Your Pet Peeves

Mladenac

Well-Known Member
#61
its just about relaxing the focus..
i seriously think that a lot of guys should learn to lead with their eyes shut, with a chaperone, in a practica; its a lovely exercise to do,
I would dance with my eyes shut too, if it wasn't for all the clumsy fools in the room ;)
Working on the patented Radar Suit...
I may say that I dance with my eyes close part time.
I look around what's happening and immerse in the embrace, and the music.
Looking around is like breathing while swimming. :D
 

AndaBien

Well-Known Member
#62
I once gave a class exercise for guys to dance with their eyes shut and the followers to keep their eyes open. Leaders were supposed to think about being more aware of their partners movements. Followers were supposed to be aware of any hazards and resist those movements, thereby becoming a little more assertive in their movements. (We were in a spacious room).

I'm not sure if anyone gained anything from the exercise. One lady closed her eyes and allowed the couple to dance into a wall.
 
#64
I don't like that none of the followers in my community seem to decline offers to dance. I'm very reluctant to ask the really good followers to dance for this reason.. If I invite someone to dance I want to know that it's perfectly possible that I'd be declined, not simply because she's tired, or her feet are sore, but because she feels that a dance with me would be uncomfortable for whatever reason. And of course actions speak more credibly than words - so I would like to see leaders who I know are uncomfortable (based on what I see, and what followers have repeatedly told me) being declined. That way, if I'm declined just as much, I'll at least know that I'm no better than them, whereas right now, I just have to guess and hope that my self-perception isn't wildly mis-calibrated.
 
#65
NZ_Guy, if you want to be declined or not, come dance in Wellington ;-)

I don't like that none of the followers in my community seem to decline offers to dance. I'm very reluctant to ask the really good followers to dance for this reason.. If I invite someone to dance I want to know that it's perfectly possible that I'd be declined, not simply because she's tired, or her feet are sore, but because she feels that a dance with me would be uncomfortable for whatever reason. And of course actions speak more credibly than words - so I would like to see leaders who I know are uncomfortable (based on what I see, and what followers have repeatedly told me) being declined. That way, if I'm declined just as much, I'll at least know that I'm no better than them, whereas right now, I just have to guess and hope that my self-perception isn't wildly mis-calibrated.
 

dchester

Moderator
Staff member
#67
I don't like that none of the followers in my community seem to decline offers to dance. I'm very reluctant to ask the really good followers to dance for this reason.. If I invite someone to dance I want to know that it's perfectly possible that I'd be declined, not simply because she's tired, or her feet are sore, but because she feels that a dance with me would be uncomfortable for whatever reason. And of course actions speak more credibly than words - so I would like to see leaders who I know are uncomfortable (based on what I see, and what followers have repeatedly told me) being declined. That way, if I'm declined just as much, I'll at least know that I'm no better than them, whereas right now, I just have to guess and hope that my self-perception isn't wildly mis-calibrated.
I guess I don't understand why you'd ask someone to dance with the hope that you might be turned down.



If you are looking for feedback on how you are doing, wouldn't a practica be a good place to solicit feedback?
 
#68
I guess I don't understand why you'd ask someone to dance with the hope that you might be turned down.



If you are looking for feedback on how you are doing, wouldn't a practica be a good place to solicit feedback?
I suppose I just like the idea of a tanda where both partners want to dance with the other. As opposed to one who does, and another who is merely tolerating (or suffering through) it because she prefers that, to declining the invitation.
 

rain_dog

Active Member
#69
I guess I don't understand why you'd ask someone to dance with the hope that you might be turned down.
I think he wants to dance with women who turn down other men, indicating they really want to dance with him. He doesn't personally want to get turned down. I.E. choosey women who choose him.
 
#70
I think he wants to dance with women who turn down other men, indicating they really want to dance with him. He doesn't personally want to get turned down. I.E. choosey women who choose him.
Can't argue with that. But I do want to get turned down by anyone who doesn't want to dance with me. I really don't want to provide an uncomfortable tanda to anyone. For this reason I err on the side of caution and seldom invite anyone I think is exceptionally good - I pre-emptively decline myself as it were.
 

bordertangoman

Well-Known Member
#71
Can't argue with that. But I do want to get turned down by anyone who doesn't want to dance with me. I really don't want to provide an uncomfortable tanda to anyone. For this reason I err on the side of caution and seldom invite anyone I think is exceptionally good - I pre-emptively decline myself as it were.
hMM thats almost as bad as Darwin-Juarez syndrome:

DARWIN:Juarez?
I heard over the wire
that you're interested.


JUAREZ: I'm not interested.


D:That's not what you told Blaster.


J; Don't you get it?
I want him interested in me.
And he'll only be interested
if he thinks I'm not.

D:But you are interested?

J:- Of course.
D:- But not in me.

J:No, no, no. Because you know
you could have me
which makes you not interested,
and that means I wouldn't be
interested in you even if I were.
 

AndaBien

Well-Known Member
#72
... But I do want to get turned down by anyone who doesn't want to dance with me. I really don't want to provide an uncomfortable tanda to anyone. For this reason I err on the side of caution and seldom invite anyone I think is exceptionally good - I pre-emptively decline myself as it were.
I suppose you have shades of gray between exceptionally and just pretty good, at least I hope you do. I'm wondering, if a good partner turns you down, how long, if ever, before you would ask her again?

There are really good partners who are happy to dance with lesser dancers, because they want to support the efforts of learners who are working hard to learn this dance. After all, someone supported their efforts when they were beginners.

If they do accept to dance with you and you are not sure of your dancing, you might ask them for feedback after the tanda is over.
 

Zoopsia59

Well-Known Member
#73
Can't argue with that. But I do want to get turned down by anyone who doesn't want to dance with me. I really don't want to provide an uncomfortable tanda to anyone. For this reason I err on the side of caution and seldom invite anyone I think is exceptionally good - I pre-emptively decline myself as it were.
You mean no one has ever turned you down?

If you've ever been turned down, then it seems your problem has already been solved.

I second the idea that if you are concerned that followers are just suffering through it, ask them for feedback. If nothing else, your willingness to accept feedback will make them WANT to dance with you, so that will also solve the "problem".
 

dchester

Moderator
Staff member
#74
Can't argue with that. But I do want to get turned down by anyone who doesn't want to dance with me. I really don't want to provide an uncomfortable tanda to anyone. For this reason I err on the side of caution and seldom invite anyone I think is exceptionally good - I pre-emptively decline myself as it were.
If a women is sweet enough to dance with me, even though she doesn't think I'm really good enough, I'm up to the challenge of trying to give her a really good dance, and possibly changing her mind about me.

I've certainly had a few tandas where in the beginning, the woman seemed to be more in "protect mode" or something, but half way through the first song, it was like she decided, "I guess he can dance", and then relaxed, changed the embrace and tried to give me a good dance as well.

It doesn't always work this way, but if she's nice enough to take a chance on me, I'm going to make the best out of it.
 

bordertangoman

Well-Known Member
#75
If a women is sweet enough to dance with me, even though she doesn't think I'm really good enough, I'm up to the challenge of trying to give her a really good dance, and possibly changing her mind about me.

I've certainly had a few tandas where in the beginning, the woman seemed to be more in "protect mode" or something, but half way through the first song, it was like she decided, "I guess he can dance", and then relaxed, changed the embrace and tried to give me a good dance as well.

It doesn't always work this way, but if she's nice enough to take a chance on me, I'm going to make the best out of it.
there's a song about that isnt there? ;)

I'v had the same experience..from "oh dear I wonder what's going to happen" to "this is quite pleasant."
 

Spitfire

Well-Known Member
#80
I don't know how common this is in other areas, and maybe I mentioned this earlier somewhere, but one studio here will cut songs off about halfway thru making it only half a dance. Find this quite annoying. While I don't do AT this is at the Friday ballroom dance.
 

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