pygmalion's dating advice thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
#82
Honestly ...... in this day and age there is no real definition of dating. Because each relationship is so different and complicated. (I have enough single GFs in the dating pool, it has been an eye opener to the kinds of "dating" they are doing)

I believe, you and he will figure out the path your relationship is on and do what is best for the relationship.

While I think it is good to seek advice, ask questions, etc ..... best thing is to just sometimes .... let go. =D


Complacent in any relationship = not good.
Good and lasting relationships allow the balance. The roller coaster so to speak. Sometimes it is complacent, other times exciting, sometimes calm, at times even turbulent. Good and lasting relationships are those relationships that there are days you won't like one another but you realize you still love each other.

You get the idea.

Pygmalion ... have fun in this new relationship, take it one day at a time. If you both are enjoying yourselves ... you both will know when to progress and step things up or not. Nature has a funny way with that!

Hugs :)
 
#83
It's all in a spirit of fun, dearie. :cool:

Have you bought that card yet? ;)
Not yet :p Been mega busy today (makes a change for a Saturday as I'm usually lazy over weekend :D ). Hmm I have a feeling she may be dating someone already. Every girl I fancy is always in a relationship! I must have a cloud over my head or something :(
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#84
Do not talk yourself out of taking a shot. Do. not. do. it! You'll never know if she's dating somebody until you ask. Besides. Remember what I told you yesterday. Forget visions of happily ever after. This is a conversation starter. That's all.

Besides, even if she is dating somebody. So what? Most dating relationships last for a while, then end. What's the harm in putting feelers out there? And she may be dating somebody, but not at the exclusive stage yet. Who's to say she can't have tea and a nice conversation with you?

Step out and take the risk. Regardless of the outcome, you will feel better.

My $0.02. :cool:
 
#89
(Disclaimer: I've never been divorced, nor married...and my dating experiences are limited so I'm sure this is only worth about $0.01) But anyway...

Doesn't matter whether you're just going on dates or dating. Your relationship is however you define it, no need for a label, sometimes labels make everything more complicated.

If you're both honest about what you feel and what you want, there's no harm in taking it slowly. BF and I were pretty slow in becoming a couple (by most people's measures, especially for young'uns like us), but it worked for us. The progression of our relationship happened very naturally, neither of us pushed or pulled, we just fell into it. And it's nice. If it's right, it'll happen.

OTOH (have to play devil's advocate with myself here) there are times when playing it too safe is not good. Go with where you're comfortable.



Oh, and I've never been a fan of bad boys.
 

madmaximus

Well-Known Member
#91
Heh. Lexical atrophy. That's the real culprit. Really.

IMO One of the big reasons people get unclear about dating is that they use a catchall term (ie "dating"), to describe the
entire relationship spectrum.

Roughly:

1 Acquaintance-ship
2 Friend-ship
[Insert Pre-Courtship here if you want]
3 Courtship
4 Pre-engagement
5 Engagement

etc.


While many might see the term "courtship" as arcane or dated, or not even recognize the spectrum above, I think it is still apt.


And It still works as courtship 2010. Like Shakespeare's Romeo and Jules--except in Paris KWIM? she's Russian, very Prada, and in a Bentley. And he's, well, a ballroom bad boy, classically schooled, and insouciant.

But I digress.

The point here is, there are stages, and there are well-defined conventions (which can be broken--or not) for each stage.

(And whether there's physical intimacy or not doesn't really matter.

Heck, you may even skip a step or two.)



Truly, the more things change, the more things remain the same.

[Interesting thread though]





m
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#94
sami said:
whattabout online dating, P. have you tried that, or would you?

Just those few dates a few months back. It's probably worth another try. Since I truly was not in the frame of mind, back then, to date at all, I was also in no state to judge whether online dating could work for me.

Online dating could be one way to explore the available options while keeping the emotional investment low. :cool: OTOH, at the risk of belaboring the point, I am a very physical person. Real, honest-to-God chemistry is an absolute essential for me. Kinda hard to tell if there's chemistry via email or phone, which is where online dating generally starts. *shrug* To me, those top two ARE deal breakers --chemistry and intelligence.

Chemistry + intelligence = romantic possibility
Intelligence w/o chemistry = potential guy friend
Chemistry w/o intelligence = fling :wink:

I'm just sayin'.
 

kckc

Active Member
#95
Just those few dates a few months back. It's probably worth another try. Since I truly was not in the frame of mind, back then, to date at all, I was also in no state to judge whether online dating could work for me.

Online dating could be one way to explore the available options while keeping the emotional investment low. :cool: OTOH, at the risk of belaboring the point, I am a very physical person. Real, honest-to-God chemistry is an absolute essential for me. To me, those top two ARE deal breakers --chemistry and intelligence.

Chemistry + intelligence = romantic possibility
Intelligence w/o chemistry = potential guy friend
Chemistry w/o intelligence = fling :wink:

I'm just sayin'.
those definitions are perfect!
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#96
Heh. Lexical atrophy. That's the real culprit. Really.

IMO One of the big reasons people get unclear about dating is that they use a catchall term (ie "dating"), to describe the
entire relationship spectrum.

Roughly:

1 Acquaintance-ship
2 Friend-ship
[Insert Pre-Courtship here if you want]
3 Courtship
4 Pre-engagement
5 Engagement

etc.
yep, exactly. that's one aspect that i really liked about the M&VonnaDate book, that it outlines a similar structure to the continuum of "dating".

one other aspect i so enjoyed about that book was a rather primal outlining of the classic male & female "jobs" in that courtship process, and an explanation of their purpose... how in courtship the man is showing how he can make the woman happy, and how the woman allows herself to be receptive and appreciative of that, rather than to engage in how she can make the man happy.

personally, i have found that to be a potent point in my own life. and find a lot of value in these classic courtship roles. even despite my independence and lack of marriage-mindedness.

i keep using the word "primal", but TMM it fits. the coming together of archetypal energies through classic courtship experiences can be delicious...:cool:
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#97
hmmm..okay...so here's a question then;...how long do you think it takes to determine chemistry...b/c personally, while I can pick up on intelligence on the first meeting...i have had many relationships where a chemistry developed much much later
 

samina

Well-Known Member
#99
i find "chemistry" to be not as simple a term as most people use it. there are so many kinds of chemistry, some immediately discernable and some which take time to evolve. IME.

i'm very wary of immediately sizzling chemistry... it's nice, but i sure as heck wouldn't bet the farm on it.
 

samina

Well-Known Member
I like those notions Sam...and I have to say that they would be very important to me if I was ever in the market again
they work nicely for me. and definitely guide my general view of "dating".

as independent and capable as i am in every other aspect of my life, i have evolved to become quite purposefully old-school when it comes to courtship matters. a lovely counterpoint to the rest of my life, and i so appreciate men who enjoy that.

with my former SO, even after several years of familiarity, he would still to this day open the car door for me to let me in. i appreciate the care & mindfulness of that...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Dance Ads