Uncomfortable with my wife ballroom dancing with other men

madmaximus

Well-Known Member
#82
Sorry, didn't mean to be abrupt.

I think it was when I was still in SF (either at the IGB or Rhona's).

It's been a while--or did my memory just short out.





m
 
#86
I have been away from this for a couple days. Thanks for all the continuing input. Some of it has been very helpful. So I went to her session with the instructor the other day and for the most part everything went well - they were working on some footwork stuff separate from each other in pretty much a social hold. Then in the final 5 minutes they put a bunch of it together and I had a really hard time. I have watched a lot of QuickStep routines on YouTube from competitions to Dancing with the Stars, etc... The level of contact in my their routine is far greater than anything I have seen on YouTube.

I had a talk last week with a male instructor from another studio a couple hours from where we live. It was quite helpful. This studio is an a much more populous area and they have told me that the discussion I have had with him is very normal and one that they have regarding the woman or the man in many styles of dance. I talked to him again yesterday and I arranged for some lesson time today. They are going to demo 3 versions of the same QuickStep routine for me and then sit down and discuss how they approach this when it comes up with their students and significant others. I'll let you know how it goes.
 

stash

Well-Known Member
#87
I would say look at professional videos from competitions or showcases, rather than Dancing with the Stars videos. DWTS isn't a good representation of good ballroom dancing, and good frame and positioning. I would recommend looking at Domenico and Gioia as they have fantastic quickstep routines. You will see that there connection is pretty much body to body.

Here is one of their competition videos. They are the couple where the lady is in yellow and pink.
 

ralf

Active Member
#88
DWTS isn't a good representation of good ballroom dancing, and good frame and positioning.
Exactly. Although the talk is always about "learning the dance", what the contestants are really doing is learning a choreography that is more-or-less[*] in the style of the named dance for the week.

[*]Sometimes _much_ less. The recent "lindy hop" routine got a universal groan from lindy hoppers because it was really a dual solo-Charleston routine with some lifts..... C'mon, a "lindy hop" routine with not a single swing out??!!!?
 
#89
I had a lesson today with 2 instructors - husband and wife regarding my issue with contact between my wife and her instructor in the QuickStep routine they are working on. We had a great discussion and they did 3 quickstep routines for me, showed me some video and we discussed the conversations they have with their students.

The routines - Competition, Graceful and Provocative. They told me to think of her as my wife in all 3. I was a little uncomfortable with the Competition, had very little discomfort with the GraceFul and was extremely uncomfortable with the Provocative.

Their view was that the issue should be discussed between my wife, myself and the instructor. They see these issues on a regular basis and if they know of the issue and it is not resolved they will discontinue working with the student.

The feel strongly that dance is for fun for 99+% of people and that these types of issues can almost always be resolved.

I have to run but will post some more details later. I had typed a longer post a little while ago but for some reason when I posted it didn't go in.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#90
A) I don't get the three distinctions
B) I don't get why after all of this feedback it is still an issue...you seem to need talk with her instructor...but the bottom line is that no one can make you comfortable with it...you are going to have to decide to be okay with it...best to you on that
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#93
right...I mean, WTH, who has ever heard of three varieties of QS and them being : competitive, graceful, and provocative....makes me wonder what kind of outfit they are frequenting...no offense
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#96
and, I have to say that if a spouse of a student approached an instructor about this sort of thing in more than a passing query on it, I think it would probably really spook most instructors on dancing with that student...I mean it is one thing to say: I am a tad uncomfortable with what looks like a lot of physical contact, can you talk to me about that?...it is another thing to need to probe the subject in depth...it would be a yellow light for me....I think it may be time to just deal with internally
 

bia

Well-Known Member
#97
Well, in a broader sense, of course there are stylistic choices that can make a particular showdance routine convey different moods, some of which could be troubling to a spouse, though I agree that furthest I can imagine a quickstep routine going is flirty. Still, I commend the OP for searching out info. I hear where the other reactions are coming from, but that wasn't my reaction on reading the OP's post -- I interpreted the instructors as just showing some of the different stylistic variation possible within a particular dance.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#98
I can maybe see flirty...but I cannot fathom provocative...but beyond that, contact is irrespective of all of that in quickstep...it is present in all three...so is the issue contact, or is the issue the emoting...or is the issue the spouses' insecurity?
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
#99
and the thing is, I get the tendency to be alarmed by it, and I empathize.... but there is a point in time where you simply accept and cope...and the amount of consulting on this that has already occurred seems like a very sufficient amount unless there are other outstanding issues
 

JANATHOME

Well-Known Member
Didn't he say that he took a lesson a few hours away from where his wife takes lessons? So they are not frequenting the same strange studio. Maybe the dance couple asked him to think about quickstep as provocative to help him see there really is no such thing... Who knows what they were thinking in trying to help him....

Still seems the conversation has to take place between him and his wife not op speaking directly with wifes instructor.
 

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