CC, it's not about becoming a "slave" or the woman leading. It's about inviting your partner, and if she doesn't come along, then adjusting. You don't sound so much as concerned about men becoming slaves as you do about women NOT BEING SLAVES. A woman saying no to your lead is no excuse for dragging/pulling/picking them up. She's not a slave either!
There was a thread once where you were upset your pro wouldn't risk her life and career so you could do a lift. I think it's important to remember in partner dancing: It's NOT all about YOU!!
If you want it to be all about what you want, get into some sort of solo dancing. There's hip hop and lyrical classes all over the place!