Women asking men to dance.

Lioness

Well-Known Member
I also need to point out that America is a heavily Feminist nation, which means when something goes wrong between people that attracts the attention of the authorities (club security, local police, and such), the authorities will only listen to the woman's side of the story and nobody else! The man's voice has been all but snuffed out by heavy Feminism.
You are welcome to PM me if you want to discuss this more, but I'd just like to say that, especially in cases of assault and abuse, women are often NOT listened to.
Feminism is not about snuffing out men's voices.
 

cornutt

Well-Known Member
So to get this thread back on topic... I have noticed that sometimes women who ask tend to get keyed on one or a handful of partners, and they ask those few partners a bit more than they should. I guess it's the same trap that men, particularly newbie men, fall into: They get to know a few partners that they know they can ask and not get their heads bitten off, and then because it's comfortable, they don't expand their horizons beyond that point. It's flattering to be asked repeatedly by someone, but, you know, I like to get around. :cool: Seriously, I think it's just a matter of first getting used to asking, and then using the people you know to expand your network. Dance with one of your regular partners, and then at the end of it, ask him, "Hey, if I ask Joe over there, do you think he'd be OK with that?" Having said that, I will say that I don't know any men that would get offended over being asked by a woman. Surprised, maybe. :p
 
Which is precisely why I recommend going out into the real world - beyond studios, beyond 'socials' beyond 'practice parties', etc.
You will get your head bitten off, how often and in how many different ways depends on your height, looks, age and perceived financial/social status.
After several dozen/hundreds/thousands of such encounters with the sweet, innocent and fair, you will realize you didn't need that head after all and they can have it.
Hit the clubs 3 nights a week for a year or so and never again will any type of rejection bother you in the least.
 
I left the nightclub scene because I found it to be sleazy and a place where a bunch of men were going after a bunch of women (generally speaking) for that "one thing." I guess I was odd in this regard because I honestly just wanted to dance sometimes. I started doing Lindy and attending social dances almost two years ago and I have only been to a club once (friend invited me) since then and I don't miss it not one bit. But I digress...

So to get this thread back on topic... I have noticed that sometimes women who ask tend to get keyed on one or a handful of partners, and they ask those few partners a bit more than they should. I guess it's the same trap that men, particularly newbie men, fall into: They get to know a few partners that they know they can ask and not get their heads bitten off, and then because it's comfortable, they don't expand their horizons beyond that point. It's flattering to be asked repeatedly by someone, but, you know, I like to get around. :cool: Seriously, I think it's just a matter of first getting used to asking, and then using the people you know to expand your network. Dance with one of your regular partners, and then at the end of it, ask him, "Hey, if I ask Joe over there, do you think he'd be OK with that?" Having said that, I will say that I don't know any men that would get offended over being asked by a woman. Surprised, maybe. :p
I know exactly how you feel about wanting to get around. There are a handful of women at my scene who are either intimidated by many of the male leads or don't get asked by them, so they repeatedly ask me for dances (What can I say? I'm approachable. It's all in the smile. :) ). Although it would be nice if I could get around to dance with others at times, I'm never actually offended by it or anything like that.
 

cornutt

Well-Known Member
IThere are a handful of women at my scene who are either intimidated by many of the male leads or don't get asked by them, so they repeatedly ask me for dances (What can I say? I'm approachable. It's all in the smile. :) ). Although it would be nice if I could get around to dance with others at times, I'm never actually offended by it or anything like that.
Once in a blue moon I have to say, "Can I get you for the next one? I already promised this one", so I can get free to go ask someone that I haven't danced with yet. But it's a good problem to have. :cool:
 
So to get this thread back on topic... I have noticed that sometimes women who ask tend to get keyed on one or a handful of partners, and they ask those few partners a bit more than they should. I guess it's the same trap that men, particularly newbie men, fall into: They get to know a few partners that they know they can ask and not get their heads bitten off, and then because it's comfortable, they don't expand their horizons beyond that point. It's flattering to be asked repeatedly by someone, but, you know, I like to get around. :cool: Seriously, I think it's just a matter of first getting used to asking, and then using the people you know to expand your network. Dance with one of your regular partners, and then at the end of it, ask him, "Hey, if I ask Joe over there, do you think he'd be OK with that?" Having said that, I will say that I don't know any men that would get offended over being asked by a woman. Surprised, maybe. :p
Well, it's kinda easier to ask people you already know. I don't decline when someone asks me, but if I am asking a guy (which I prefer not to do), it will be someone I already know. Either someone who previously asked me, or someone I know from elsewhere (I.e. from a group class we both take).
 
When I was single I only asked men who I knew from dance class and who I knew didn't have a partner they dance with. Now I have a partner, I get really annoyed with sneaky women who wait for me to go to the toilet before they ask my partner to dance. I have had a couple come up and ask me if it is ok and I have said yes, but really get my back up when a woman waits for me to be away from my partner before they pounce on him. What are the rules on this? We do rock n roll dancing!
 
There are no rules except the one you create for yourself in this case. If you and your partner only dance with each other, he can say to any woman who asks him to dance that he is only dancing with his partner _ you. They will stop asking. But make sure he only wants to dance with you exclusivly.
 

Siggav

Active Member
Maybe when he's sitting with you they don't ask because you're clearly together and talking etc. Then when you're away they might not be aware of why you're away, ie might think you're dancing or somewhere else chatting at which point, a lead standing on his own near the dancefloor is totally fair game to ask to dance.

If there's an imbalance of leads and follow multiple women will almost certainly ask within a minute
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
When I was single I only asked men who I knew from dance class and who I knew didn't have a partner they dance with. Now I have a partner, I get really annoyed with sneaky women who wait for me to go to the toilet before they ask my partner to dance. I have had a couple come up and ask me if it is ok and I have said yes, but really get my back up when a woman waits for me to be away from my partner before they pounce on him. What are the rules on this? We do rock n roll dancing!
seriously?...I would see that as a courtesy....you may needto reflect on why that threatens you
 

twnkltoz

Well-Known Member
I am always available and we always dance together....Why do some women wait for me to go to toilet before they ask. I see it as rude as I am only gone 5 minutes if that.
Not when you're in the toilet, you're not available. If you're gone for five minutes, and he wants to dance during that five minutes, what's the big deal if he dances with someone else? they probably wait until you're gone to ask him out of courtesy. Do you have some kind of rule that you only dance together?
 

danceronice

Well-Known Member
Yes, five minutes is potentially even two dances at a ballroom social (one if it's a really long salsa or something, but still.) I agree with fasc, you might want to examine why this bothers you. Unless you two have agreed that neither of you will ever dance with anyone else at a party (SPOKEN agreement, not "understood"), and you never dance with anyone else, I'm not seeing why it's such a horrible thing.
 

Rhythmdancer

Well-Known Member
The only time I've been social dancing with my partner very few people ask me to dance and no one asked my partner to dance. I talked to someone about it and they said that they didn't want to interrupt. In general, I find myself doing this as well, if people come to a social dance with a partner, they are less likely to be asked to dance.
 

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