Whining Thread #2

Hedwaite

Well-Known Member
Must not rise to the bait of masters.
Must be patient for cheapie whore-pink shoes to arrive.
Who the hell put this screen-protector on my phone wrong? It has air bubbles all the f- Oh... that was me.
Will not exclaim aloud any time someone's mean to Mr. Bates (I got on the train very late, and am catching up now).
What Cat wants, Cat gets. I should know this by now.
 

Lioness

Well-Known Member
Had a conversation with BF yesterday about dance frustrations with DP...including him not putting effort in to make dance a priority, being stubborn about grooming/costume issues just for the sake of it, etc...ended with BF advising that maybe the best thing to do would be to start looking for a new partner, then confront DP and say "you're not putting enough effort in to make this partnership worth it...please reconsider why and let me know whether I need to find someone else to dance with"
Because long story short he won't tan, won't do his hair, won't buy dance pants, took him 2 years to buy latin shoes...and he does it all with parental financial backing. He lives 5 minutes away from studio so an hour of practise is an hour out of his evening...I live an hour away so an hour's practise is 3 hours of time. It's getting frustrating and to some extent I agree with BF...just don't know how to feel about breaking off a partnership that otherwise works pretty well and has been going on for 6 years. But, well, after 6 years we're still in the lower levels of dance...having been registered for 2 years...and I'm over it. I want to practise more, get really really good, not worry about taking 4 sets of dresses to comps...etc.

A little conflicted right now. On one hand, I feel like I'm just going to get more and more frustrated with DP's stubbornness, and a new partner for me could mean he can dance with his GF. OTOH, we've got a good thing going, and I'm moving overseas next year anyway (for a year or so)...unsure.
 

nikkitta

Well-Known Member
I've noticed he looks, well... scruffy, in your comp photos. I take it that your coach agrees with your assessment of his appearance? Would he be more likely to listen to him/her?

I had a partner who was exceedingly lazy, late to practice, often distracted, etc. to the point where my coaches thought he was ADHD, and put little effort into his comp appearance. I was lucky if his shirt was clean and ironed and that he remembered his dance shoes. It became clear that he didn't care and I reached my limit of tolerance and stopped dancing with him. Have you reached your breaking point? (it sounds close...)

So how quickly do you think you would be able to find a new partner? Here in the US, depending on your level and location, it can be slim pickings :meh:
 

Lioness

Well-Known Member
It's really hard to find a partner at the moment...DP's GF has been trying to find one as well. The only guys available are 2-3 levels higher, and I'm not that good that I'd feel comfortable competing and practising with them.

If you try to persuade him about things, he's incredibly likely to just shut down and refuse. Last comp, a judge told him his pants are too short...now he's "thinking" about getting new ones. Coach pesters him about tan and hair all the time...he just goes "no" to the tan, and "yeah sure" for the hair. I'd be willing to forgive him as just stubborn and idealistic, but, TBH, I think it's starting to affect our placings. He has very little shown confidence when we dance...shoulders slump, not projecting, etc...and refusing to tan because "that shouldn't affect our placings" is irrelevant when you look so out of place for being the only one not putting the effort in. I'm not at breaking point yet, but I'm pretty close.
 

dancelvr

Well-Known Member
After working the swing shift for over 10 years....I have to work day shift for the next three months. This means a complete shift in my life (and sleeping) schedule. Kill me now........*sigh*
 

bia

Well-Known Member
I'm moving overseas next year anyway (for a year or so)
How soon next year? As in January-ish? You've got two decisions, really -- what to do for the next several months before you leave, and what to ask for as far as expectations for the partnership when you come back -- whether you want to try to pick up again, leave the door open and see how you both feel, or just plan to go your separate ways dancewise. Given that you'll be abroad and that his GF is looking for a partner, I would imagine that they're likely to dance together at that point, which could complicate your getting back together as partners even if that's what you want. I'd say it's probably worth a conversation before you leave about what you each would like to happen when you get back, to see how close or far each of your views are. Not to say that things will necessarily turn out that way a year later, but I would imagine that it would be nice to lessen the uncertainty about it. And hearing what he has to say and what reactions he has to your concerns could help you know for sure what you want.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
Had a conversation with BF yesterday about dance frustrations with DP...including him not putting effort in to make dance a priority, being stubborn about grooming/costume issues just for the sake of it, etc...ended with BF advising that maybe the best thing to do would be to start looking for a new partner, then confront DP and say "you're not putting enough effort in to make this partnership worth it...please reconsider why and let me know whether I need to find someone else to dance with"
Because long story short he won't tan, won't do his hair, won't buy dance pants, took him 2 years to buy latin shoes...and he does it all with parental financial backing. He lives 5 minutes away from studio so an hour of practise is an hour out of his evening...I live an hour away so an hour's practise is 3 hours of time. It's getting frustrating and to some extent I agree with BF...just don't know how to feel about breaking off a partnership that otherwise works pretty well and has been going on for 6 years. But, well, after 6 years we're still in the lower levels of dance...having been registered for 2 years...and I'm over it. I want to practise more, get really really good, not worry about taking 4 sets of dresses to comps...etc.

A little conflicted right now. On one hand, I feel like I'm just going to get more and more frustrated with DP's stubbornness, and a new partner for me could mean he can dance with his GF. OTOH, we've got a good thing going, and I'm moving overseas next year anyway (for a year or so)...unsure.
yea...sounds like if you wanted to get somewhere, you should have let him go sooner...would be hard to find someone and do better in one year
 

bia

Well-Known Member
yea...sounds like if you wanted to get somewhere, you should have let him go sooner...would be hard to find someone and do better in one year
Yeah, however long you've got before you leave, I can't imagine you'll find a new partner before you go. You'll be a more attractive partner for someone when you're not about to leave for a year.
 

nikkitta

Well-Known Member
Lioness, I would seriously consider at least talking with these available guys. I wonder if you're underestimating your abilities. Have you danced with other (better) guys before? If not, you really really really need to know what it feels like! Oh, what a difference... :D:D
Unless these guys are @$$hats, maybe they'd be willing to dance with you and give you an honest assessment.
 

Lioness

Well-Known Member
I'm leaving in July next year...so not a whole lot of time to develop a new partnership. I think that's one of the main reasons why I've held off so far. After I come back, I'll almost definitely be moving on to another partner. The main problem with most of the more advanced guys advertising is that they're either from different states, or they're wanting to dance/practise up to 5x a week. I don't know if I'm that committed yet. I'll have a talk to DP and see what we can compromise on.
 

nikkitta

Well-Known Member
Bummer. Well, I still think it would behoove you to try dancing with someone who gives a flying fart about proper comp technique and appearance so you can feel the difference it makes in your own dancing. It certainly cannot hurt to attempt to open some lines of communication between you and these other guys. It also isn't unheard of to grab a temporary practice partner whilst waiting for a full-time comp partner.
 

Hedwaite

Well-Known Member
It's Monday. I love teaching and dancing, but I hate having to referee and babysit the one creeper nobody else wants to put up with until I can catch him red-handed and check him.
 

Gorme

Active Member
I'm leaving in July next year...so not a whole lot of time to develop a new partnership. I think that's one of the main reasons why I've held off so far. After I come back, I'll almost definitely be moving on to another partner. The main problem with most of the more advanced guys advertising is that they're either from different states, or they're wanting to dance/practise up to 5x a week. I don't know if I'm that committed yet. I'll have a talk to DP and see what we can compromise on.
You might be better off dancing on your own or working with one of those advanced guys (for practice partnership). They may advertise that they want to practice 5x a week, but that stuff can be negotiated. Like you can compromise it to 3x a week. Because it's practice partnership, it's not a full commitment on either person. He could still keep an eye out for another available lady and you can take off when you have to for your work.
 

Lioness

Well-Known Member
I share a bathroom with two other people.

Have only just realised that it's BF who keeps putting the toiler paper roll on the wrong way.

Help I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life

(Only being a little facetious...)
 

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