Life is Hard Thread

Purr

Well-Known Member
I'm struggling to deal with that issue. I'm not going into why family member and I are estranged, just that we are, the feelings run deep for me, and it's been going on a long time.

I remember before my dad died, several estranged family members came around to make their peace. I'm not sure how much dad cared. But if someone didn't come around while someone was alive and healthy - why would they come around when someone is dying. Those kinds of actions showed me they were trying feel better about themselves, not so much they cared about the dad.

I'd feel the same way about some kind of person trying to send flowers to someone's funeral. If they didn't care enough to bring flowers when the person was alive, why in the hell would you send them flowers when they're dead? It's not so much the flowers themselves, it's what they symbolize.

Anyway...getting more upset by the moment...signing off for awhile...seeing this is bringing up a lot of feelings about dad...
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
well Purr...if you get this before you sign off, I guess what I would offer is that I think you are right...

if you have unfinished business with that person-- work that you need to do-- you could certainly inquire as to whether or not that person had a willingness to go there via common acquaintances....but if this person was very legitimately offensive to you and it has not changed, their impending death, really doesn't change that...and they have their own work to do, which, if that includes you, they are still perfectly capable of doing...it doesn't make you unkind to let it be...it doesn't mean you are selfish to inquire about some reconciliation if you really felt it was possible, but it certainly doesn't need to happen just because they are sick...you can pray for their peace and yours if you are a praying person, you can donate to a cause that makes sense as a way to mark the event privately for yourself....you can write a letter that never needs to be sent but does need to be written...bottom line is that it is fair to be gentle with yourself as this unfolds...I am sorry for your pain...you might also think about how you would feel if they approached you while you were terminal...at any rate...I am sorry for how hard this will be...because the end means the end of it being able to be fixed, even if you already rationally know it can't be....
 

Purr

Well-Known Member
well Purr...if you get this before you sign off, I guess what I would offer is that I think you are right...

if you have unfinished business with that person-- work that you need to do-- you could certainly inquire as to whether or not that person had a willingness to go there via common acquaintances....but if this person was very legitimately offensive to you and it has not changed, their impending death, really doesn't change that...and they have their own work to do, which, if that includes you, they are still perfectly capable of doing...it doesn't make you unkind to let it be...it doesn't mean you are selfish to inquire about some reconciliation if you really felt it was possible, but it certainly doesn't need to happen just because they are sick...you can pray for their peace and yours if you are a praying person, you can donate to a cause that makes sense as a way to mark the event privately for yourself....you can write a letter that never needs to be sent but does need to be written...bottom line is that it is fair to be gentle with yourself as this unfolds...I am sorry for your pain...you might also think about how you would feel if they approached you while you were terminal...at any rate...I am sorry for how hard this will be...because the end means the end of it being able to be fixed, even if you already rationally know it can't be....
Thank you.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
Weird interaction this morning that I really don't know where to post, so I'll post it here, because I find it profoundly sad.

Conversation between me and neighbor I'd never met:

Him: Good morning.
Me: Good morning. How are you?
Him: Nobody cares.

His last comment was said as he walked in the other direction, toward his front door.

OMG. I didn't know what to do or say. Our world is full of people who believe that nobody cares.

I find this so, so sad.


Incidentally, I never ask someone, "How are you?" unless I'm open to having them tell me how they are. Not sure when or why "How are you?" became another way to give people a mean, impersonal brush-off.

I ran into this guy again this morning. I struck up the conversation to check on him. He had completely forgotten me and the weird conversation we had last week.

As it turns out, his GF of many years has decided that she wants to split and it looks like the split will be permanent, this time. Because she was the main breadwinner, he's not sure how he's going to find and afford a new place to live.

Pretty valid reasons to be bummed, I think. Nice guy. I think he'll be okay. :cool:
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
Yep, pyg it is.



I'm moving back in with my mother at the end of this month. And we'll see what happens. It's going to be a huge adjustment. I hate change and at the same time know its necessary and good. Wish me luck because we used to have a tendency to clash lol
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
Rural *the state I think you live in* is actually not bad, in the summertime. Or fall, when the foliage is gorgeous. And by winter, you'll know if it's not working and be able to move on.

For now, enjoy your Mom as best you can. :cool:
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
Rural *the state I think you live in* is actually not bad, in the summertime. Or fall, when the foliage is gorgeous. And by winter, you'll know if it's not working and be able to move on.

For now, enjoy your Mom as best you can. :cool:
It is lovely. It is 40 minutes northwest of the city.. its not really that far north, so winters should be the same.. they do get significantly more snow in the upper half of the state.
 

TinyDancer109

Well-Known Member
wanted to give everyone an update - while my mother doesnt want to get too excited and jinx it, i am of the philosophy that we should celebrate every small victory... one of my father's tumors shrank a bit! :) whatever prayers, thoughts or energy you have been sending - please continue! :)
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
psychology matters a lot with cancer. my cousin is really struggling but not giving up. his really as high spirited as you can get. so, that's the right thing to do!let's all do it!let's be positive, it helps!!!let's!!!
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
Hurting for family, and waiting on tenterhooks. I hate not knowing, and I hate that my brain veers immediately away from the emotional side of things and, instead, automatically starts thinking about details and practical matters.
 

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