Taking Ballroom to the Bedroom

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CANI

Active Member
to be clear, CANI, i don't recall ever saying "it would never happen in ballroom", and if i gave that impression it's far from my intention. i thought i had clearly suggested my agreement that things can happen anywhere...even at shop rite.

i've been groped more times than i can count in ballroom, and have dealt with predation in the community as well, though usually it is masked by a rather desperate romantic sensibility. i have plenty of personal experience related to how people can come together in ballroom -- and we've certainly talked scads about it on this site.

notwithstanding that, having danced a lot in both ballroom and latin venues, as well a goodly amount in the WCS community, after having the benefit of a lot of comparison in those cultures...still, ballroom does not strike me as a place where women generally attend with a mindset of hooking up sexually. things might happen, as they might anywhere, but the odds are not high...similar to the shop rite scenario. if a guy is sniffing around ballroom socials for sex, it's not exactly like shooting fish in a barrel...like some other venues might be.

one additional point: being resolutely of the don't-mix-dancing-with-dating camp myself, that is in fact no impediment to gauging the difference of these cultures, unless you would be judging them based on your own initiative.
Samina, to be clear;), I never said you said "it would never happen in ballroom"...my comments in this thread have not been directed at you...and that point was merely reinforcing the point I had made in agreement with bia's point...

And, to be clear;), I didn't say that being in the don't-mix-dancing-with-dating-camp was an impediment to you gauging the difference in cultures...merely to me...I don't see initiative as being related to this point...but if it is to you, that's cool...
 

samina

Well-Known Member
for me, it's bachata, ww... :cool:

and yep, intention supported by clearly held values & reasons. otherwise...any woman dancing as much as we have in the latin scene would be lost in about 2 seconds flat, heh.
 

samina

Well-Known Member
Samina, to be clear;), I never said you said "it would never happen in ballroom"...my comments in this thread have not been directed at you...and that point was merely reinforcing the point I had made in agreement with bia's point...

And, to be clear;), I didn't say that being in the don't-mix-dancing-with-dating-camp was an impediment to you gauging the difference in cultures...merely to me...I don't see initiative as being related to this point...but if it is to you, that's cool...
that's fine, thanks for clarifying. i was just being clear myself, as a response to your comments under my own quoted comments...in case we were miscommunicating.
 

DL

Well-Known Member
Another aspect--I don't do ballroom socials that aren't associated with instructional studios. They tend to have a core group of clients who come to the socials and who also take lessons there. I can't really see studio owners/managers having a high tolerance for people using it as a meat market if they made a real habit of it. Casual pickups tend to go sour. You don't want a regular getting a reputation for picking up women and dropping them, unless you want the women to quit coming. Nor do you really want the word getting around that that's what people go to your parties for. Bad for business.
There's an instructional studio in my area whose socials I quit attending because the proprietors specifically seemed to be courting the nightclub/meat-market crowd. There was increased "glitz" -- and even burlesque shows -- and much diminished actual ballroom dancing. If the market segment to which they now cater is more profitable for them, then I guess they made a good business decision; but it's not my cup of tea.
 

wonderwoman

Well-Known Member
for me, it's bachata, ww... :cool:

and yep, intention supported by clearly held values & reasons. otherwise...any woman dancing as much as we have in the latin scene would be lost in about 2 seconds flat, heh.
I used to like bachata when it would result in a super hot dance with a stranger, and not one word being exchanged.. Now its turned in to chat time, whether thats simply to catch up with a friend or flirt with someone. We cant talk during salsa.

Last winter my scene got bachata fever.. I don't know, it got cold, we started to huddle for warmth? And it was kinda sexy at first, we had a bachata night at a teacher's home studio and it was a small group of regulars to salsa nights, like 10 of us.. candles lit all around the room.. I met someone, but nobody else did lol.. then they took that idea out to a bar and it went from romantic and cozy to seedy and dirty. It was a weekly contest of last man/woman standing at 2am. Anyway I think it mostly succeeded in spreading the flu all around. I got SO sick!

I guess what I'm trying to say... is get your flu shots? I don't know I'm tired and rambling.
 
Honestly I still can't believe someone seriously asked why his female dance partners haven't offered to hook up with him in bed. Really? I mean, that was an actual expectation?

Don't get me wrong, many of us single women would be glad to meet a man through dancing - but we want conversation, normal dates, a romance, a relationship...not a cheap hookup. If that's what you want, go to a regular bar, I guess.
 

samina

Well-Known Member
I used to like bachata when it would result in a super hot dance with a stranger, and not one word being exchanged.. Now its turned in to chat time, whether thats simply to catch up with a friend or flirt with someone. We cant talk during salsa.
am so not interested in chatting during bachata, lolz.

am reminded of one latin venue i went to last year, outside of tampa...the first bachata of the evening, shortly after 10pm, was utterly obscene. and the way the women were dancing generally was quite remarkable and in a style of so overtly "asking for it", i had to come up with a new name to describe it: "put-your-stank-on" latin. oof.

very much not my scene, but that was surely an excellent venue for shooting fish in a barrel. i could PM the OP the name of the place if he's interested...;)
 
notwithstanding that, having danced a lot in both ballroom and latin venues, as well a goodly amount in the WCS community, after having the benefit of a lot of comparison in those cultures...still, ballroom does not strike me as a place where women generally attend with a mindset of hooking up sexually. things might happen, as they might anywhere, but the odds are not high...similar to the shop rite scenario. if a guy is sniffing around ballroom socials for sex, it's not exactly like shooting fish in a barrel...like some other venues might be.
The evidence I have observed would suggest that you are correct. Some people call dance an advanced form of foreplay, but perhaps that characterization isn't true in ballrooms.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
There are dozens of DF threads regarding the need for dancers to understand the separation between dance-related, necessary physical contact and sexual intimacy. Dozens. It's a dichotomy that, IMHO, has grown out of necessity -- the desire to study dance while having a SO who doesn't dance; the need to dance competitively with a pro who is gorgeous but not interested, etc. There are too many scenarios to recount. Dance != sex.

The fact that one chooses to ignore this divide won't make it go away. It's there for a reason and serves a useful purpose, IMO.

If one wants to get laid, go to a pick-up joint. If one wants to ballroom dance, go to a ballroom. I don't think the twain will be meeting anytime soon,** although I could be wrong.

If one wants to dance at a pick-up joint, ask someone who has mentioned a steamy dance scene, and go there.




** There are exceptions to everything, of course. People do meet in the most unlikely places. But, as a rule, ballrooms are not pick-up joints, in my observation.
 
Honestly I still can't believe someone seriously asked why his female dance partners haven't offered to hook up with him in bed. Really? I mean, that was an actual expectation?

Don't get me wrong, many of us single women would be glad to meet a man through dancing - but we want conversation, normal dates, a romance, a relationship...not a cheap hookup. If that's what you want, go to a regular bar, I guess.
It seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, so I am as surprised by your response as you are by my question.
 
It seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, so I am as surprised by your response as you are by my question.
Rbazsz, If I remember correctly, you stated in a prior post that dancing was costing you a lot of money, and that you really believed in private lessons. I am assuming that you have spent thousands of dollars on private lessons. Have you considered asking your private lesson teacher, why women are not asking you to get in the sack with them? After all, don't you want to get your money's worth out of those private lessons? If you think your question is "a perfectly reasonable thing to ask" here; it, should be "a perfectly reasonable question to ask" her? ;)
 
Rbazsz, If I remember correctly, you stated in a prior post that dancing was costing you a lot of money, and that you really believed in private lessons. I am assuming that you have spent thousands of dollars on private lessons. Have you considered asking your private lesson teacher, why women are not asking you to get in the sack with them? After all, don't you want to get your money's worth out of those private lessons? If you think your question is "a perfectly reasonable thing to ask" here; it, should be "a perfectly reasonable question to ask" her? ;)
I doubt my instructor would consider relationship questions to be part of her curriculum -- although she has coached me on ballroom etiquette. Besides, the lessons are expensive, so I wouldn't want to spend time talking when we could be working on dancing. :cool:
 

Lioness

Well-Known Member
I doubt my instructor would consider relationship questions to be part of her curriculum -- although she has coached me on ballroom etiquette. Besides, the lessons are expensive, so I wouldn't want to spend time talking when we could be working on dancing. :cool:
Perhaps the ladies you dance with think that their time with you would be much better spent dancing than doing anything else...
 
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