Why don't guys dance?

#21
Thanks for sharing guys. A little insight into the male psyche is always helpful. :D So you are saying that it is mainly a fear based thing? Fear of failure, rejection, looking stupid, etc. And the possible benefits don't come close to being worth taking the risks.

Interesting as I went through the same thing when I started dancing again, procrastinated for over 12 months before I actually picked up the phone to call the studio to make an appointment. Maybe it is a case of as you say, going into it for the wrong reasons (wanting to pick up women) and then being disappointed, or just dismissing it as not worthwhile instead of wanting to do it for themselves.

The "pub" culture being a central part of the Australian way of life, I suspected that it was that guys just didn't want to look like a "poof" in front of their mates. Interesting to know that it is probably more than that. Not that I think that I can change centuries of ingrained behaviour, but I would like to try and change guys' attitudes towards dancing, but am at a bit of a loss as to how to do it. Maybe we need to work on the male peer group, instead of trying to sway the individual? :?:
 
#22
brujo said:
Back to the topic at hand. I think fear of dancing is a cultural thing...........

Some stereotypes of dancers is that they are lazy, dancing, seeking useless enjoyment instead of working hard, which is a big part in the Asian cultures.
You bet...! I don't even want to go into details about how I nearly got kicked out of home for learning to salsa........ :roll:........and my parents were considered "cool"......(can you imagine the other families?)

brujo said:
If partner dancing was more frequent and more socially acceptable, it would be easier to convince guys to learn to dance.
I think the change is already in place. I can only comment on the changes I've observed locally, of course.

15 years ago, salsa was always one of those "cultral" things that only Latinos get into (family/community dances etc.).....a lot of Latino kids my age didn't even get into it until much later. Sure, there were salsa clubs, but non-Latinos (who were not regulars) were generally there to watch/get drunk. Apart from a few of us (non-latin girls, with TWO Aus guys :shock: ), you can just about play "Spot the White Guys" on the dancefloor :shock: !

Now that the dance (mainly ballroom) studios (previously considered salsa/street latin somehow 'improper') have cottoned on the fact that there is money to be made from salsa/street latin, as the popularity of the music/dance/clubs became too important to ignore. A lot of ballroom dancers are starting to 'cross over'.......guys included.

So these days you are getting a more even ethnic/gender mix on the club floor. A lot more of these Aussie guys are starting to brave into the world of salsa (ok, not NEARLY as many as we like them to be, but it's a heathy start).

brujo said:
[I think men and women are equaly insecure, but the men seem to have a harder job when it comes to dancing. They have a much higher learning curve, forcing a lot of us to quit before we get any enjoyment out of it ( The lady that is always screaming at you for being offbeat or doing something wrong ).
:!: This might just be the main deterance :!:

brujo said:
salsachinita said:
His name is Robby Rosa. My biggest movie crush....EVER!
Should see him now. He is a really big producer and one of the singers in the forefront of Spanish Rock. He is the author of Ricky Martin's Living La Vida Loca.
Oooooohhh......! *flutter, flutter!*

:oops: ok, sometimes getting older doesn't mean getting wiser :roll: :oops: !
 
#23
Re: men dancing

There is an interesting thread regarding "do only seniors citizens BallroomDance". I'm a 43 yr old single man and started taking Ballroom lessons a year ago. I received a phone solicitation asking if I'd be interested in a few free dance lessons. Seeing that I always loved dancing, primarily to rock and roll and alternative music, I took them up on the free offer and now I'm going on my 50th lesson and just signed up for 30 more! But, I'm finding out that there aren't any 30-40 yr old single women in Ballroom. Pretty dissappointing. I'm going to start learning more of the Salsa, Mambo, Merengue & Hustle dances in order to find a suitable partner I guess. But, I'm still continuing with the Ballroom dances because I really like them too. I used to date a young lady about 7 yrs ago who was in Modern Dancing and was fantastic, but it never occurred to me that I should take lessons. Just didn't think guys did that! What first inspired me to dance was being at a club in Vegas (off the strip where the locals hung out), I asked a gorgeous brunette to dance. She explained that she was tired and had been dancing all day. Turns out she was a professional Dancer in the stage show "Splash". She was with 2 other vegas show girls and one of them grab my hand and took me out on the dance floor and gave me a dance show I'll never forget! My brother who was with me hung out shooting pool with some locals while I was out dancing with showgirls!! They invited me to see them in the show the next day, so of course I extended our stay and we got front row dead center seats (thanks to a nice tip!) When the curtains opened the brunette I first asked to dance came swimming by in her mermaid outfit in a huge aquarium. She came right up to the glass where we were sitting and blew me a kiss under water. I about died! Then after the aquarium was removed they did a huge formation with rain falling down on the stage and everytime she danced by, she'd splash water at me. Her 2 girlfriends were teasing us too. They really knew how to work us up! Turns out that her girlfriend who danced with me at the club was the Madonna impersonator in Vegas. She did the Madonna routine in another set. So, I still remember the night I danced with Madonna (sort of!) I thought to myself, what am I doing working behind a desk , I should be a professional dancer. Well, it took me some years later and a phone call for lessons before I finally jumped in. Glad I did, but wish I had started sooner!
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
#24
You centainly don't have to be madly in love with someone to enjoy dancing with them; must be, I've yet to date someone I met dancing, but then I'm not into it for that purpose.

None of my close friends are the slightest bit interested in dancing and you couldn't pay them to get out on a dance floor. My one very good longtime friend probably had a hard enough time doing so at his own wedding!

And yet they feel that since it's something I enjoy doing so much they would encourage me to stick with it.

Certainly don't need to be encouraged though.
 
#25
dancin_feet said:
Maybe it is a case of as you say, going into it for the wrong reasons (wanting to pick up women) and then being disappointed, or just dismissing it as not worthwhile instead of wanting to do it for themselves.
Hmm, despite that I am into dancing regardless of my relationship status...I remember another post on DF that mentioned like 95% of all men take dance lessons in hopes of meeting women? I also recall DanceMentor mentioning that a lot of couples met in his classes who later got married...

I wonder how many of us guys are being completely honest about this? :wink:
 
#26
I'm not sure.. it's probably a cultural thing too.

First off, I'm not sure when dancing became an issue of machismo. Salsa dancing of course I see lots of men and women dancing it. But I think for men, those sort of movements just don't feel natural for some men. Heck, to generalize, white men can't jump or dance. ;) Maybe it's biological: men would rather fight than dance?

I'm glad to meet a lot of women when I'm out dancing. Of course, even being a good dancer, women still would rather dance with me than go out. What's up with that :?:
 
#27
Re: men dancing

To follow up on what
GalaticDancer43M said:
There is an interesting thread regarding "do only seniors citizens BallroomDance". .... She was with 2 other vegas show girls and one of them grab my hand and took me out on the dance floor and gave me a dance show I'll never forget! ... the brunette I first asked to dance came swimming by in her mermaid outfit in a huge aquarium. ... Turns out that her girlfriend who danced with me at the club was the Madonna impersonator in Vegas. She did the Madonna routine in another set. ... Well, it took me some years later and a phone call for lessons before I finally jumped in. Glad I did, but wish I had started sooner!
Damn... I've been taking lessons and dancing for years and this never happened to me. I can't believe I've been wasting my time for so long... :wink:
 
#28
pygmalion said:
Hi voilsb. Welcome. 8) :D
Thanks. I'd been around about a year ago when the board was a fledgling, stopped visiting (and never registered) because it was tiny, and subsequently forgot about it. Then I followed a link to it recently thinking "I wonder how it's doing now?" and found it to be much more active, so after lurking a bit, I ponied up the e-mail addy and registered, lurked a bit more, then finally made myself known with a smart-alecky remark :twisted:

But to seriously address the question, I agree it's partly due to fear/rejection/insecurity, and partly because somewhere along the line (probably when partnered dancing fell to the wayside) it became "unmanly" or whatnot to be a dancer. It took on negative connotations somehow.
 

SDsalsaguy

Administrator
Staff member
#29
voilsb said:
pygmalion said:
Hi voilsb. Welcome. 8) :D
Thanks. I'd been around about a year ago when the board was a fledgling, stopped visiting (and never registered) because it was tiny, and subsequently forgot about it. Then I followed a link to it recently thinking "I wonder how it's doing now?" and found it to be much more active, so after lurking a bit, I ponied up the e-mail addy and registered, lurked a bit more, then finally made myself known with a smart-alecky remark :twisted:
:lol: I'm sure there are actually many people out there who, if they haven't checked us out in a while, would be quite surprised! :D

Glad to have you "back" voilsb! :D
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
#30
Yes. It is nice to have you back. 8) DF has grown heaps in the past year, and it's nice to have some former lurkers making themselves known. Smart alecky remarks are perfectly okay. It's remarks we want. :wink: :D
 
#31
1. Men are supposed to be good at physical activities.
2. Dance takes training ( either classes or imitating elders).
3. Guys hate to admit they don't know what they are doing.
4. Dancing puts you _this_ close to women, and guys brains shut down, especially if it's a woman they are interested in knowing better.

What guy would want to put themselves out there and prove to the woman they are interested in that they don't know what they are doing? It's much safer to sit back and drink beer with the guys.

But lets say a guy does start dancing. Most women have probably been dancing with thier friends for years and so can hear the music and move to the beat. Because of lack of experience our guy can't hear the beat and looks like an idiot. (To himself, the women are probably excited that he's trying.)

But our guy keeps going, and keeps trying. Then he finds that his learning curve is much steeper than the woman, and she keeps leaping ahead of him. But our guy keeps struggling along proving dance after dance, class after class, that he is less competent than the lady, which is something that all guys just _love_ women to know. (That was sarcastic, by the way.)

Then he finally gets the nerve to go out dancing and is overwelmed by all the guys who actually do know how to dance. He finally gets up the nerve to ask someone to dance, and she grabs his hands in her lobster-claw grip and immediately starts nagging away that he's not moving to the music, and that he's doing it "wrong".

So he quits and never comes back.


salsachinita said:
brujo said:
( The lady that is always screaming at you for being offbeat or doing something wrong ).
:!: This might just be the main deterance :!:

brujo said:
salsachinita said:
I obviously don't need to tell the DF audience this, but give beginners a break, just showing up is a big step.

Kevin
 
#32
salsachinita said:
If more guys (read: their friends) would get into it, there will be some competition for the "top dogs"........maybe they will actually have to be NICE for a change 8) !
Sshhh!! leave then ''top dogs'' be.. we paid a high price to be at the top of our game u know! LOL .. so where's the harm in a little confidence here and there... 8)

say YES to 'top dogs'! LOL .. j/k :wink: .. i really dont think its that bad chinita.. really .. there are many great dancing guys out there with a personality to match their dance.. i mean check out the guys in this forum for example.. from their posts .. SD and Boriken for example strike me as being great in both regards .. (yeah i'm biased to salsa i guess) surely there are many others too :D
 
#33
I know this wasn't exactly the original question, but it's come up enough: yes, I absolutely started taking (salsa) dance lessons in order to meet women (although I had always enjoyed dancing). To a large extent it took on a life of its own (or became an end in itself), but would I have been as intense about it as I was for a while if I hadn't also been motivated by the thought of meeting (etc.) women? I don't think I can be entirely sure what the answer to that question is.

A guy starts learning to dance and suddenly women who would not have noticed him before are smiling at him invitingly. They may only be inviting him to ask them to dance, but it's still a big change from before. That's the sort of experience I've had. My love life has not improved beyond my wildest dreams (or even enough to match my wildest dreams), but it has improved.

Anyway, a man who already has no trouble meeting women isn't going to have that motivation for learning to dance. If anything, dancing is an unnecessary risk. Why do something that could make him look stupid, or clumsy or what have you? Then there is the whole thing about it being unmasculine, though I never took that seriously. Fortunately, my family was always somewhat relaxed about gender roles, and even my older brother (who was the biggest gender role enforcer in my family, at least when it came to me) didn't have a problem with dancing, so I never really learned that it was "gay" or wimpy or whatever.
 

Vin

New Member
#34
I agree with most of what has been said here. Anybody who starts dancing in order to meet people to date will not last long in dancing unless they actually learn to enjoy dancing for it's own sake. In fact for many(me included) it becomes a matter of thoughts changing from
If I learn to dance I may meet someone(at the beginning)
to
If I meet someone they had better dance.
In my own experience dancing has not helped me pick up women who dance. In fact many women in the dance scene don't want to date in the local dance scene. It seems most want to date somebody who dances well, lives in the area, but is not involved in the local dance scene.
On the other hand I have seen that it is actually not so difficult to pick up women who are new to dancing. For me personally I prefer those women that are dancers.
Back to topic, for me it took 2 years before my dancing was at a level where I felt I could meet the women I wanted to meet due to my dancing alone. I stuck with it because I did enjoy it but unless one does enjoy it for it's own sake that is a pretty long time to put effort into something and not get results. Most guys just aren't going to stick with it.
I have tried to convince my male friends to learn how to dance, but that really never works and actually I think some of the blame goes to the women dancers. I have seen women that I know stop dancing with new guys mid-song because the guy was not leading enough things to keep her interested or because he was having trouble keep beat. One friend of mine that was interested in learning and dated a dancer for a period of time wasn't learning from her because she did not want to teach him, she thought he should learn from someone else. I have even had women who dance ask me to teach there boyfriends how to dance.
One thing that can be done by women is teach your male friends and/or Boyfriends how to dance, not in a nightclub or bar but get together once a week or so in private and teach someone how to dance. Then after a while start taking him out to clubs so he can see the beautiful women dancing. I bet most of you know some guy that would be more than happy to learn how to dance with you.
 
#35
Vin said:
I agree with most of what has been said here. Anybody who starts dancing in order to meet people to date will not last long in dancing unless they actually learn to enjoy dancing for it's own sake. In fact for many(me included) it becomes a matter of thoughts changing from
If I learn to dance I may meet someone(at the beginning)
to
If I meet someone they had better dance.
Yes, this happened for me practically overnight. One moment I was telling a female friend I was taking salsa lessons to meet women; the next moment I was telling her that I definitely wanted to go out with a woman who dances salsa.

One thing that can be done by women is teach your male friends and/or Boyfriends how to dance, not in a nightclub or bar but get together once a week or so in private and teach someone how to dance.
This assumes that a woman (usually the follower) is going to be able to teach a male (usually the lead) how to lead. I know how to lead reasonably well, but I am not sure I would be able to teach much about following. I haven't seriously tried it, so maybe I would be able to help more than I think, but I have my doubts.
 
#36
I am very dissapointed with all you men who responded... :evil:

Why are you giving tips and advice to the other guys...the less
of them, the more for us... :D

Ok, seriously, here's my advice.

GUYS!!! DO YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE...

You've got a group of beautiful women ASKING you to dance so that
they can dance with you...

Wake up, smell the coffee and get to your dance lessons.

That's it.
 
#38
scorpionguy said:
I remember another post on DF that mentioned like 95% of all men take dance lessons in hopes of meeting women?
I do not know if I agree...

Dancing is a great way to meet people and have fun, but as a way to meet women (or men), it is not very efficient. If your primary goal is to meet/date women or men, there are about 1000 easier ways.

For example, one evening about 3 weeks back, I spent 2 hours (1 private, 1 group lesson) working on my “dancing.” On the way home, I stopped for a coffee at one of my favorite spots, in the 2 minutes I was standing in line, a very attractive young women noticed the book I was carrying -- she had read another book by the same writer – we started talking about it and ended up hanging out until the place closed (about 2 hours), talking and drinking coffee by the fireplace. I am going to see her again this weekend. :wink:

I can see the commercial now…


1 large hazelnut coffee, two sugars and cream - $1.65,

1 oatmeal raisin cookie – to share -- $0.95

1 copy of “The Elephant Vanishes,” a collection of short stories
by Haruki Murakami -- $11.20.

Sharing that raisin cookie by a warm fire with a beautiful and intelligent women – without stepping on her feet, counting 1,2,3,4 to yourself or paying hefty lesson fees – PRICELESS.


That said, I am learning to dance for me…
 
#39
I say blame it on rock and roll. :tongue:

we are too macho to show weakness and emotion. Dancing is full of giving and taking and just to darn much emotional togetherness. That we can't do in public. In public and at times in private we are the stone cold sense of EGO bursting at the seams, of how strong we are to everything that requires to get intouch with emotion... All surounded by a coat of insecurity of course....
 

tsb

Well-Known Member
#40
if we're going to share our motivation on learning how to dance, i'll confess to being a closet romantic (only my closer friends know i'm not spock like most people who've met me tend to think) and collecting videos & DVDs of all the old fred astaire/ginger rogers movies and wanting to be able to dance like that. fortunately i was too oblivious to realize how bad i truly was for the first 3-4 years - but it was as much a reflection of my attitudes as much as poor technique.
 

Dance Ads