one guys beginning dance struggles

Warren J. Dew

Well-Known Member
#21
let me offer another slant...first of all neither you nor your mother, unless she wears heels dancing regularly, can appreciate how that can legitimately be an issue...
Very true.

I figure the women who use the excuse "my feet hurt" are telling the truth. And the ones that don't say it, well, their feet hurt too, it's just that they're happy enough with the dancing that they're willing to put up with the feet.
 
#22
Great, another item I can add to the never ending list of things I don't understander about women.

- Why do young women prefer to only dance with younger partners.
- Why do women start out dating guys their own age and then in their 20's prefer to date older men and inversely change their tastes when they reach their 40s/50s.
- Why do women say they like nice guys and chivalry, but what they really want is the bad boy type.
- Why is the guy in a bar who wears a wedding ring more popular with the ladies than one who doesn't.
- Why do women sit with you for hours telling you their problems but don't want you to help solve them.
- Why can't a woman ask for dances outside of stripclubs.
 
#23
First I'd have to ask why that bugs you so much. As has been mentioned, there are a lot of possible reasons why they didn't want to dance. As long as someone is willing to partner with you, you are learning to dance, and isn't that the main thing?

If you are dancing to improve your confidence, first concentrate on improving your dancing. When your confidence in your dancing goes up, a couple of girls not wanting to dance with you will not be an issue.

As far as supply and demand go, it's not just the proportions of leaders and followers. Ask any 40+ lady about that.
 
#25
...and they're taking advantage of me because they're too hungry for money...
Didn't see this one before I replied before.
Sounds like this is a good studio to leave. I'm familiar with the type. Shop around. There are some places where they make money so they can keep dancing and teaching, and there are some that teach dance to make money. You want to find the first kind.
 
#26
What do you mean? That women 40+ are more accepting of dancing with female leaders or dancing by themselves, or that they are perfectly fine with just socializing?
In a social dance setting, where the ratio of followers to leaders is 3:1, and there are a few young girls, what proportion of the time do you think the young girls will be on the dance floor?
 
#27
Another Possibility:

Sometimes new ballroom dancers, both male and female, are a bit freaked out by the intimacy of partner dancing. In most other aspects of life getting that close to someone means more than just sharing 2-3 minutes. Perhaps the youger women are concerned that dancing with you feels a bit too intimate and would feel "safer" with an older partner.
 
#28
When I dance with the older women (40+), they’re all perfectly ok with dancing with me.
Learn from these women, grasshopper. They'll dance with anyone because they understand that dancing is for dancing, not for finding dates.

Learn also from Mengu, who wisely offered:

I'd say dance with whoever will dance with you, and don't worry about the age or people's behavior so much, worry more about learning what's being taught.
Because, after all, you're there to learn a dance, not find a girlfriend, right? Right? ;)
 
#29
Because, after all, you're there to learn a dance, not find a girlfriend, right? Right? ;)
Right! ;)

Seriously though. The MAIN reason I wanted to learn dancing is because I'm a very shy person with very little confidence. I figured dancing would be a good way to help me with that. I guess you can call it a "therapy" for my shyness.
 
#30
Great, another item I can add to the never ending list of things I don't understander about women...
I assume this is intended as humor, since your first and second points seem to contradict each other. It seem more like it would make sense to replace "don't understand" with "things that bother me". ;)
 
#31
Right! ;)

Seriously though. The MAIN reason I wanted to learn dancing is because I'm a very shy person with very little confidence. I figured dancing would be a good way to help me with that. I guess you can call it a "therapy" for my shyness.
For many reasons, I think it will. That being said, you just got on the train, it's a little optimistic to hope the first stop is your destination. ;)
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#32
Great, another item I can add to the never ending list of things I don't understander about women.

- Why do young women prefer to only dance with younger partners.
- Why do women start out dating guys their own age and then in their 20's prefer to date older men and inversely change their tastes when they reach their 40s/50s.
- Why do women say they like nice guys and chivalry, but what they really want is the bad boy type.
- Why is the guy in a bar who wears a wedding ring more popular with the ladies than one who doesn't.
- Why do women sit with you for hours telling you their problems but don't want you to help solve them.
- Why can't a woman ask for dances outside of stripclubs.
um...we are not going to go off on these tangents...b/c they are not what the thread is about..additionally they are gross over generalizations
 
#33
wiseman. I join TinyDancer109 in welcoming you to DF! I am also relatively new.

I also want to encourage you to stick with it! And please don't let anything deter you or discourage you as you enter this wonderful new world of dance. I am by no means a beginner, but in the situation that you described I would not have turned down a dance from you.

Good luck! And here's to the beginning of your dance life! :cheers:
 
#35
Seriously though. The MAIN reason I wanted to learn dancing is because I'm a very shy person with very little confidence. I figured dancing would be a good way to help me with that. I guess you can call it a "therapy" for my shyness.
Well, if nothing else, you will very likely become more confident in your dancing ability! I can't guarantee that will spill over into other parts of your life, but it might.

Even if it doesn't, you might find that dancing is so much fun that you'll want to keep doing it regardless of whether you enjoy any side benefits!

Oh and I forgot to say, "welcome to Dance Forums."

-IJ
 
#36
I wasn't picking. The instructor asked me to dance with the young ones. For some reason, I guess he wants me to dance with people my own ago.

And middle-aged is about 50+. Some are a tad younger (in their 40s). I had to dance with the older women since I had no choice since the 1 or 2 young ones there had foot pain. But the instructor didn't look too happy that I was dancing with older women, but what can you do? I dance with whoever wants to dance with me.
Sounds like those guys are confused as to whether they are running a dance studio or a dating service.

Although, on a funny side, a few months ago a guy your age asked me to dance at a party, and somehow the conversation went towards how old I was (he asked me if I was training to be a teacher, I told him I was too old for that, he said that at 20-something I couldn't possibly be too old, and I told him I was 36 - that's too old to be training to be a teacher). When he found out how old I was, I guess he went into a state of shock, quietly finished the dance and never asked me again.
 
#37
I should also add that this studio does not rotate partners. They just say "pick any partner and let's try this dance."

And that's why I said the group classes are all over the place. Heh! :D
Well, that answers what I was going to ask!

I say just to not let it bother you, as you don't know what is REALLY going on, and just focus on your dancing.
 
#38
Sounds like those guys are confused as to whether they are running a dance studio or a dating service.
And in all fairness a few dance students out there (not OP, I'm just making a general statement) have similarly conflated intentions. Singles are often advised to take dance lessons to "meet people". And some do, in fact, meet someone for dating in that process (though I have not, personally.)

But yeah, the studio should not be trying to match anyone up. Meeting up, if it's going to happen, will happen in the natural course of things anyway, just as it does at work, school or other places. No need for the dance studio to force it. They should stick to a more professional method of running classes.
 
#39
As a young adult interested in ballroom in the city, the people you want to hang out with are the nyu and columbia students and alumni. And a great place to meet them would be this saturday's usa dance chapter dance which will be held at Manhattan Ballroom at 29 west 36th, or the partner search mixer that will precede it at 7:30.
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
#40
The original post immediately reminded me of when I was going to newcomer classes along with a girl my age who I'd met there, not just because we are the "young girls" you speak of but because often times we did complain that our feet hurt us. Because they did! Because we were getting used to our latin shoes and getting stepped on, not by everyone, but by some. If someone did step on me I may want to sit the next dance out.

Try not to generalize.. It is uncommon for people our age to be in to ballroom dancing and actually want to go to social dances rather than the typical bars and parties. That says something about a person.

ooooh how I don't miss social ballroom for that reason ;)
 

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