Life is Hard Thread

3wishes

Well-Known Member
When my mom passed in 2004, my step-father made me sit down with him a few months later where he "swore to me" that "he would never become a burden to me....ever...he could never do that do me"....and,,,I took that in stride...and a grain of salt. I sat down with him a few days ago, after finding out about his "falls in one week" ..this..that...and the other things....that he did not share with me...but that his neighbors, friends,,,and others called me about....and basically said....in not so many words...."you trying to NOT be a burden to me, is becoming more of a burden..then just telling me ...what is going on"...his response....."I don't want you to worry about me"
I know his final stage of life is here, he knows it as well....he's stubborn, he's German, he's independent...to that point of making me worry more...rather than less. So, put secret protocals into place...to get around his "I won't be a burden to you" promise....to keep him as independent as possible each day. Managing his pain is an around the clock item now...as long as I can keep him believing that he is not leaning on me...this will be ok....the child now becomes the parent...to the parent.
 

cornutt

Well-Known Member
My Uncle Emmett died late Thursday night. He was the last of my uncles on my dad's side still alive, and the third one to die since Christmas. His brother Alta, who died a month ago, would have been 80 today. My dad's two sisters are the last of his siblings left alive. Sigh.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
I think, for me, the harder part was consoling my Dad. All of his siblings except one died since I was an adult. (One was killed by a drunk driver when I was six?) Three of Dad's siblings died in a less-than-four year period. Now Dad is alone. It's very hard to be the adult child who has to help a parent make sense of it all. :(
 

cornutt

Well-Known Member
Thanks gal. I've been sitting here thinking about the Christmas family reunion. For all of my adult life, it's been the "siblings" (my dad's generation) who have been responsible for organizing and executing it each year. Now it's about to fall on the "cousins" (my generation). That's a little scary; we're being handed a legacy, and it is on us not to blow it. At the same time, I've been talking to some of my cousins about the reunion for the past several years, and several of us think that it's time to consider some changes; it's been the same for a long time, and it some ways it doesn't work well for the younger family members. However, we don't want to upset things for the members of my father's generation who are still alive.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
and what it is for a person of that generation versus what it is to being the generation behind that now finding yourself moving toward the front of the line is another think altogether...it is lonely when your peers are gone, no younger person can fully get that...intellectually, yes, fully get it? improbable...it is also hard to suddenly find that there aren't that many family members left in the generation above you...all difficult
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
Thanks gal. I've been sitting here thinking about the Christmas family reunion. For all of my adult life, it's been the "siblings" (my dad's generation) who have been responsible for organizing and executing it each year. Now it's about to fall on the "cousins" (my generation). That's a little scary; we're being handed a legacy, and it is on us not to blow it. At the same time, I've been talking to some of my cousins about the reunion for the past several years, and several of us think that it's time to consider some changes; it's been the same for a long time, and it some ways it doesn't work well for the younger family members. However, we don't want to upset things for the members of my father's generation who are still alive.
I know that you will find a way to honor the past and to create the new memories that will uniquely belong to your generation
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
and what it is for a person of that generation versus what it is to being the generation behind that now finding yourself moving toward the front of the line is another think altogether...it is lonely when your peers are gone, no younger person can fully get that...intellectually, yes, fully get it? improbable...it is also hard to suddenly find that there aren't that many family members left in the generation above you...all difficult

Yes. Dad will be ninety in May. He has survived the loss of many, many friends, all of his family of his generation, and has presided over the funerals of many of them. (Dad was ordained in 1954.) Watching him ... collapse ... after the death of his last sibling was almost unbearable. But he held it together for the rest of us so many times that we had to hold it together for him.

It's hard.

@cornutt. Make sure the reunion goes on, if you can. My family is going through that right now. My uncle M, the last of Dad's siblings to pass on, was the one who started the reunion idea (when his parents were approaching the ends of their lives.) Now that Uncle M is gone, it's been difficult to find someone who'd pick up the baton and keep going, which is why I think it's important for somebody to pick up the baton and keep going.

*hugs*
 

chomsky

Well-Known Member
When my mom passed in 2004, my step-father made me sit down with him a few months later where he "swore to me" that "he would never become a burden to me....ever...he could never do that do me"....and,,,I took that in stride...and a grain of salt. I sat down with him a few days ago, after finding out about his "falls in one week" ..this..that...and the other things....that he did not share with me...but that his neighbors, friends,,,and others called me about....and basically said....in not so many words...."you trying to NOT be a burden to me, is becoming more of a burden..then just telling me ...what is going on"...his response....."I don't want you to worry about me"
I know his final stage of life is here, he knows it as well....he's stubborn, he's German, he's independent...to that point of making me worry more...rather than less. So, put secret protocals into place...to get around his "I won't be a burden to you" promise....to keep him as independent as possible each day. Managing his pain is an around the clock item now...as long as I can keep him believing that he is not leaning on me...this will be ok....the child now becomes the parent...to the parent.
thanks for sharing this. If I'm a parent I'm only to my parents and this is or has been my life. Thanks.
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
This came from Paris, France, on another forum: "Be safe everyone. Love and Support from Paris. We are all with Boston on this sad day". Great to see sympathy and support from abroad rather than hateful messages.
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
And from Russia with love: "On behalf of Russian people I would like to express our deepest condolescence to the families of the victims and send our love and support to all who suffered from this unhuman attack on the peaceful city. we also sincerely hope that the justice will be served and the heartless criminals who did this will get what they deserve."
 

Lioness

Well-Known Member
Hearing some crazy stuff from over the pond. Stay safe everyone...Boston, Texas...just stay safe :). Thinking of all of you and hoping this doesn't get any bigger.
 

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