been involved with anyone since beginning
to salsa dance and that's been for almost 3 years now.
Guess the freedom of ending a 5 year relationship to
someone who didn't like to dance really had a big affect on me.
I like my freedom but at the same time now am ready (I think) to date.
I empathize with both sides of the issue. (dating someone who
dances and not dating someone who dances leaning towards the
former due to lack of extra time).
For me it IS an escape... by design and I'm not looking for drama...get enough of that elsewhere....and I love going to dance with whom I want when I want and loving it thus far. Of course I get lonely sometimes and miss the intimacy but that only happens for 5 mins maybe twice a week and then I'm off into something else or I'm dancing. What's wrong with me? I'm like....content with the status quo most of the time. :D Lol.
I've seen a lot in the scene and how things have turned out with different people and have taken in what people have confided in me who date in the scene.
Now I have to decide how I'm going to do the dating thing.
It's complicated. :roll: I don't have the answers...just reading what you guys have to say about it.
 
#27
Roxy said:
I've seen a lot in the scene and how things have turned out with different people and have taken in what people have confided in me who date in the scene.

Welcome to DF Roxy! Care to share a little of what was confided in you? Could be some good stuff! ;)
 
#28
Well, I didn´t read all the posts. Actually, I only got as far as Squirrel´s post. I agree with her. If you make your salsa world too much of a "safe place", you´ll probably loose out on many things. You may regret this in the future.
 
#29
Vin said:
Thanks man,
I actually do know better than your average frustrated chump. It's mostly the new social situation that I am getting used to more than anything else.
the tone in my post didn't come out right. I only meant to share my experiences, rather than lecture somebody. cheers!
 
#30
Vin said:
My main issue is that this scene while rather big is still rather connected
and I would hate to get a bad reputation in the scene as a guy who chases every girl around. Yet at the same time I find myself quite attracted to many of the pretty ladies in it :oops: .
I also wouldn't worry too much about this. To me, guys who are a real turn-off are those who pass from girl to girl, hitting on them and asking for numbers. When someone expresses inordinate interest after 3 minutes, its a pretty clear warning sign that he is operating on some low-filter libido rather than genuine interest. I don't think most girls mind a bit of attention from a sincere person with whom they get along on/off the dancefloor, even if, in the end, it is not reciprocated. Besides, as others have pointed out, you only live once....
 
#31
gte692h said:
The only way to know if a girl is into you or not is go in for the kill : ask for her number, or ask her out, and when she says, 'No', that's how you know. On the other hand, if she gives you her number, or is open to seeing you, you've got a foot in the door.
I would say this is fairly accurate...given she's been friendly and seemingly flirtatious. However, if you've only danced with her a few times...and don't know much about her...giving it more time is necessary. That's what I think anyway...
The more you get to know about her on a friendship level the more likely you are to determine whether you really want to go out with her...and it will say alot more about you if you take the initiative to learn a little about who she is, where she comes from, etc. That's a good "foot in the door" without making yourself too vulnerable.

Coming from somone who has just jumped into the scene (dating & salsa)...I've been rather disappointed with how little guys want to know about me before asking me out. It's nice to know they are physically attracted, but it sure feels better when I know they've found an interest in my personality too.

There's nothing wrong with asking some questions! Atleast not in my book...
 
#32
Leah said:
When someone expresses inordinate interest after 3 minutes, its a pretty clear warning sign that he is operating on some low-filter libido rather than genuine interest. I don't think most girls mind a bit of attention from a sincere person with whom they get along on/off the dancefloor, even if, in the end, it is not reciprocated.
Well stated! :D
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#33
Roxy said:
:eek: Good Topic.
I haven't been involved with anyone since beginning
to salsa dance and that's been for almost 3 years now.
[snip]
Now I have to decide how I'm going to do the dating thing.
It's complicated. :roll: I don't have the answers...just reading what you guys have to say about it.
Welcome. Perhaps you can share some thoughts on the questions you have? Sometimes the questions are just as if not more informative than answers.
 
#34
Kindra said:
Roxy said:
I've seen a lot in the scene and how things have turned out with different people and have taken in what people have confided in me who date in the scene.
Welcome to DF Roxy! Care to share a little of what was confided in you? Could be some good stuff! ;)
Thanks, Kindra.
Sure, I'll share.
One of my friends told me that even though his girlfriend is a good dancer, that having her out at events with him holds him back from dancing with more women. I see her sitting sometimes looking tired and waiting for him. Oftentimes she wants to leave and he'd rather stay until closing time. She doesn't like some of the places because she doesn't get asked to dance but she's a good dancer. He tells me he DOES give her enough dancing attention. Others have commented that he doesn't.

I've seen other friends dating for a while and then not comming for a while due to a break up. One will stay away, the other comes. When the other returns, they are very uncomfortable, going to the bathroom due to butterflies and pain and leaving early because it's just too uncomfortable to see the other person.
It gets better but it takes them a while.
I've seen others with husbands that don't attend but are having trouble at home because they love to dance although I've been told that it's better if you've already started a relationship and have a solid foundation. Then he establishes his hobbies and she establishes her hobbies. Still some have problems. I hope they work it out.
I've had players try to play me but I've sidestepped 'em telling them I'm there just to dance.
I've seen women players with a reputation at work too.
Romantic interests of partners that feel inadequate because the other partner makes them feel like they're not a good enough dancer.

:arrow: :eek: I've also seen the good stuff too like a couple that I know who encourages each other to dance with other partners. I always ask for permission to borrow him from her for a bit. They are sooooo nice.

I could go on.

MapleLeaf Salsero said:
Well, I didn´t read all the posts. Actually, I only got as far as Squirrel´s post. I agree with her. If you make your salsa world too much of a "safe place", you´ll probably loose out on many things. You may regret this in the future.
It's not safe anyway, what with all the sports injuries you take. Lol... and then I feel that I'm out of my safety zone anyway when I dance. I'm always trying something new and trying to push myself....I have enough risk and intrigue and passion going on with the dance itself that I love...not looking for a bad feeling when I see someone at a salsa venue to put a damper on those good feelings.,... Different strokes for different folks.
:wink:
 
#35
Roxy said:
I have enough risk and intrigue and passion going on with the dance itself that I love...not looking for a bad feeling when I see someone at a salsa venue to put a damper on those good feelings
That's exactly where I'm at....I throw all the passion and energy I have into my dancing..and once the dance is over...it's over. That could change with time...but for now, I really need to keep my dance experience (haven) free from drama.
 
#36
Sagitta said:
Roxy said:
:eek: Good Topic.
I haven't been involved with anyone since beginning
to salsa dance and that's been for almost 3 years now.
[snip]
Now I have to decide how I'm going to do the dating thing.
It's complicated. :roll: I don't have the answers...just reading what you guys have to say about it.
Welcome. Perhaps you can share some thoughts on the questions you have? Sometimes the questions are just as if not more informative than answers.
Thanks, Sagitta.
I have to think about what questions to ask for a bit. I have a lot bottled up in me.
 
#37
Kindra said:
Roxy said:
I have enough risk and intrigue and passion going on with the dance itself that I love...not looking for a bad feeling when I see someone at a salsa venue to put a damper on those good feelings
That's exactly where I'm at....I throw all the passion and energy I have into my dancing..and once the dance is over...it's over. That could change with time...but for now, I really need to keep my dance experience (haven) free from drama.
True. Oooooh So True. :!:
 
#38
Kindra said:
I would say this is fairly accurate...given she's been friendly and seemingly flirtatious. However, if you've only danced with her a few times...and don't know much about her...giving it more time is necessary. That's what I think anyway...
The more you get to know about her on a friendship level the more likely you are to determine whether you really want to go out with her...and it will say alot more about you if you take the initiative to learn a little about who she is, where she comes from, etc. That's a good "foot in the door" without making yourself too vulnerable.

There's nothing wrong with asking some questions! Atleast not in my book...
that's spot on advice. absolutely. the music at clubs is so loud though, its hard to know a person. but that's for another thread.
 
#39
gte692h said:
the music at clubs is so loud though, its hard to know a person.
True, true...but with time, an opportunity must present itself to hear something!! :lol: :wink:

FYI- given all that loud music and all the different ladies to dance with...remembering her name is a great way to get a foot in the door too. :)
 

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