Taking Ballroom to the Bedroom

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#1
I have been dancing for awhile now and I feel I'm getting good at several different styles. The ladies I dance with give me very positive feedback so I am sure that my dancing is doing OK.

Many ladies I know are insulted if I don't dance with them, so it's fair to say I have a following.

The problem with all of this is one thing -- although ladies dance with me and they are friends on the floor, they never ask me to their place to have sex.

Is there a few pointers that should tell me whether I did it right or night.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#2
IMV, this does not belong on a dance thread, though I will leave it here...for now...this is not a dance related question...it is a dating, or more accurately, a "bedding" question...women enjoying dancing with you has little to nothing to do with whether or not they'd like to sleep with you... and if you want advice on how to get women to ask you for sex, you are going to have take that elsewhere...I really am astonished that you find that the two would be correlated and/or that that is your intent (attraction, maybe---though not neccessarily, asking your for sex? not so much)....frankly, I don't know of any women who out and out ask people for sex due to a casual association related to someone dancing well...there may be some but it is doubtful that they are hanging out at a ballroom studio (and you do use the word ballroom in your title)....now, if you are talking about dances at bars, then dude, you do conclusively have a problem as that is only a matter of how much liquor you pour on it ....but by and large, a man who has a dance following has one because the number of men who dance proficiently in a social setting isn't always very large....perhaps you need to ask some of them out and see what they say, but it is beyond bizarre to me to be puzzled as to why they aren't asking to bed you...particularly if you aren't talking about dating and are merely looking for a romp in the hay....maybe I am just getting too old...oy
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#4
I sincerely hope you are right...but I am not in the habit of laughing outright at something that someone else may actually mean...and I have seen it all around here
 
#5
IMV, this does not belong on a dance thread, though I will leave it here...for now...this is not a dance related question...it is a dating, or more accurately, a "bedding" question...women enjoying dancing with you has little to nothing to do with whether or not they'd like to sleep with you...
I disagree that this isn't a topic for this forum. It's been touched on many times -- I'm just being more blunt than the other threads.

So, why doesn't good dance translate into bedding? I have read in many places that for women dance is the same as foreplay. Wouldn't good foreplay lead to the bedroom at some point?
 

Lioness

Well-Known Member
#7
I disagree that this isn't a topic for this forum. It's been touched on many times -- I'm just being more blunt than the other threads.

So, why doesn't good dance translate into bedding? I have read in many places that for women dance is the same as foreplay. Wouldn't good foreplay lead to the bedroom at some point?
I really do think that depends on the woman...and perhaps which type of dance you're doing...
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#8
I think there are alot of steps and degrees between some attraction and a woman asking a man for sex....alot...I also think that most of the time, being in demand to dance with may not imply anything about one's attractiveness for potential sex...since you are in demand to dance with and not getting sex I can only presume that they aren't attracted...which means your issue ISN"T a dance issue...THAT is my point...your real issue is how to get women into your bed...as clearly dance skill isn't working...therefore, it really belongs more in the non dance area of the forum...but, as I said, I will leave it as is...again, since you specified ballroom...I just don't think that many women who are inclined to hop straight into bed based on dance skill are hanging out at ballroom studios...and if they were, they'd be after the pros
 
#9
I disagree that this isn't a topic for this forum. It's been touched on many times -- I'm just being more blunt than the other threads.

So, why doesn't good dance translate into bedding? I have read in many places that for women dance is the same as foreplay. Wouldn't good foreplay lead to the bedroom at some point?
I agree that this is a suitable topic for this forum. All one has to do is see the many responses to your post in only a short period of time. I don't really have a response to your question, other than to say that I look forward to reading the responses from the persons that do. Thus far the responses have been quite interesting. I also think that you stated in a prior post that you are married, that you wear a wedding ring, and that you make it clear to the women that you are dancing with that that is the situation. I am assuming perhaps incorrectly that you are either divorced, separated or even more likely that you find your marriage unsatisfying. If the latter is the case, I can understand why you take dance lessons and in a way the purpose of your question. ;)
 

3wishes

Well-Known Member
#11
Go dance at a social bar scene where there is alcohol abounding, you might have better luck with what seems to be your ultimate goal, if that is truly what your after - and not just a dance partner or acquaintance.
 

suburbaknght

Well-Known Member
#12
An interest in X with someone is not an interest in having sex with them.

X can be dancing, talking, sharing a drink, watching a movie, going on a date, discussing one's past, or anything else. The two simply do not equate in any sense.

Now dancing can be a way to get to know someone at which point he or she may decide to go to bed with you, but the relevant part of that statement is "get to know."

The rule of thumb I give my social students is if a man/woman wants to talk with you after the song is over, he or she is probably interested in you as more than a dance partner, but that does not mean they are interested in you romantically or sexually. They could be being friendly and sociable, they may have a deeper interest, or they may be deciding if there's a deeper interest. You can't know from a dance. You have to interact after the dance and see if there's an interest, just as one would in any other social situation.

What dancing does is open the door. It gives you a way to introduce yourself so that you can interact and try to pique on another's interest, but it is by no means a guarantee or even necessarily a motivator of sexual or romantic interest.

I would ask people not to jump down the OP's throat. Many people of both genders first develop an interest in dance in order to meet sexual or romantic partners and there is nothing wrong with this. I applaud the OP for having the courage to understand the culture better. Rbazsz, the other side of it, however, is not holding the women you dance with to the expectation that they will sleep with you simply because they dance with you.
 

laucy.my

Active Member
#13
I think there are alot of steps and degrees between some attraction and a woman asking a man for sex....alot...I also think that most of the time, being in demand to dance with may not imply anything about one's attractiveness for potential sex...since you are in demand to dance with and not getting sex I can only presume that they aren't attracted...which means your issue ISN"T a dance issue...THAT is my point...your real issue is how to get women into your bed...as clearly dance skill isn't working...therefore, it really belongs more in the non dance area of the forum...but, as I said, I will leave it as is...again, since you specified ballroom...I just don't think that many women who are inclined to hop straight into bed based on dance skill are hanging out at ballroom studios...and if they were, they'd be after the pros
Ditto that!
 
#14
An interest in X with someone is not an interest in having sex with them.

X can be dancing, talking, sharing a drink, watching a movie, going on a date, discussing one's past, or anything else. The two simply do not equate in any sense.

Now dancing can be a way to get to know someone at which point he or she may decide to go to bed with you, but the relevant part of that statement is "get to know."

The rule of thumb I give my social students is if a man/woman wants to talk with you after the song is over, he or she is probably interested in you as more than a dance partner, but that does not mean they are interested in you romantically or sexually. They could be being friendly and sociable, they may have a deeper interest, or they may be deciding if there's a deeper interest. You can't know from a dance. You have to interact after the dance and see if there's an interest, just as one would in any other social situation.

What dancing does is open the door. It gives you a way to introduce yourself so that you can interact and try to pique on another's interest, but it is by no means a guarantee or even necessarily a motivator of sexual or romantic interest.

I would ask people not to jump down the OP's throat. Many people of both genders first develop an interest in dance in order to meet sexual or romantic partners and there is nothing wrong with this. I applaud the OP for having the courage to understand the culture better. Rbazsz, the other side of it, however, is not holding the women you dance with to the expectation that they will sleep with you simply because they dance with you.
I too applaud and congratulate Rbazsz for having the courage to bring this subject up.
 

wooh

Well-Known Member
#15
How to get laid by dancing ballroom:
Leave the ballroom.
Go down the street.
Depending on the neighborhood, you may have to walk a couple blocks.
See woman on street corner.
Pay her the going rate.


Next guy that comes here and wants to know why women in the dance scene are skittish around them?
THIS thread.
 

Sagitta

Well-Known Member
#16
hmmm...I tell my students the same as suburbaknght did. It is the amount of time someone interacts with you and where off the dance floor than expresses their interest in you as a person. This means at the dance, socializing and not dancing and out of the dance scene as well.

This is not to say that there are women/ladies who go out with the intent of having casual sex and who sometimes don't need even much solializing off the dance floor to go home with you, but those are very few, very very few in the ballroom world of dance.
 

danceronice

Well-Known Member
#17
I disagree that this isn't a topic for this forum. It's been touched on many times -- I'm just being more blunt than the other threads.

So, why doesn't good dance translate into bedding? I have read in many places that for women dance is the same as foreplay. Wouldn't good foreplay lead to the bedroom at some point?
If I don't find you physically attractive, you're not getting to first base no matter how good a dancer you are.

And frankly, most (ie 99% of the men I social-dance with who are also available) aren't especially attractive. The 1% who are socially available are usually professionally unavailable/inappropriate (ie teachers) or gay.

Plus, have you tried actually dating someone before expecting them to sleep with you? It usually works better. You want someone who doesn't need any preliminaries and is okay with strangers, see the post regarding ladies of negotiable virtue.
 
#18
In general, I think it can be good to go for the high percentage play. With regard to the bedroom, I would say the spouse is the percentage play.
I go to dance lessons but my wife refuses to go with me. I made it very clear to her that she is welcome to come to any of my lessons but so far she has declined. My case seems to the a role reversal from the usual story.
Yes, my dancing lessons are a potential for trouble even though we both have other interests. My wife is suspicious about my motivations for wanting to dance. I don't know if the problems will fester but I suspect they will. One thing for sure is that I'm going to continue to dance.
I spend less time with my wife because she doesn't dance.
Since getting married I have learned that #3 should be "always your fault".

In dancing I might modify that to be: "always your fault unless your instructor says otherwise".

Note: I don't dance with my wife, however my modified rule applies whenever the female gender is involved. Guys -- you are wrong so deal with it.
I asked my wife if she would help me to sew the straps on but she lacked any hint of compassion. She brought a box to me of sewing stuff and told me I'm on my own. I asked her what needle I should use but instead of helping me she said that I should use whichever one I think is best. Her reaction is no surprise because she scoffs at me for taking ballet lessons and thinks it would look stupid for me to be prancing around in ballet slippers.
There are plenty of women that don't want to dance -- I'm married to one of them!
I'm with you all the way. I'm a married man and don't need to get into that kind of trouble. If you ask me the regular dances are sexy enough.
My wife refuses to go dancing with me and won't take lessons. I have never quite figure out why. Recently I was at a swing dance event and had a conversation with a woman who was surprisingly blunt. They all know I'm married because of my ring. I think that's one of the first things women pay attention to when we offer our hand. This is how it went:

Her: Where is your wife?

Me: She won't come to dances so I come by myself.

Her: You invite her and she doesn't come??? (Puzzled and shocked look on her face)

Me: Yes, that's right.

Her: So, she is handing you over to us.

Me: blushing, and didn't say much

Her: Do you have children together.

Me: No.

Her: Good. Less people will be hurt during the transition.

Me: It might still work if I keep asking her.

Her: Sure honey, keep trying.
Then again, maybe not...
OK, I'm going to drop a bombshell here, for which I fully am prepared to be pummeled for: I believe that women that won't dance are far less likely to want sex.

OK, there it is -- I had to say it.
Hmmm...
Point well made, but I just don't think it's the same issue for men and women. For men there is no correlation between desire to dance and enjoying sex. For women there is.
 
#19
If I don't find you physically attractive, you're not getting to first base no matter how good a dancer you are.

And frankly, most (ie 99% of the men I social-dance with who are also available) aren't especially attractive. The 1% who are socially available are usually professionally unavailable/inappropriate (ie teachers) or gay.

Plus, have you tried actually dating someone before expecting them to sleep with you? It usually works better. You want someone who doesn't need any preliminaries and is okay with strangers, see the post regarding ladies of negotiable virtue.
You state, "And frankly, most (ie 99% of the men I social-dance with who are also available) aren't especially attractive. The 1% who are socially available are usually professionally unavailable/inappropriate (ie teachers) or gay." That is 100% of the men that you appear to find unavailable-either not especially attractive or gay or instructors. Based on those figures and statements, why do you "social-dance" at all? :confused:
 
#20
Also, I also think that you stated in a prior post that you are married, that you wear a wedding ring, and that you make it clear to the women that you are dancing with that that is the situation. I am assuming perhaps incorrectly that you are either divorced, separated or even more likely that you find your marriage unsatisfying. If the latter is the case, I can understand why you take dance lessons and in a way the purpose of your question. ;)
TC, I recall seeing those comments that Rbazsz made above as well. You verified what I correctly recalled seeing. My guess is that Rbazsz may or may not still be marred. In any event, I would doubt that he is wearing a wedding ring. In addition, I would suspect that he is telling women at that studio, that he is separated or divorced-whether he is or not.
 
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