yesterday's activities

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
Hope I didn't offend you, P. I didn't mean "It's not about you" in the "Don't be selfish," pejorative kinda way. I meant it in the, "It's not about your 'inadequacies;' it might be about your Mom's baggage" kinda way.

Online communication can be so limiting, sometime. *sigh*


Yesterday. Yes. My neighbor died. Heart attack. Very, very sobering. He was somebody I knew only by sight. But still. *sigh*

Lie around much of the day, feeling not up to par. Minor health issue that I ignored is now not as minor. It definitely won't kill me, but I suspect that prescription strength antibiotics may be required before I feel better. Apply home remedies and hope. DS hovers all day, tucks me in bed, checks for fever, etc. I simultaneously think he's sweet and worry that he shouldn't feel that he has to take care of me. Of the two of us, I should be the one doing the care-taking.


Finally find a Wii U at Gamestop.com. To store and purchase gift cards to buy it online. (Must maximize opportunities to get gas discounts. $400 in gift cards = $1.60 off per gallon. Very cool.)

Snafu. Can't buy the Wii U Black (32 Gig of memory for $349) online tonight. DS decides to buy White (Only 8 Gig $299 and the only one that's in stock) at the store tomorrow. I am not happy about this, but I can't argue with his bird in the hand argument. I'm hoping the folks at the store can order him a Wii U Black.

Check with DS on the particulars for his date. He "forgot" to find out about what time the concert will be. "Uhh... DS. Had you considered the fact that showing up at the right place and time is kinda important?" (This boy is clueless. lol) To school website and find time and location. DS and "just some girl" will meet there.

Make date of my own, to go see a movie with DS in the morning, before he goes off into Being a Man Land and goes on his first date ever. He chooses Wreck It Ralph over Skyfall. Seriously. A kids' animated film at 10:00 in the morning. A date with an actual girl (concert followed by ice cream) at 3:00 in the afternoon. The juxtaposition of these two things says a lot to me about where DS is in life. Standing at a crossroad. I really love my boy. I'll love seeing him as a man, as well. But right now, he's still my boy. *insert gushy emotional stuff*

That's about it, other than re-watching many episodes of Law and Order SVU.


Zzz pretty early.
 

NURDRMS

Well-Known Member
FRIDAY:


9:10--ENG 1101. Class is supposed to be six oral reports. Three presentations go:

-Why Colorado made the wrong decision when they decided to allow guns on college campuses.
Just a hijack...it wasn't so much that Colorado decided to allow guns on campus as they acknowledged that guns are going to be on campus so let's set aside specific dorms for those that are going to have weapons so we can provide adequate storage. Colorado is still very much the wild west in many ways and personal weapons are omnipresent. Short story to illustrate: I went to the sheriff's office to apply for a license to carry a concealed weapon (as a general officer, I am issued a personal defense weapon.) Everything about this process is highly automated and the woman helping me was flipping through the many various computer applications with speed. I thought, "wow, she must do this application process fairly often." so I asked how often people came in to apply for this kind of license. She said, "there are two of us and we have appointments every 15 minutes all day every day." And this is just for my Colorado county. And this is just for those folks that bother to actually get a license to carry concealed. Bottom line, in Colorado it is common to encounter people carrying weapons. The colleges here just chose to recognize that fact. End of hijack.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
sat....teach a class...feel better!!!!!!!grocery shop with dh...make turkey tacos...wrap presents...spend some nice time listening to Christmas music by the tree...to bed early
 

j_alexandra

Well-Known Member
Finally, something to report:

Spend the morning resting, then go to NY, watch CCM dance @ Kings Ball!
Meet Samina at Worldtone, and do some light shoe shopping
Uptown, get Sami a parking space right near Columbia
Dinner, very nice
BADC!!!! Woo hoo!!!
Home, wish I could crash, but I had coffee@around 7, so fugeddaboudit
 

ChaChaMama

Well-Known Member
SATURDAY:
5:30--Up! Shower, hair, make-up, breakfast.
Deal with getting Child ready. I ask her to pack an outfit for herself and she says "I thought Dad said you were doing it!" I'm like "Child, just pack one outfit, underpants, socks, and toiletries. I don't want to hear about it."

7:20--We out! Drive to NJ. (Husband did not come, btw, as he is still sick. December 1 marks Day 41 of this illness.)
10:20ish--Arrive at parents. Drop off Child.
Arrive at NJ Transit just in time to miss the 10:44 train. But this is okay. The 11:14 is fine.
Text Nik with my status.
Recommence reading Michael Chabon's Telegraph Avenue, which I started back in September but interrupted because there were so many great British (and Nigerian) books coming out and I tend to prioritize those over American, given my line of work.

12:36--Arrive in NYC. Take the 1 train to 50th. Literally the second I get on the 1, Nik calls. We manage to exchange "I'm on the subway." "I'm just getting on the subway too!" before we lose our connection. (He has an apt in NYC closer to Tribeca, so not the same train.)

Get to venue, get dressed, put on more make-up. I'm not doing the eyelash thing. Can't do it myself, not asking Nik.

Some chill time, then we warm up.

J_alex is here! :) BFF gets here too! (She rushed in from Queens when I told her I was in the city.)

Dance 13 single dances, some open, some closed. It goes pretty well, particularly considering I had been feeling too sick/exhausted to finish my lesson as recently as Thursday. I did get a couple 2nds (out of 2), which is displeasing, but it is what it is.

J_alex goes off to next engagement. BFF and I hang out.
Nik and I have a HUGE discussion about the future. (His, not mine. Though his affects mine in some respects.)

Dance championship. This is a tiny comp on the adult level (lots of kids), so though I'm not the only one on the floor, the other adults are in different age or ability levels.

Out to dinner with BFF at Cosmic Diner. (We had tried to get in at Rosie O'Grady's and there was a 1 hour wait. My sister, who used to work for Radio City, was incredulous when I told her this.)

8:03 back to NJ. Child has gone to animal shelter where Mom volunteers...and they stayed for 2.5 hours (Child LOVES it!), and on a big dog walk, and lots of other things. Sounds like a great day.

Celebrate Dad's birthday. My Mom had over-baked the chocolate gluten-free cake. Omg, it was bad! The whole family was laughing about it. It was hard and crunchy and sooo dry, close to inedible. Child just ate the frosting off.
I got my dad the new Thomas Jefferson book by Jon Meacham.

Stay up chatting with Dad until 11:30 PM, then to bed.
 

ChaChaMama

Well-Known Member
SUNDAY:
Up around 7:30. Yes, I got 8 hours of sleep! No one coughing, no pets pouncing on me...amazing!

1:50--Left for MD.

5ish--Arrive home.

7ish--Plow through e-mails. Grade oral reports. Read a rough draft. Etc.

11:30--To bed. Oddly, have difficulty sleeping, which pretty much never happens to me. (It usually takes me under 10 mins to fall asleep.) I think still wound up from working until late, plus Husband breathing noisily due to illness, plus worrying about a couple things...and then the dog starts scratching at door like maniac because he is sick. Finally doze around 12:30.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
sunday...seems like it was an ongoing collection of little tasks; online holiday shopping, cut dh's hair, clean cat litter boxes, burn new step aerobic CD, move dressers, figure out how to use my 150, 000 hotel points before they expire, practice a bit....I don't know where else it went but I was pleanty busy
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
Saturday: up early, etc. Drive an hour to the nearest good mall, in order to meet a friend who is willing to go shopping with me to help me pick out an outfit for DH's company xmas party. Get there, settle it at Starbucks, and wait. Wait, wait, wait. Check email and texts to see if she is just running late. Discover that we'd actually planned on meeting on Sunday. Grr.

Wander around mall. Fall in love with two Coach purses, end up horrified at myself. Tiptoe into Sephora, get completely overwhelmed, beat a hasty retreat. Skedaddle home--this girlie stuff is flippin' confusing and intimidating. Read, nap, read, watch Pride & Prejudice. DH finally gets home (four hours later than originally intended--guess going out to dinner is officially off the table--grr--but at least he had been keeping in touch, so I wasn't worrying). Watch some more P&P, z.



Sunday: mall shopping, take 2. Friend drags me into Sephora, and spends plenty of time explaining things like the pros and cons of different sorts of mascara brushes. Who knew?! Informs me that I put on lipstick incorrectly (in my defense, I wasn't going for looking perfect, I was checking colors!), bans me from putting on my own lipstick, and takes to applying it for me. Love friend. Find the perfect red lipstick. (I've been looking for a perfect red for a long time. That really bright, classic, retro red. Most things turn hot pink on me.) Have minor heart attack over the idea of a lipstick costing $34, but take the plunge anyhow. In for a penny, in for a pound, right? Have plenty of other makeupy girlie things explained to me--I think friend is having too much fun laughing at me sometimes. :)

Put together nice outfit in Ann Taylor. Jeans, sparkly silver (!) cowl neck shell, black blazer.

Have fun in other stores, including other girlie places I've never ventured before. Frightening. And bloody expensive. Have fun in Nordstrom trying on all sorts of nail polishes--I'm the guinea pig. I think I left with about 20 different colors on my fingers...yes, 20. Most were layered. Have fun trying lip glosses, some of which taste remarkably like candy, and I spend my time licking it off my lips. Decide not to get it; if I want candy, I can get it much cheaper.

Get manicure, which was a good thing because my feet were killing me. Go back and get clutch purse from Coach. (Thank you, DH, for the wonderful xmas gift you got for me!)

Part ways from friend, head to SIL's house to visit with SIL and ILs in general. Have dinner. Visit some more. Wish for a topic of conversation other than babies, breast feeding, diapers etc., and nipples. Shoot me.

Head home, finish watching P&P, agree with DH that we're glad we don't have kids, fall into bed. Z.
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
Okay. So I have a work-related question. It's not a whine, really, although it's a close cousin. But, since I value the opinions of people who frequent this thread as well as the Whining Thread people (and some people who rarely whine,) I'll post here.

The question is ,"Am I being unreasonable?" The back story is this. As most of you know, I had a couple of strokes in May of this year. When that happened, my clueless but well-intentioned manager decided that I needed to have fewer projects. Fair enough. One of the projects involves written communication with customers with a goal of a twenty-four hour turnaround. I've been doing this for a few years so I don't find it challenging or stressful. But, Clueless Manager (CM) decided that a coworker could help me out on Mondays, when all the weekend customer communication is piled up and waiting for a speedy turnaround. Incidentally, Monday is the busiest day of the week on pretty much all the other projects as well.

That was May. Annoying Coworker (AC) was supposed to help. From then until now, I can count the number of times she has worked on this project on a Monday on one hand -- usually days I've been on vacation. Instead, she has "helped" out on slow days, when I actually don't need help. Fast forward to now, when things are slowing down because of the holiday season. Today AC decided to complain to her manager that I wasn't "letting her help" me on this project on Mondays. Without coming to me first. So of course her manager called and fussed me out (gently) for not "letting" her help. (Are you kidding me?)

When I heard from her manager, I called AC directly and said, "Look. I just need to know what to expect. I don't care who covers this project, as long as it gets covered. Just let me know when to expect you to pitch in and when not."

Her reply? "P. I have multiple projects. I can't always guarantee you that I'll be able to help on a Monday. If I come in and my other projects are under control, I'd be glad to pitch in and help. I can't always know in advance when that's going to be or how much I'll be able to get done."

My translation? AC and I both have multiple projects. I actually have more projects and far more responsibility than she does. We both work for a company that has made a commitment to re-contact these customers by COB on Monday, regardless. That's our job, or at least one of them. Yet she reserves that right to decide when and whether to help get the job done. Regardless of what she chooses to do, the job must be done. So if she chooses not to do it, guess who gets to do it, regardless of busy-ness or number of competing priorities? I am miffed. My questions, "Am I being unreasonable? Is there another conceivable, less infuriating, way to frame this?"
 

Peaches

Well-Known Member
Very good question, Pyg. I wish I had an answer but, on a level, it seems shockingly similar to my own dilemma. I've thought about posting the question here, as well.

The only thing I found that helped was not to wait for the someone else who is supposed to be helping to pitch in and pull their weight, but to outright delegate. As in, "This month you're doing X. I'll show you how to do it. Next month you'll do Y, and I'll show you how to do that, too. After that, it's your baby. Here's the Outlook invite to a meeting to deal with this. Please have X, Y, and Z done by then so we can go over them." I hated that. This person is, technically, my equal. I do not, technically, have the standing to tell him what to do. But...well, needs must. I don't have authority over coworker either, and I'd always let that stop me...but I couldn't deal anymore, so I took the chance. No doubt coworkers consider me a [w]itch...I'm not so sure that I care anymore. I've got enough of a reputation to stand on.

Perhaps try to manage from the bottom up? As in, if this is something that you might as well take over entirely (again), go to CM and tell him that it isn't working out, but your workload is still to taxing, so perhaps Other Annoying Coworker can take over Different Project? Granted, this will (of course) mean more work for you in the short term (training), but perhaps it's worth the payoff in the long run?
 

samina

Well-Known Member
My questions, "Am I being unreasonable? Is there another conceivable, less infuriating, way to frame this?"
My suggestions:

Go to you boss. "Boss, I appreciate the steps you took earlier this year to secure some extra support for my workload. It has turned out unnecessary -- I am fine with my workload, and happy to be responsible for it, and the other person has unexpectedly too much of a workload to help out, anyway. It's all good. I'm on it. Just wanted you to know. I'm happy it's worked out this way. :)"

To AC: "Hey, no worries, I got this covered. But please, don't report to your manager or mine that there's anything amiss with how I'm handling my workload. That didn't sit well with my boss. I've spoken with him/her, though, and everything's good. Thanks again for offering to help when it looked like I'd need it! This worked out well. :)"

Just an idea...
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
Just for the record, I value the input I've gotten so far on my work situation and I want more. So DO NOT even think about changing the subject permanently. lol.

But, even though I don't have data about mammograms, I will share this personal story (Hope this goes over better than the breastfeeding story. lol)

When I was pregnant with DS, I had to switch insurance providers in the middle of the pregnancy because open enrollment took away the insurance company I had been with. So I ended up taking my triple test (Is it still called that?) just outside of the normal testing time frame. I took the test at 18 weeks and the results came back with DS testing high for Down syndrome. My really, really nice doctor told me that, because of the test results and the fact that I was old-ish, I had to have amniocentesis. So I did, even though the results would have been moot. I was going to have my beautiful baby, regardless. It was the worst day of my life. After the test, I wept all the way while I drove myself home. I realized that, by following the doctor's orders and taking the test, I might have been endangering DS. 1% chance of miscarriage. As it turns out, DS was just fine. It was timing that made the test results weird. But I learned, through that experience, to always bring my common sense and judgment, even if doctors are authority figures. They know what they know. I know what I know.
 

fascination

Site Moderator
Staff member
I think your boss was well intended...but like so many well-intended people, she made a decision without consulting with the involved parties...that was the biggest error...would have been far better had she asked what could be done to reduce your stress...sounds to me like appointed helper doesn't want the role any more than you want her to have it but felt she needed to do the CYA about why she hasn't...I think the three of you get into a room and acknowlege everyone's goodness but call the whole thing off
 

cornutt

Well-Known Member
P, I get the impression from reading your note that neither you nor AC really know what your boss is expecting of you regarding this. Is AC supposed to be putting in a certain number of hours with you on Monday? Conversely, are you being expected to train her or transition the work to her? I suggest asking your boss if the three of you could have 15 minutes together to get expectations straight. Something like: "I need to be able to plan for what's going to happen on Mondays, and AC is uncertain about what her priority should be."
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
I think your boss was well intended...but like so many well-intended people, she made a decision without consulting with the involved parties...that was the biggest error...would have been far better had she asked what could be done to reduce your stress...sounds to me like appointed helper doesn't want the role any more than you want her to have it but felt she needed to do the CYA about why she hasn't...I think the three of you get into a room and acknowlege everyone's goodness but call the whole thing off

You are one smart lady. Yep. That's it. :cool:
 

pygmalion

Well-Known Member
P, I get the impression from reading your note that neither you nor AC really know what your boss is expecting of you regarding this. Is AC supposed to be putting in a certain number of hours with you on Monday? Conversely, are you being expected to train her or transition the work to her? I suggest asking your boss if the three of you could have 15 minutes together to get expectations straight. Something like: "I need to be able to plan for what's going to happen on Mondays, and AC is uncertain about what her priority should be."

Yep. that's part of it, too, cornutt. I think that, when I got sick, I had so much responsibility that a few things kicked in. One. OMG, we're not killing her, are we? Two. OMG What if she dies or quits? We need to cover this. And, more charitably. Three. What can we do to help her create a more reasonable work/life balance?


I don't think a lot of people, including me, were thinking straight back then. I was thinking about how not to die. My managers were thinking about losing me both personally (They really like me and vice versa) and permanently. They were thinking about what in the world they'd do if I wasn't around anymore, for whatever reason. (I handed in my resignation during the stroke episode, but they didn't accept it.)
 

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