Social Dancing: Why So Critical?

twnkltoz

Well-Known Member
#21
I agree, Partner Dancer. I didn't really intend to support the statement that a lot of people quit because of it, just that it's a problem. One of my students did tell me that a woman he worked with came once, had that kind of experience, and never came back because of it. My response is, "Why let one person ruin something you want to do? There are people like this everywhere, not just in dance. Shrug it off, complain about it to your friends, but keep dancing."
 
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Partner Dancer

Well-Known Member
#22
I agree, Partner Dancer. I didn't really intend to support the statement that a lot of people quit because of it, just that it's a problem. One of my students did tell me that a woman he worked with came once, had that kind of experience, and never came back because of it. My response is, "Why let one person ruin something you want to do? There are people like this everywhere, not just in dance. Shrug it off, complain about it to your friends, but keep dancing."
Human nature at it is, we resent being (verbally) told what to do, especially by strangers, far more than being physically manipulated/mangled by partners, probably because we can tell instinctively that the verbiage is offensive but don't have any basis to figure out if the physical manipulation is detrimental or not.

I personally think leaders who throw around, dip, lift, etc., newbies/strangers to be far more of a problem than those that teach on the floor, mostly because of potential physical (as opposed to emotional) injury. And plenty of experienced leaders (including instructors) do this because they think themselves cool.
 
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Dr Dance

Well-Known Member
#25
Guys seem to have a need to fix things. It's bad behavior. My advice is to stop dancing and ask him to clarify what he means. Hopefully the music will be finished before his lesson. Say thanks, and try to avoid him in the future.

Confronting him will accomplish nothing but to get both of you angry.
I respectfully disagree. Sometimes, "confronting him" is the preferred choice. I believe that this was one of them.

MintyMe, you need not get angry or snarky when you confront. All you needed to do was let him know that criticizing your dancing at the time was not acceptable to you. This is called "sticking up for yourself."
 
#26
Yes it's rude. Unless you feel it would be useful (for either you or him) to stand up for yourself, just avoid him in the future (even if that means saying "no thank you" to dancing with him if he asks, which can be considered a bit rude, but definitely less rude than the unsolicited critiques). There is one such gentleman that I avoid for this same reason.
It wouldn't be rude at all to decline. Dancing is a choice, not an obligation. Certainly don't feel constrained to sit out the dance after declining him.
 

tangotime

Well-Known Member
#27
Hi everyone,

At a recent social dance, I danced with a stranger (a man I'd never met or seen out dancing before) and I thought we danced well together.

He asked me to dance again, but during the second dance he never stopped criticizing me. Apparently, (according to him) everything I did was wrong.

Throughout the entire second dance, he went on and on and on, offering non-stop petty, distracting criticisms, his idea of "instruction" I suppose--most of which I knew were incorrect anyway.

(I feel like I should defend myself by saying I'm a very skilled social dancer bla bla bla but even if I were an inexperienced dancer, this is rude, right?)

I'm just curious to see if this happens to other dancers, or why other dancers might do it, or how to handle it in the future.

I'm mad at myself for just smiling pleasantly the whole time he picked me apart when I really wish I would have somehow shut him up.

Thanks.
A Foot in his mouth ?:oops:..My guess , hes from " jerks are us "..
 

tangotime

Well-Known Member
#28
As a leader, I seldom get criticized by my follower in the social arena. Once in awhile, it happens. I shrug it off as an anomaly.

I can see how more leaders would criticize followers than the other way around. If not solicited, I believe that it's rude behavior.

Did you ask him, "Are you a dance instructor?"

If his answer is "no," then ask him to keep his opinions about your dancing to himself.

If his answer is "yes," then thank him for his free appraisal. (Even though it rubbed you the wrong way.) But in the future, could he restrict criticisms to lessons, not the social arena.

As most of us pros would agree, we do NOT give advice, during a social dance ( even if asked for ) .
 

Dr Dance

Well-Known Member
#31
As most of us pros would agree, we do NOT give advice, during a social dance ( even if asked for ) .
I absolutely concur. "Most" pros worth their salt would not criticize during a social dance.

HOWEVER, there does exist a breed of fledgling teachers who WILL do this. They are "trolling" for new students. The criticism often ends with a sales pitch.

"I could help you improve your skills if you would sign up for private lessons."

But even THOSE people are usually not "caustic." They'll mix in a little faint praise to help grease your palms. Yet occasionally, a misguided newbie teach does lay it on a bit unpleasantly thick.

Let the buyer beware.
 
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#32
Moreover, in a real lesson a teacher usually would not proceed to enumerate thing after thing after thing a student is doing wrong and needs to improve. Of course, a beginner has a lot to work on, and it is not possible to learn and correct it all at once.
Also, instructors usually notice and point out the stuff the students are doing right. ;)
 

Loki

Well-Known Member
#34
Sometimes people need to be an "expert" for whatever reason. My usual response is to thank them and ignore their advice unless it seems valid. After that, I simply don't engage with them again.
 

IndyLady

Well-Known Member
#35
When and why did it become rude to not accept every single dance offered to you?
I said it *can* be considered rude, not that it always is. Depends on the venue/context. And especially if you decline, but then immediately accept an offer from a different gentleman for the same song - you are definitely sending a message to gentleman #1, intentionally or not - there are other threads around here where that is discussed.
 

Dr Dance

Well-Known Member
#36
Moreover, in a real lesson a teacher usually would not proceed to enumerate thing after thing after thing a student is doing wrong and needs to improve. Of course, a beginner has a lot to work on, and it is not possible to learn and correct it all at once.
Also, instructors usually notice and point out the stuff the students are doing right. ;)
This reminds me of one of my former teachers who liked to "shotgun" everything that I needed to learn at the time all at once. Her theory was that I could "take what I can" from her myriad volumes of criticism. However, I only ended up overwhelmed and confused. No names, please? :)
 

twnkltoz

Well-Known Member
#39
The delivery also has a lot to do with it. If the man says, "I've noticed you do such and such. Have you tried such and such instead?" or "is there something I'm doing that's causing you to step that way?" less effective are statements like "none of you girls will do a molinette to the right" or "you're not supposed to put your foot down there. I was keeping your center over your other foot." Well excuse the crap out of me.
 

Hedwaite

Well-Known Member
#40
I had one of those teachers, too. NOTHING "stuck", inevitably, and we switched. Every teacher has something different for better or worse than another, but the one we're with now is a great all-around package for us.
 
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