The Innocent Crush, another perspective

samina

Well-Known Member
#61
Seems to be a general concensus in these crush threads that the person crushing is typically new to dance...most cases it is a first instructor, first partner, etc. Probably the first time they are experiencing such close quarters with a stranger (in the beginning anyway), high emotional/physical charge of partner dancing, etc. Not to say it doesn't happen further along in one's dance "career", just seems by then we're either able to handle better or not posting about it since we've experienced before ;)
My own theory is that beginning to dance usually correlates with an "opening" in one's life of some kind...something in the person is ready to be found and felt and expressed. So they start their lessons, and moving around physically, and it starts activating that 2nd chakra in the pelvis, which is all about both physical and emotional movement, and desire, and connection and intimacy. You get someone who's had a sleepy 2nd chakra for any length of time, and stuff is gonna start pouring out! They start to feel the *pleasure* of movement and the proximity of such warmth and connection and *feeling*.

Within the pool of instructors, the new dancer gravitates to the one that feels "right", unaware of all the powerful dynamics that such a simple thing touches upon. And suddenly...*crush*.

Painful or not, there's a lotta good stuff that gets brought to the surface during such times.
 
#62
Oh wow...boy do I relate to this thread! :applause:

I have mentioned in passing before that I, too, have a harmless pseudo-crush on my pro. I have for about 5 years now, since I met him when he was helping coach my college team. Back then, I just kinda pushed it aside - he was quite a bit older than me, and quite happy with his gf (who was also his pro partner) at the time. It was more of a "I am in awe of you and respect you because you can dance how I want to" kind of crush.

Well I just started back up with dancing after a 3 year absence due to illness, and I'm taking lessons with him. He has since broken up with his gf (although she is still his pro partner), and I find that he is a lot more outgoing and easy to talk to now that he is not with her - she has a much stronger personality than he does, and I think he tended to let her take center stage in social situations when they were together. I am also in a much better (and mature!) place than I was 5 years ago, and he admits he no longer thinks of me as the "cute jailbait" that he coached 5 years ago. We get along well, and our conversations come with ease. There is a mutual respect now, as well as a subtle physical attraction (which I have absolutely no intent of pursuing anytime soon!)

The point is - I can totally relate to everything you are going thru, P&B. I find myself pushing myself harder to practice and focus in order to show him that I respect him as a teacher, and that I don't let his effort go to waste. I too find myself trying to create a lifestyle for myself outside of dance that he might "respect" or "approve" of - that alone has gotten me into the gym, out with friends, or spending a quite evening out on the back porch, enjoying the stars (he's a big outdoorsman). There's also the little exciting things that come for a girl when she's trying to impress a guy - I might put a bit more effort into the outfits I wear to practice, or take the time to curl my hair or paint my nails. And even if he doesn't notice it (although he usually does), I still get the satisfaction of knowing that I am a hot piece ;-) Even if I don't expect anything to happen, there's still the subtle excitement that comes with every practice - the jokes we'll crack, the things we'll talk about, the way we'll tease each other. And at the end of the day, I'm fine with just that :)
 
#64
But if you are stuck crushing on any one person, you can get all that excitement from attention from many many people, not just one.
I used to be the type that would love the attention of several guys at once. The trade-off? I never got to know any of them really well. I only knew each of them on a fairly superficial level, which wasn't nearly as rewarding as knowing one person on an intimate level. I'd rather crush on one guy heavily than several guys lightly. But maybe that's just cause no other guys have caught my eye yet...who knows what could happen? ;)

And the advantage of hands-off crushing? It really gives you a chance to get to know someone as a friend, without physical things getting in the way. Then, down the road, if you know someone really well and there still is a possibly for something more than friendship, you've built a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.

But I seriously doubt anything serious would ever come of this...he is my pro, after all...and not Mark Ballas :cool:
 
#65
And the advantage of hands-off crushing? It really gives you a chance to get to know someone as a friend, without physical things getting in the way. Then, down the road, if you know someone really well and there still is a possibly for something more than friendship, you've built a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.
And if it doesn't work out - your loss is twice as much. You've lost an SO, and you've also lost a pre-romance friend who was already very dear to you. :snake:
 
#66
My own theory is that beginning to dance usually correlates with an "opening" in one's life of some kind...something in the person is ready to be found and felt and expressed. So they start their lessons, and moving around physically, and it starts activating that 2nd chakra in the pelvis, which is all about both physical and emotional movement, and desire, and connection and intimacy. You get someone who's had a sleepy 2nd chakra for any length of time, and stuff is gonna start pouring out! They start to feel the *pleasure* of movement and the proximity of such warmth and connection and *feeling*.

Within the pool of instructors, the new dancer gravitates to the one that feels "right", unaware of all the powerful dynamics that such a simple thing touches upon. And suddenly...*crush*.

Painful or not, there's a lotta good stuff that gets brought to the surface during such times.
This is the best explanation I've heard...sleepy 2nd chakra talk makes me blush :smile:
 

Purr

Well-Known Member
#67
And if it doesn't work out - your loss is twice as much. You've lost an SO, and you've also lost a pre-romance friend who was already very dear to you. :snake:
Perhaps the solution is not to get involved with anyone. You won't be risking that your feelings will get hurt later. Then, you can have a nice life by yourself.
 

nucat78

Active Member
#73
My own theory is that beginning to dance usually correlates with an "opening" in one's life of some kind...something in the person is ready to be found and felt and expressed.
Are you clairvoyant? I'd been in a three year long relationship with a woman who I thought was a gift from God. It started out great and although we knew we'd face some rough times once she really started working on her doctorate, we felt we had a good foundation. Prior to starting dance with her, I had been feeling increasingly that I was not a priority at all. Not her fault, she was busting her *ss in school, but I was very dissatisfied limited to spending 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon playing tennis with my "SO".

Within the pool of instructors, the new dancer gravitates to the one that feels "right", unaware of all the powerful dynamics that such a simple thing touches upon. And suddenly...*crush*.
Yow! Bingo! :notworth::notworth::notworth:

BTW, I was looking for some chakra the other night cuz I wanted to make gumbo but they only had canned chakra, not fresh.
 

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